A few weeks ago Abagond ( http://abagond.wordpress.com ) put up a post entitled “Why So Few White Men Marry Black Women”. Here is an excerpt of his post:
“White men with black women are not as common in America as you might expect. Even though an eighth of American women are black, fewer than one married white man in 400 has a black wife! That cannot be an accident. Compare that to how many have Asian wives: about one in 100 – even though there are way fewer Asian women.
Given the numbers of white, black and Asian women there are in America and looking at who white men marry, you can work out how much they like different kinds of women as wives:
- 132: white women
- 100: American women in general
- 23: Asian women
- 2: black women
So why do so few white men marry black women?
Here are some reasons that you hear:
Read the rest of the post here: http://abagond.wordpress.com/2008/06/25/why-so-few-white-men-marry-black-women/
I commented on his post, and I re-post my anwers today in response to his questions, and my answers to some of the comments made by other posters. I gave my reasons as to why so few white men seek out, date, interact with, and marry black women. I say there are two reasons why white men do not marry black women: that black women represent some form of unbridled sexual workhorse good enough only to lay up withand abandon or that white men treat black women as invisible and not worthy of human consideration. In response to Abagond, and other posters who comented on his post, I responded to a white man who stated that black women should make the first move, I responded to a black woman (married to a white man) who commented on distorted perceptions many people have towards and against black women, and in the end, I exhorted black women to live life to the fullest, no matter who the man was who came into their lives who sought to give them happiness.
Here are my comments:
- Ann Says:
Thu 26 Jun 2008 at 23:10:22 ANY man who waits for a woman to make the first move is a coward, pure and simple.As for going to nightclubs, not all black women frequent nightclubs. Many attend live plays, movies, museum exhibits, festivals, concerts—their interests range the whole gamut of what any normal person would do. What is wrong with saying a simple, “Hello”, to a black woman?There are black women who have high morals, good educations, varied interests—–but, white men (and men of other races, as well) will never know these black women if these so-called “men” do not grow some balls and simply speak to the woman.And as for the lie that many black women are unapproachable—that is all it is: a lie.Black women are no more unapproachable than any other woman, but, if you as a black woman are ignored, treated as INVISIBLE, walked past, looked past, why should you waste your time on a race of men, or embarrass yourself, by running after a race of men who do not recognize not only your beauty, but also do not recognize your humanity?Women DO NOT chase after men. MEN approach women, that is if they are real men. Men make the effort to get to know the woman. Many women (no matter their race) ARE NOT raised to chase after men. Many women are painfully shy and many are reserved, and that does not mean the woman is a Sapphire or unapproachable. Many women respect themselves, and many women are reserved and retiring. Any man who has a problem with all of the aforementioned is a problem himself.As for dating.Dating AND marriage are not the same thing. Anyone can go on a date, but, to the men reading my words, would any of you have the guts OR respect to put off asking for sex with a woman if she declined, say, 6 months after dating? Would you respect a woman who is a virgin/celibate and she wishes to remain that until she is married—-or would you drop her as if she is some bad disease if she does not jump into bed with you?
Facts have to be faced. White men have been indoctrinated AGAINST black women for over 450 years.
Four hundred plus years of
-Viciousness of white male racism/sexism during Reconstruction
will do that.
Not to mention the horrific stereotypes that WHITE MEN gave black women, you know, the lies and abominations that so many white men (and many men of other races, as well) are so willing to believe.
Yes, segregated lives do preclude WM and BW from crossing paths more often, but, then again is that the fault of black women? Did black women create white supremacy? Did black women create Jim Crow? Did black women create and maintain American slavery? Did black women create wage disparity where for every $1.00 a white man earns, black women earn $0.66 out of every dollar?
Do black women benefit from when Affirmative Action WAS WHITE (the way millions of white men did)? (And still do.)
Do black women own and proliferate the world with racist/sexist stereotypes of black women? Do black women own Forbes magazine, Time, Newsweek, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, FOX NEWS? Do black women cram down people’s throats 450 years of lies and hate, the legacy of which IS STILL WITH THIS COUNTRY?
I believe we all know whose feet we can lay that blame at.
Many white men who worry about what their family or friends think are not men. A real man goes for what he wants out of life. The rest of the world be damned. What, wait for friends and family to come around? Be prepared most of you to be waiting for forever.
Will your so-called friends take care of you if you get sick? Will your so-called friends pay your bills if you lose your job?
And what the hell about the children?
Thanks to white men and their racist/sexist hatred of black women for over 450 years, black people as a whole are not a PURE-BLOOD RACE of people. Remember, it was white men who ran black women down, dogged them, raped them, and changed black people genetically and skin color wise. So, black people are really not black people. Black Americans are A mixed-blood, hybrid race of people. We have more genetically in common with American whites than whites do with Asians.
Children who are mixed blood suffer more from close family members who make life a hell for those children, and those so-called family members usually are the grandparents who do not accept the non-white spouse who married their white son/daughter.
Sorry for my harshness, but, millions of white men do not have the balls to consider black women as marriage material.
F**k-em material, yes, Wife–no.
There are many black women who are college-educated and highly intelligent. If you as a white man do not take the effort to strike up a conversation with her, how the hell will you learn anything about her? What, ESP? Vulcan-mindmelt?
And who are white men that so many of them think they are better than black women that black women should make the first move?
Do you white men demand this from white, Latina, Asian, etc., women?
Let me just take a guess and say, hell no, you do not.
No, let’s just all put everything on black women.
The whole world knows that black women have no feelings, black women are less than human, so why not give a damn about the fact that many black women simply just want to be treated as human beings.
…….a black woman stands a better chance of being treated more respectfully in EUROPE than in the country of her birth.
And there are facts that bear that out.
- Ann Says:
Wed 2 Jul 2008 at 21:08:15 “Also note most miscegenation laws that were created in this country were to prevent white men from having sex with black women, not the other way around, as most people seen to believe.”I agree, but, I will add more that it was the desire to keep wealth, property, and the legal name of the white father from black women and any children he fathered with her. Many laws were enacted against black people that affected black women more so than black men. Which is why the phrase, “Would you want your daughter to marry one”? has no feminine counterpart. It was expected that a black woman would be used by and abandoned by a white man, and that he would publicly disown his own mixed-blood children with a black woman.There were laws that would protect a black female from rape ONLY if she was UNDER 9 YEARS of age; any age over that and she and her family would have no legal recourse against rape, or any pregnancy that followed.Yes, many black women fear the advances of white men, but, what of the black women who do not?I agree with you that nasty behaviour has been done to black women by BOTH white and black men; not to mention men of other races as well.But, there are some black women who give not a damn what the BC says, nor do they allow the BC to demand that black women wait for their lives to end waiting on a black man.LOOK for a MAN is what I exhort black women to do. A man who will love, honor and cherish you. Black women need to get over this bullshit of “Nothing but a black man for me”, (sorry for the profanity.) That so many black women have publicly stated this has convinced many white men/men of other races, “Well, you must not want us all that much”. And if I was a man and I heard the phrase, “A white man can do nothing for me”, well, imagine a white man saying the same thing about black women. There would be an uproar!As for those BM who marry outside the so-called black community, many of them want to leave the burden of shouldering the BC on black women. There is nothing wrong with marrying outside of your race, just do not abandon the community that carried you on its back. Sadly, the BC takes black women for granted. As the late, great Zora Neale Hurston said in her epic, “Their Eyes Were Watching God”: ‘Black women are the mules of the world.’Well, I, and many black women were born into this world as baby girls, grew from girlhood to womanhood, and are human beings with all the rights to an abundant life. We are not mules, and we should never allow ourselves to told that we should take less in this world. If a MAN approaches you respectfully, DO NOT turn him away. Do not cast him aside because he is not black. The next time may be a long drought before another man gives you the time of day.
As for what I call “The Nanny Syndrome”, there are black men who would marry a poor white woman with a high school degree before they would marry a black woman with a college Ph.D.
Many black men are so sure they will always be able to go to the “Well Of Black Women” as I prefer to call it.
One day that well will run dry. . . .IF black women finally decide to LIVE and stop putting their precious lives on hold.
Wonder what would happen if black women took a day off, similar to that Douglas Ward Turner play, “A Day Of Absence”?
God help the black community if black women did decide to do such a thing.
- Ann Says:
Wed 2 Jul 2008 at 22:01:35 I wish to clarify my last comment.The “Nothing but a black man”, comment was not meant to isult or demean the black women who desire to marry a black man. In the end one should marry whom they wish, but, facts of reality have to be faced.I deal in pragmatism. I am realistic with what the situation and facts present to me. With the numbers against black women (2-3 black women per black man); longer life spans than black men; the chances of being single LONGER than other races of women. . . . I just want to see black women happy and as much fulfilled as they can be in this country and this world.Black women have more than earned that right.One more thing.On the phrase, “Split dark oak”, that was and still is a demeaning and degrading phrase. It is no better than the other racist Southern saying: “A black woman, no matter how virginal and decent, was considered less than a white prostitute”.All across the American South, a white man was not considered a man UNLESS he laid down with and had sex with a black womam. In some even more putrid and bizarre racist belief, it was believed that if a white man (during slavery this practice was common), if he had an STD, and if he had sex with a young black girl, that this abominable act would cure him of syphillis or gonorrhea.Sick, yes.But, because of the lies/myths and stereotypes so many non-black menare willing to believe against black women, and because of the fears that black women have of white men’s advances, add the mass segregation of neighborhoods——and it is understandable that both groups (WM, BM) have no much distrust, as well as fear AND loathing of each other.
Lack of contact and pernicious myths about each other further keep the divide between black women and white men as wide as the Grand Canyon.
And that goes for black women’s mistrust of men of other races, as well.
- Ann Says:
Wed 2 Jul 2008 at 23:28:54 “Wonder what would happen if black women took a day off, similar to that Douglas Ward Turner play, “A Day Of Absence”?God help the black community if black women did decide to do such a thing.”Sorry if I was not very clear.Unless one is familiar with the play, “Absence”, the black people took more than a day off, and the white community felt their absence detrimentally. The “Day” sretched into days, weeks, months. The white community realized how much they depended on the despised/taken for granted black people.The same thing would happen if black women were not to show up as expected.I agree that black women are the backbone of the black church, club/community organizations, etc. Without us, much in the BC would collapse if we stopped allowing ourselves to be used and abused.Much of black women’s depression/obesity/diabetes/heart problems/stress/hypertension is caused from the infamous “Strong Black Woman Myth”, and that hateful myth is killing us.Hell…IT HAS killed many of us.That so many have taken it for granted that black women will be their crutch to prop them up is what has sapped the lives from so many black women.
Demand the best from yourself, demand the best from others.
“So yes..often times she seemingly goes unappreciated, but much of that goes with knowing how to appreciate yourself and standing your ground; this is a hard thing to do for many black women, especially when it comes to their black man.”
Time for so many black women to euthanize the “Mammy” in them.
People are going to get all pissy when you stand your ground, but, black women will realize little by little the freedom, the joy, the exhilaration of taking full control of their lives. The black men, the BC, those outside of the BC will be weeping and wailing and gnashing their teeth——withdrawal symptoms always happen when the drug is withdrawn cold turkey.
But, the alternative is much worse.
I cannot help but wonder where black women would be now if they had not done so much for others at their own expense.
I also wonder where so many other people would be IF black women had left many people cut and dried so often the way so many people (BM, WM, WW, etc.) have done to black women.
Talk about a messed up world.
But, we are black women, unique among all women and people.
On the other hand, we owe ourselves a life—-no matter who gets mad about it.
No one can use you unless you continue to allow it, and one life is all you get a shot at in this world.
People are going to talk, and rail against you—-whether you are standing above ground—-or stretched out 6′ under.
Nothing new under the Sun.
Just go for the gusto, Black women!
Grab life by the horns and make it give you what you so rightfully deserve.
So, readers, what do you think?
I would like to hear from my readers as to why they think so few white men (and men of other races, as well) do not marry black women. I would like to hear responses from black women, white men, black men, white women and men/women of other races/ethnic groups.
Keep your comments clean and respectful.
I am not above deleting comments I consider racist/sexist/or demeaning.