STUFF EDUCATED BLACK PEOPLE LIKE

Here is another blog that writes about “stuff’ (satire) that certain groups of people like.

Last month I posted about “Stuff White People Like”: https://kathmanduk2.wordpress.com/2008/02/19/stuff-white-people-like/

Here is a blog that speaks of “Stuff Educated Black People Like”: http://stuffeducatedblackpeoplelike.wordpress.com/

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#20.  CORRECTING OTHERS

“Educated Black People Like correcting others. It does not matter the topic or situation, an EBP will never miss an opportunity to correct someone else. Hell, they’ll probably correct this post. An EBP will stop at nothing to show off their so called “educated” status. Whether it be correcting a co-worker on a point of information, or telling their 90 year old grandmother that it’s pronounced “sink” and not “zink”; an EBP knows no boundaries.med3.jpg

As soon as an EBP has completed one semester of college, they’ll behave as though they have just obtained a Ph.D in Everything; even though their GPA was a 2.0 and they never went to class. They will automatically become an expert on spelling, grammar, rocket science, and of course African studies. These EBP come home from college anticipating the opportunity for a family or church member to make a mistake. Watch out Rev. Jeremiah Wright! The degree to which an EBP corrects others depends on whether they are attending or have attended an HBCU or a majority white institution. If the EBP has attented a majority white university, they will be on correction overload; being around all those white students gives them a feeling of superiority to other blacks. They will even correct and attack other EBP who attend HBCUs. It does not matter where the mistake occurs, an EBP will loudly correct the person; embarrassing the non-EBP won’t matter as long as the EBP has had his time to shine. Correcting others gives them a sense that they are somehow better than the other person; which totally isn’t true. They may even sit down with a group of friends and point out the errors in grammar and pronunciation on what else, BET. It validates their “educatedness”.

#19.  OPRAH WINFREY

“EBP are constantly fighting at work or any place else to get ahead and/or be heard, while Oprah can tell white people to read a book or buy a CD and they do it without second thought. How else do you think Jamie Foxx sold so many albums? Oprah! And of course, don’t forget Tom Cruise’s hopping on the couch incident. What other black woman do you know that can make a rich, white man go crazy like he did without holding a gun or knife in her hand? It goes without saying that she can make white people famous. Not even white people cared about Dr. Phil or Racheal Ray until Oprah said they were acceptable white people.

If you are black and having problems getting a job/promotion or trying to obtain a loan, write to Oprah and ask her to do a show about how good it is to hire blacks or loan them money. Either the employer/loan officer or his wife will watch the episode and decide to follow Oprah’s suggestions. Look for your success to follow soon. White people follow Oprah like the Pied Piper! EBP like Oprah because she’s powerful, rich, and kicked Stedman’s trifling self out!”

#13.  TALKING ABOUT UNEDUCATED BLACK PEOPLE

trims.jpg“Besides themselves, EBP like talking about uneducated Blacks who disgrace their race. Most EBP hate those Blacks who are loud in public and draw unnecessary attention to themselves. EBP especially get embarrassed when they are out with their white friends and they run into an uneducated Black person. They usually want to run over and slap the uneducated Black in order to stop whatever stupid behavior they are doing, but of course, this would not be very educated of them.Most educated Blacks are embarrassed by the loud music and large rims uneducated blacks seem to love. Another favorite is poor grammar, which is usually spoken very loudly. When a group of EBP get together, they typically talk about all the uneducated Blacks they saw that day. Conversations on this topic can go on for hours and can range from slippers to do-rags worn in public! With uneducated Blacks constantly doing embarrassing things, this is a never ending conversation.”
#11.  TURKEY BACON/SAUSAGE
“Turkey bacon and turkey sausage allows the educated Blacks to have a happy medium. They get to enjoy all the aroma and (some) flavor of their traditional pork based breakfast sides while showing everyone that they are disciplined enough to kick out the swine. Educated Black people love when they go out to eat with friends and can order turkey sausage from the menu. They enjoy the looks and questions they receive about their selection. This gives them an opportunity to pass on their wisdom about turkey sausage being more healthy than the slab of bacon their friend just ordered… and everyone knows educated Black people like to pass on their wisdom!”
#4  NATURAL HAIR

“Educated Black people like natural hair. They love to show their pride for their race and culture by wearing their hair in its unrelaxed and natural state. This may include a range a styles, such as braids, twists, locs, or freestyle kinky/curly/coily tresses. Since natural hair is so versatile, they can rock any number of styles.

While educated Blacks love for people to admire their hair, they hate it when someone touches it without invitation or permission. And if you do touch it, they HATE stupid comments like, “Wow! I had no idea it was so soft!” That’s a surefire way to get told off. Educated Blacks also love for both Blacks and non-Blacks to comment on how much they love their hair. The standard comments are typically, “I love your hair!” or “I wish my hair could do that!” Educated Blacks love to encourage other Blacks to allow their hair to grow out in its natural state. However, what they love most is to give Blacks that wear relaxers guilt trips about how they are conforming to the European standard of beauty. It makes them feel so much better than you to know that they are educated and liberated enough to not have to be a conformist.”

The site is hilarious and dead-on in its discussions/satire. Go on over and read about the stuff (satire) that educated blacks like. It will make for a fun day. What the heck—we could all do with some laughter (satire) in our lives.

Life is serious enough. 🙂

Enjoy!

21 Comments

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21 responses to “STUFF EDUCATED BLACK PEOPLE LIKE

  1. KF

    EBP do not care if UEBP act stupid or not. Ingnorance does not define us and I feel if you are embaressed by what so called uneducated black people are doing. Maybe you should reeducate yourself, get off your high horse and offer to give back to your community of uneducated black people. Maybe your “educatedness” could lead a legacy of change and not one of embaressment and criticism.

    • Ed

      Black people are ruining this country. They never want to work. Even the “educated” ones who get a job through there “connections” and most likely not there merits always wind up in this cushy existence which is making our great country second rate.

      • Ann

        Submit your evidence where as you put it, that Black people “are ruining this country”. Give documented proof.

        Show and back up your statement that Black Americans (meaning as you state “they”—-meaning all,) never want to work. Give evidence that Black workers are able to get jobs through “connections”, when so many of them with college degrees have the hardest time just getting a job interview in the first place.

        Show where Black Americans, like so many unqualified Whites of the past (and present) got to where they are not on merit, but on nepotism/cronyism/favouritism from non-Black Whites who run the many financial/business institutions all across America.

  2. Ann

    Who is embarressed? Who is on a “high horse”? As stated in my post, the site is funny, and therefore good for a laugh.

    Maybe *you* should re-educate yourself and create a legacy of change and not one of embarassment or criticism by learning how to read and comprehend a post.

    Sheesh.

    So, just what have YOU done to give back to any community, black or otherwise?

    • marie

      i love your post. it is true and funny. i didn’t get the pork part but every other part; whether they want to admit it or not. especially the natural hair\guilt trip part. keep writing, dear! 🙂

  3. ojpoj

    ..this is dumb

  4. Danielle

    Hey,
    I see what you’re saying about “Educated blacks,” and the natural hair thing: I’m going to a liberal arts school and have natural hair (and am black). I do think of it as not conforming to European standards of beauty and I do diss the relaxer thing. I guess I could just shrug and let people do whatever they want with their hair, and I’ll do what I want. It’s hard when you feel like you’ve discovered something, you want to talk about it and convert people. You’re right! I should get off my high horse.
    At the same time, I do feel that relaxed hair is conformity and it’s not fun to have to do and expensive.

    • BJA

      About the hair thing..

      I realize people can be sensitive regarding comments about hair.

      I’m Caucasian though (not really “white”) and even though I understand the issue, find it awkward and insincere, when seeing a friend or colleague “of color” who has recently changed hairstyles, to say nothing and act as if I don’t notice.

      Yet if I say, “You braided your hair. I really like it,” I feel as though I may have crossed an unspoken line and offended somebody. Or, worse, acted like “a typical white person.”

      Comments/suggestions?

      Bonnie

      • A passerby

        Bonnie,

        Seriously, what does it add to your day to comment on someone’s new hairstyle? For black people, changing from a short weave to long braids is normal. It comes with the “nappyness” and it’s how we manage and handle our hair. It’s normal for black people from all over the world. For a non-black person, it’s unusual or whatever but c’mon, how many centuries or how many black people on earth, is it gonna take for people to understand that?

  5. 0defiant

    black sistas + black “real” hair = super black angel sistas :))

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  8. Seriously

    This is funny. Lighten up, people and be able to laugh at your self (not just others). Did you get this idea from the site stuffwhitepeoplelike.com ?

  9. Dominica

    As an EBP with natural hair and all, I wiggled with a little discomfort as I read this. It was funny but also very true. Thanks for the laugh and pointing out the folly and silliness we may take on if not careful.

  10. Leslie Pippen

    Now is the time…post race, post gender, post relaxer. Relaxed hair, close cut hair = shame. I’ve been there and done it. I know why I did it too. Don’t eat pork because it can kill you, that simple. All blacks will be EBP and will forget how to nod “What’s Up”. That too is a shame.

  11. Karen

    The post was chuckle-worthy and was a cool respite from my busy day. =)

    I feel sorry for sisters like Danielle who still ascribe relaxers and the like to European conformity. Relaxers are European conformity. Great, great… so is speaking English. *twirling finger in air* It is what it is at this point. While it is indisputable that we still have race issues (see new black/white doll experiment) it’s time to move on to something more substantive than hair. I can understand this conversation in the early 18th century, but please, gimme a break. At this stage of the game if you’re still judging someone’s self-love or hatred based on their decision to relax, then I’m going to suggest that you do exactly that… relax.

    The hilarious thing is that while walking through the Village (NYC) all I see are natural women and men walking hand in hand with white and Asian partners. So spare me. European conformity vs. Consciousness my foot. Hair is hair. Who cares? Every single race/ethnicity processes their hair in some sort of way. It is not unique to us. White and Asian women perm their straight hair it to make it curly; and went from ironing their hair in the 60’s to getting Brazilian straightening done to make their curly hair straight. They get extensions, wear wigs, falls, weaves, etc. So what is the big deal? Relaxing, or processing hair in general is not a new phenomenon and it is not solely based on European conformity. Even the so-called “natural Nazis” process their hair. Since I’ve never seen a baby come out of the womb with locks or braids – I’m gonna go on record and call those styles a “process” too.

    It’s just not as black and white (ha!) as relaxer means self-hatred and natural means self-awareness. I’ve seen women with full on locks down their back who have no idea who Nikki Giovanni and Ntozake Shange are. Black women with naturals who don’t read, don’t vote and don’t care. I relax my hair and have since I was 8 years old. But I also have a law degree, good credit and about to start a non-profit to promote post-secondary and post-graduate education in black communities. So what’s more important when you see me? My hair style, or my story??? Can we please start talking about something that actually means something in 2010 and get off the tired hair thing (Chris Rock)???

  12. Thanio

    This is crazy people actuallly analyze us black folks as if we are science projects lol

    Notice there are white people but when it comes to black folk well there are two type lol.

    Well this may shock everyone but race has nothing to do with anything but weather adaptation

    Racism is something the devil designed to divide us so instead of learning how to love
    People waste time analyzing each other

    The system is designed to trap white people in vanity and blacks in hatred it promoted envy,lust
    and the seperation of our connection to the most high This is the reason when someone mentions God everyones rolling thier eyes
    saying ” o here we go”

    Many have been trained to dismiss God
    there is a design in place meant to Turn man againts woman, woman againts man. Skin againts skin

    So when the mesiah returns many will not listen to him. Because of his skin color!!!!!!

    My skin is native american and African
    But I am a spirit my body is nothing more than a vehicle Once one knows what they are they will understand the words of God and why. Analyzing people is a waste of time

    Wake up there is a reason they put liquor stores on every corner in black communities and pay the teacher close to minimum wage
    and do the opposite in white communities

    They want us divided and confused
    Because if we came together they couldn’t try to be God any more

    the devil and his little puppets will lose

  13. Thanio

    Let me add my hair is natural it’s clear I’m of mixed race native and African

    I am educated (awake I should say ) but I don’t see my self as a EBP lol

    That’s just funny I mean, what does educated mean? Was it the same schools that
    teach us nothing about our selfs and the reason we are all here ?

    The same schools that support lies because the lies are traditions. The same place that teaches us to dismiss spirituality
    When the truth is we are a spirit!

    They have many chasing themselves striving all their lives but what would they do if it all stopped tomorrow if these so called ” terrorist” hit American soil and frooze the market
    what would they do?

    Would they sit there and analyze each other?

    Or would skin,hair,slang and intellectual
    vernacular matter then?

    No!!!!

    And that’s how they want it, they want many to be diluted. So believe anything they say so as long as so many can get starbucks and pay the bills

    The devil is very real he did not leave after Adam ate the apple
    back then he used what we had to fool us and he dose the samething today

    they got yaw judging each by cotton With letters on it And plastic,fiber glass with rubber and metal. labeling each other by hair styles

    They don’t even know you can read a person
    because they are so busy reading the labels on there clothes

    and analyzing
    Everyone will see oneday

    And

    The truth will set us all free

  14. HJ

    Way to hijack this thread, @Thanio, with all that colonizer white jesus BS.

  15. tired black man

    I get so tired of people talking about how black people are so lazy and dont want to work. Will someone tell me, have you ever seen an unemployed slave. Some black people are just on vacation and waiting for their vacation checks. They worked for four hundred years and now its time to get paid. Some EBP are the worst thing that ever happened to the black race, they try to be white and act like the white race. Wake up EBP if you stop and think for a monet, when all is said and done you are only a N—R in the white mans eye and thats all you will ever be. How can you love your enemy even GOD doesn’t love his enemies. Education is good but why waste it on a fool.

  16. Blackie McBlack

    Yeaaa I like correcting people haha

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