Monday,  September 25, 2006

I want for black women to realize the enormous potential they have in learning to appreciate their unique beauty. Not just the physical beauty (Lord knows there are many non-black women out there who are undergoing the knife, the injections, the tans, etc., to get what we black women come by naturally), but to also appreciate the earnestness, the pragmatic, the resourcefulness and more that is so unique among us black women.

Your body is your temple. I know, this saying may sound trite to many people, but truer words were never spoken. This is the only body and the only life you will ever have. Be good to it outwardly, but more importantly, be good to it inwardly: no drugs, no excessive sex just because a man wants in to your body, and no babies without benefit of marriage. No child needs to come into the world because its mother wanted so desperately to have a man in her life that she was willing to do anything to keep that man. No man, whatever his race, is worth the destruction of a black woman’s heart, mind and body. And neither is the bringing of an innocent child into the world when there is chaos and turmoil between a man and a woman.

As far as I am concerned, that is the ultimate act of child abuse.

When people ask me if I have any children, I answer, “No, I have never been married, therefore, I do not have any children.” I have had people say to me, “You do not have to be married to have children.” I answer, “No, you do not have to be married to have children, but I would rather wait until after marriage to have children.” I equate children with MARRIAGE, not out of wedlock. Children are a blessing from God, and if some black women out there have had children before marriage, please love them with all your heart. They are dependent on you as their mother to give your all in doing the very best for them. But, if at all possible, please wait until after marriage to have children. This is the greatest kindness you can show them. Marriage, as-near-as-possible a stable life, two parents who love and respect each other, then MARRIAGE, then CHILDREN. Any child who comes into the world with TWO parents is going to have it hard enough; to come into the world with a SINGLE parent, especially if the man has impregnated and split the scene, is wrong and cruel to the innocent child. Think of a child’s welfare before you make that decision to lay down with that man. Is he a man who would be a good and deserving father to your child? Is he a man who loves you beyond a shadow of a doubt? If he is none of that, then he is not a man whom you should have any child with, let alone have sex with. No man is worth laying down with, getting a child with, if the woman thinks that is the only way to hold onto him. Yes, I am sounding archaic in my moral values and beliefs to many people, but at the end of the day, believe me, ladies, you will have peace of mind knowing that you thought of someone else’s needs instead of your own. A child’s needs, not your own.

“If you loved me, you would prove it to me.”

Yes, some men out there in the world have said those hated words to many a young girl. Any man who utters such vile words to a woman does not love her at all, for if he did, he would not disrespect her in the most loathsome way that he could, and saying these words to a young woman is the height of cruelty and utter disregard. No man (no matter what his race, black, white, Latino, or whatever), is worth throwing your moral values away on. If a man loves the woman, he would not ask such a damnable thing of her. No. If he loved her he would be a MAN and not be a selfish creature. Actions have cause and effect, and some actions can cause devastating effects, especially if an innocent child is involved.

Black women need to stop selling themselves short, black women need to stop devaluing themselves, because if we do not do it, NO ONE ELSE will do it for us. WE have to love and respect ourselves, before we can expect ANYONE else to learn to respect us, to admire us, to adore us, to COVET us. Our love, our virginity, our celibacy, our hearts, our minds, our bodies are of utmost importance. If we do not take care of these treasures, we stand to lose more than earthly tangibles.

We stand to lose our souls as well.

The best way to get a MAN’S attention is to have the following;

-Respect for your body and mind.
-A joy and excitement for life
-A “killer smile”, a hearty “Hello”
-A keeper of your moral values to remain chaste for marriage. Not to pollute your body with someone else’s callous disregard for you. The more you cling to a man who does not want you, the more you strangle YOURSELF with debasing your values just to hang onto him.
-Always keep up the positive in your life. Always know that today may have been a rough one, but there is also the rest of the day, and if God is willing, tomorrow. Put stride in your walk, walk confidently and assuredly, let the world know that you own just as much of this life and world as anyone else, and that you will take nothing less than all the happiness and gusto you can from it.Throw those shoulders back, take on the world, grab it by the throat, and demand that it give you your due.
-ATTITUDE. Yep, that’s right. Attitude, as in GOOD attitude. Yeah, I know, many people out there equate “bad” with the word attitude when it is used in conjunction with the words “black woman”. But there is the attitude that radiates forth from a woman who knows she values herself, who knows she is a diamond in any man’s life, especially if she carries and treats herself like the precious gem that she is.
-SMILE. Yeah, I know, I said it before, but, smile. So what if that man (black, white, Latino, or whatever does not smile back, he’s just too ignorant to realize that it was YOU who had just brightened his day, and that he was too ignorant to realize the sunshine that you had shone in his life.) Smile. The more you smile, the more happier you will feel, the more positive an out look you will cultivate, the more positive your inner mana, the more positive your outer glow. Smile.
-When you walk into a room, walk in like you own everything in that room. Walk in with the confidence of a phenonmenal woman, because that is what you are.
-Never settle for a piece of someone elses’s “pie”. “Make your own pie”; create the you that you will be most happy with, because as long as you have to beg for a “slice” of someone elses’s pie, sometimes you may come out on the shortend, or with little to nothing at all.
-Remember, you are a “gift” and you should always treat yourself that way. Before you give yourself to any man, before you allow any man into your life, ask yourself these questions: “Will he gently and lovingly “open” me thinking of my feelings, my heart, my desires?” “Does he always want the best for me, does he always want to see me happy and full of joy?” “Or, will he tear into me, ripping me apart, like I am nothing, throwing my feelings around and onto the ground as if I have no rights he is bound to respect?” No man who cannot respect you is worth any moment more in your life if he cannot appreciate the “gift” of you; the gift that was given by God to man to love, adore, and cherish.
-“Write your own play, write your own novel.” Your life is unfolding out before you each and every day. “Compose”, “draft”, and “design” your own life and how you want it to be. You and you alone can write the “script” of how you want your life to go as you walk this journey of your life. Make it the best and most spectacular journey that ever was. You are your own play. You are your own novel. Make it memorable and like no one elses’s. Make it your and yours alone.

“Until the lioness learns to write, history will continue to be written by the hunter.”

Think always of yourself as the beautiful, and rare person that you are.
There is no other on this Earth like you, now. There will never be another on this Earth, like you in the future. You have a right to “be” in this world. You have a right to be “you.” No matter what any man says, no matter what any other woman says, no matter how much the world seeks to tear you down, because you are a black woman, always prevail. Always stand. You must create your own image of yourself as to what and who you are, not what the world thinks you are. WHAT YOU ARE. Start the work of taking back your image of the true you and crush under your heels the hated lies, myths and distortions that the world has spread about on you for so long. Only you have the last word on who you are; only you have the last word on whether you will not cast your pearls before swine, or whether you will safeguard and honor all that is wonderful in you. Do not let the world have the last word. You have a right to be you. And any one who can not live with that, anyone who refuses to “get with the program” and accept that you love and value yourself, can just keep on stepping. You do not need anyone in your life who does not have your best interests at heart. They are like a raging lion that seeks to devour and destroy you. Have only people in your life who will do good and peace to you. Remember that as a black woman, you owe yourself joy, happiness, and peace. And no one can give that to you but yourself.

You are unique. Believe that. Live it. Be it.

This is my “open letter” to all black women out there in the world.

1 Comment

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  1. Ann,
    Thanks for the encouragement and hope in your letter. Like you, I’m neither married nor have any kids.
    Thanks, Ann.
    01 October, 2006 18:14

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