AND JUST WHY DO SO FEW WHITE MEN MARRY BLACK WOMEN? (AND THAT GOES FOR MEN OF OTHER RACES AS WELL)

A few weeks ago Abagond (  http://abagond.wordpress.com ) put up a post entitled “Why So Few White Men Marry Black Women”. Here is an excerpt of his post:

 

“White men with black women are not as common in America as you might expect. Even though an eighth of American women are black, fewer than one married white man in 400 has a black wife! That cannot be an accident. Compare that to how many have Asian wives: about one in 100 – even though there are way fewer Asian women.

Given the numbers of white, black and Asian women there are in America and looking at who white men marry, you can work out how much they like different kinds of women as wives:

  • 132: white women
  • 100: American women in general
  • 23: Asian women
  • 2: black women

So why do so few white men marry black women?

Here are some reasons that you hear:

Read the rest of the post here:  http://abagond.wordpress.com/2008/06/25/why-so-few-white-men-marry-black-women/

I commented on his post, and I re-post my anwers today in response to his questions, and my answers to some of the comments made by other posters. I gave my reasons as to why so few white men seek out, date, interact with, and marry black women. I say there are two reasons why white men do not marry black women:  that black women represent some form of unbridled sexual workhorse good enough only to lay up withand abandon or that white men treat black women as invisible and not worthy of human consideration. In response to Abagond, and other posters who comented on his post, I responded to a white man who stated that black women should make the first move, I responded to a black woman (married to a white man) who commented on distorted perceptions many people have towards and against black women, and in the end, I exhorted black women to live life to the fullest, no matter who the man was who came into their lives who sought to give them happiness.

Here are my comments:

——————————————————————

 

  1.  Ann Says:
    Thu 26 Jun 2008 at 23:10:22 ANY man who waits for a woman to make the first move is a coward, pure and simple.As for going to nightclubs, not all black women frequent nightclubs. Many attend live plays, movies, museum exhibits, festivals, concerts—their interests range the whole gamut of what any normal person would do.  What is wrong with saying a simple, “Hello”, to a black woman?There are black women who have high morals, good educations, varied interests—–but, white men (and men of other races, as well) will never know these black women if these so-called “men” do not grow some balls and simply speak to the woman.And as for the lie that many black women are unapproachable—that is all it is: a lie.Black women are no more unapproachable than any other woman, but, if you as a black woman are ignored, treated as INVISIBLE, walked past, looked past, why should you waste your time on a race of men, or embarrass yourself, by running after a race of men who do not recognize not only your beauty, but also do not recognize your humanity?Women DO NOT chase after men. MEN approach women, that is if they are real men. Men make the effort to get to know the woman. Many women (no matter their race) ARE NOT raised to chase after men. Many women are painfully shy and many are reserved, and that does not mean the woman is a Sapphire or unapproachable. Many women respect themselves, and many women are reserved and retiring. Any man who has a problem with all of the aforementioned is a problem himself.As for dating.Dating AND marriage are not the same thing. Anyone can go on a date, but, to the men reading my words, would any of you have the guts OR respect to put off asking for sex with a woman if she declined, say, 6 months after dating? Would you respect a woman who is a virgin/celibate and she wishes to remain that until she is married—-or would you drop her as if she is some bad disease if she does not jump into bed with you?

    Facts have to be faced. White men have been indoctrinated AGAINST black women for over 450 years.

    Four hundred plus years of

    -Slavery
    -Viciousness of white male racism/sexism during Reconstruction
    -Segregation

    will do that.

    Not to mention the horrific stereotypes that WHITE MEN gave black women, you know, the lies and abominations that so many white men (and many men of other races, as well) are so willing to believe.

    Yes, segregated lives do preclude WM and BW from crossing paths more often, but, then again is that the fault of black women? Did black women create white supremacy? Did black women create Jim Crow? Did black women create and maintain American slavery? Did black women create wage disparity where for every $1.00 a white man earns, black women earn $0.66 out of every dollar?

    Do black women benefit from when Affirmative Action WAS WHITE (the way millions of white men did)? (And still do.)

    Do black women own and proliferate the world with racist/sexist stereotypes of black women? Do black women own Forbes magazine, Time, Newsweek, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, FOX NEWS? Do black women cram down people’s throats 450 years of lies and hate, the legacy of which IS STILL WITH THIS COUNTRY?

    I believe we all know whose feet we can lay that blame at.

    Many white men who worry about what their family or friends think are not men. A real man goes for what he wants out of life. The rest of the world be damned. What, wait for friends and family to come around? Be prepared most of you to be waiting for forever.

    Will your so-called friends take care of you if you get sick? Will your so-called friends pay your bills if you lose your job?

    And what the hell about the children?

    Thanks to white men and their racist/sexist hatred of black women for over 450 years, black people as a whole are not a PURE-BLOOD RACE of people. Remember, it was white men who ran black women down, dogged them, raped them, and changed black people genetically and skin color wise. So, black people are really not black people. Black Americans are A mixed-blood, hybrid race of people. We have more genetically in common with American whites than whites do with Asians.

    Children who are mixed blood suffer more from close family members who make life a hell for those children, and those so-called family members usually are the grandparents who do not accept the non-white spouse who married their white son/daughter.

    Sorry for my harshness, but, millions of white men do not have the balls to consider black women as marriage material.

    F**k-em material, yes, Wife–no.

There are many black women who are college-educated and highly intelligent. If you as a white man do not take the effort to strike up a conversation with her, how the hell will you learn anything about her? What, ESP? Vulcan-mindmelt?

And who are white men that so many of them think they are better than black women that black women should make the first move?

Do you white men demand this from white, Latina, Asian, etc., women?

Let me just take a guess and say, hell no, you do not.

No, let’s just all put everything on black women.

The whole world knows that black women have no feelings, black women are less than human, so why not give a damn about the fact that many black women simply just want to be treated as human beings.

Hell……

…….a black woman stands a better chance of being treated more respectfully in EUROPE than in the country of her birth.

And there are facts that bear that out.

Damn.

  1.  Ann Says:
    Wed 2 Jul 2008 at 21:08:15 “Also note most miscegenation laws that were created in this country were to prevent white men from having sex with black women, not the other way around, as most people seen to believe.”I agree, but, I will add more that it was the desire to keep wealth, property, and the legal name of the white father from black women and any children he fathered with her. Many laws were enacted against black people that affected black women more so than black men. Which is why the phrase, “Would you want your daughter to marry one”? has no feminine counterpart. It was expected that a black woman would be used by and abandoned by a white man, and that he would publicly disown his own mixed-blood children with a black woman.There were laws that would protect a black female from rape ONLY if she was UNDER 9 YEARS of age; any age over that and she and her family would have no legal recourse against rape, or any pregnancy that followed.Yes, many black women fear the advances of white men, but, what of the black women who do not?I agree with you that nasty behaviour has been done to black women by BOTH white and black men; not to mention men of other races as well.But, there are some black women who give not a damn what the BC says, nor do they allow the BC to demand that black women wait for their lives to end waiting on a black man.LOOK for a MAN is what I exhort black women to do. A man who will love, honor and cherish you. Black women need to get over this bullshit of “Nothing but a black man for me”, (sorry for the profanity.) That so many black women have publicly stated this has convinced many white men/men of other races, “Well, you must not want us all that much”. And if I was a man and I heard the phrase, “A white man can do nothing for me”, well, imagine a white man saying the same thing about black women. There would be an uproar!As for those BM who marry outside the so-called black community, many of them want to leave the burden of shouldering the BC on black women. There is nothing wrong with marrying outside of your race, just do not abandon the community that carried you on its back. Sadly, the BC takes black women for granted. As the late, great Zora Neale Hurston said in her epic, “Their Eyes Were Watching God”: ‘Black women are the mules of the world.’Well, I, and many black women were born into this world as baby girls, grew from girlhood to womanhood, and are human beings with all the rights to an abundant life. We are not mules, and we should never allow ourselves to told that we should take less in this world. If a MAN approaches you respectfully, DO NOT turn him away. Do not cast him aside because he is not black. The next time may be a long drought before another man gives you the time of day.

    As for what I call “The Nanny Syndrome”, there are black men who would marry a poor white woman with a high school degree before they would marry a black woman with a college Ph.D.

    Many black men are so sure they will always be able to go to the “Well Of Black Women” as I prefer to call it.

    One day that well will run dry. . . .IF black women finally decide to LIVE and stop putting their precious lives on hold.

    Wonder what would happen if black women took a day off, similar to that Douglas Ward Turner play, “A Day Of Absence”?

    God help the black community if black women did decide to do such a thing.

  2.  Ann Says:
    Wed 2 Jul 2008 at 22:01:35 I wish to clarify my last comment.The “Nothing but a black man”, comment was not meant to isult or demean the black women who desire to marry a black man. In the end one should marry whom they wish, but, facts of reality have to be faced.I deal in pragmatism. I am realistic with what the situation and facts present to me. With the numbers against black women (2-3 black women per black man); longer life spans than black men; the chances of being single LONGER than other races of women. . . . I just want to see black women happy and as much fulfilled as they can be in this country and this world.Black women have more than earned that right.One more thing.On the phrase, “Split dark oak”, that was and still is a demeaning and degrading phrase. It is no better than the other racist Southern saying: “A black woman, no matter how virginal and decent, was considered less than a white prostitute”.All across the American South, a white man was not considered a man UNLESS he laid down with and had sex with a black womam. In some even more putrid and bizarre racist belief, it was believed that if a white man (during slavery this practice was common), if he had an STD, and if he had sex with a young black girl, that this abominable act would cure him of syphillis or gonorrhea.Sick, yes.But, because of the lies/myths and stereotypes so many non-black menare willing to believe against black women, and because of the fears that black women have of white men’s advances, add the mass segregation of neighborhoods——and it is understandable that both groups (WM, BM) have no much distrust, as well as fear AND loathing of each other.

    Lack of contact and pernicious myths about each other further keep the divide between black women and white men as wide as the Grand Canyon.

    And that goes for black women’s mistrust of men of other races, as well.

  3.  Ann Says:
    Wed 2 Jul 2008 at 23:28:54 “Wonder what would happen if black women took a day off, similar to that Douglas Ward Turner play, “A Day Of Absence”?God help the black community if black women did decide to do such a thing.”Sorry if I was not very clear.Unless one is familiar with the play, “Absence”, the black people took more than a day off, and the white community felt their absence detrimentally. The “Day” sretched into days, weeks, months. The white community realized how much they depended on the despised/taken for granted black people.The same thing would happen if black women were not to show up as expected.I agree that black women are the backbone of the black church, club/community organizations, etc. Without us, much in the BC would collapse if we stopped allowing ourselves to be used and abused.Much of black women’s depression/obesity/diabetes/heart problems/stress/hypertension is caused from the infamous “Strong Black Woman Myth”, and that hateful myth is killing us.Hell…IT HAS killed many of us.That so many have taken it for granted that black women will be their crutch to prop them up is what has sapped the lives from so many black women.

    Yes.

    Demand the best from yourself, demand the best from others.

    “So yes..often times she seemingly goes unappreciated, but much of that goes with knowing how to appreciate yourself and standing your ground; this is a hard thing to do for many black women, especially when it comes to their black man.”

    Time for so many black women to euthanize the “Mammy” in them.

    People are going to get all pissy when you stand your ground, but, black women will realize little by little the freedom, the joy, the exhilaration of taking full control of their lives. The black men, the BC, those outside of the BC will be weeping and wailing and gnashing their teeth——withdrawal symptoms always happen when the drug is withdrawn cold turkey.

    But, the alternative is much worse.

    I cannot help but wonder where black women would be now if they had not done so much for others at their own expense.

    I also wonder where so many other people would be IF black women had left many people cut and dried so often the way so many people (BM, WM, WW, etc.) have done to black women.

    Talk about a messed up world.

    But, we are black women, unique among all women and people.

    On the other hand, we owe ourselves a life—-no matter who gets mad about it.

    No one can use you unless you continue to allow it, and one life is all you get a shot at in this world.

    People are going to talk, and rail against you—-whether you are standing above ground—-or stretched out 6′ under.

    Nothing new under the Sun.

    Just go for the gusto, Black women!

    Please.

    Grab life by the horns and make it give you what you so rightfully deserve.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, readers, what do you think?

I would like to hear from my readers as to why they think so few white men (and men of other races, as well) do not marry black women. I would like to hear responses from black women, white men, black men, white women and men/women of other races/ethnic groups.

Keep your comments clean and respectful.

I am not above deleting comments I consider racist/sexist/or demeaning.

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278 Comments

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278 responses to “AND JUST WHY DO SO FEW WHITE MEN MARRY BLACK WOMEN? (AND THAT GOES FOR MEN OF OTHER RACES AS WELL)

  1. U. Seregalia

    Hi,

    I was blown away by your article. I am a Caribbean black woman who had a brief affair with a white Dutchman in the 1980′s.

    I felt secure in our relationship, it took place in Europe and we were not a “strange sight”. He was tall and blonde and I am fat and very dark.

    I totally agree that the US society is not ready for the white man/black woman relationships as it seems to condone the successful black man (normally a basketball/football player or actor) and white groupie.

    In my country we mix with all races, but the effect of slavery is still with us as the fairer skinned blacks are still seen as premium, naturally straight or slightly curled hair is also valued above the “nappy” head.

    I am currently sharing sexual fantasies with a white american widower but as you said we might be good enough to date, have sexual encounters with, but marriage is in a completely different realm.

    The day might come, in the not too distant future, when we as black women will be judged by the width of our minds and not our bra sizes, by the complexity of our conversations rather than by the tint of our skins and by how well we can help the men in our lives attain their goals rather than how close we resemble white women.

    • gary annis

      I don’t know how many white men feel this way,but I must say that Black women are strong (due to adversity from every @%&*%$) body )
      smart ,down to earth,sexy, truly should be ahead of the rest of the rest of the females on the planet…… nuf said.

  2. Ann

    U. Seregalia.

    “I totally agree that the US society is not ready for the white man/black woman relationships as it seems to condone the successful black man (normally a basketball/football player or actor) and white groupie.”

    Yes.

    IF such a thing happens, then the paradigm will shift. But, it will probably be 10,000 to 15,000 years before America acknowledges the sublime beauty, inner and outer, of Black women.

    Thanks for stopping by.

    • Adam

      I think black women are just the most unattractive females in our society. And there is no PROBLEM or mystery as to why white men dont prefer black women. Intelligence, Beauty, Charisma, and talent are among the things to be considered when a white male of northern european decent is looking for a mate. You cant blame it on past slavery, segregation, or even stoop so low as to blame white societies taboo on the subject. Genetics are genetics. Nothing you can do about it. Until the older more “blacker” generations of black women have been bred out completely and the new generation of black women have atleast 1/3 of white genes in them, you are going to see the same statistic. Until then, just keep telling yourself that you have pure, black strenght and beauty ( all that tyler perry propaganda lol ) and keep guilt tripping your fellow black males about wanting a white woman.

      So, until your eye color starts to lighten up, your just going to have to keep tying down a few brothas with some babies and collect some child support.

      Now dont be upset, it all boils down to genetics. And when you have a country no longer seperated by ethnicity, you ARE going to have genetic competition, and black females arent bringing much to the table. Oh yeah, except for their uncanny ability to survive in poverty while keeping their spirits up.

      • nightsprince

        @adam, u have lost ur mind. lets get this straight right now. black women and men genetics are the strongest on this planet. question, white women need and may i say it again NEED makeup to look the way they do, have u seen ur so called hollywood white women stars with out makeup? white women dont have upper lips, white women dont have curvy shapes. black men from the age of 12 have natural muscle tone without doing 1 push up compared to white boys at the same age. black older people look younger than their age compared to older white people. now lets mixed the races. if u add a black gene to any other race the result will be an exotic looking person, example puerto rican, brazilan,, and have u ever seen an asian mixed with a black mom or dad. beautiful. we are naturally stronger people thats why we where used to build civilizations, look at the things columbus did. u guys were to weak to handle the work. u can talk about blacks all u want, but theres no race of woman alive that is built better than a black woman, my point, u guys use to talk about black people lips, now white women pay to the roof to get them, u guys use to talk about . how big a black woman butt is, now white women pay to have one. tell me this if u would put two white people on a island and they had to populate the world what kind of people will u have? all white. now lets do the same with 2 black people a man and woman. u would get different shades of color, different hair textures and so on, u know where this is going right? the natives of south america, mexico, north america, and asia , and africa were people of nature, we lived along the balance with it, we ate from it. we cared for it. not until ur race came through and destroyed what is natural. u have turned this whole world to a money pit filled with greed sorrow and lies, its all in readings. i love the way ur race try to take what africans, indians, and asian culture and try to steal it to make it seem like u have created everything. when u look at a black woman u look at beauty, when u look at the natives in south america and the indians of north america u see beauty. when u look at the asians u see beauty, when u look at urselves u see a false beauty something that as to b made up to even come close to what naturally beauty is.

      • Mint

        I am a proud black female who would hope that ALL women would find themselves to be beautiful. Black women do not have to look outside their race. There are plenty intelligent and wonderful black men. who prefer Black women. People need to rid themselves of the 1712 Willie Lynch doctrine and love all people. We are all from the human race. It is a proven fact that most blacks and white people share the same DNA. Most white do not even no that they have black blood. After re-construction, the very white looking black past for white. Generations later, many think that they are entirely white. Not trying to get anyone angry. I am just telling the truth. Do the research. It is like when they lied to you when they told you that Jesus came for a European country and continent. Black history is your history too.
        Hateful comments are reasons why people can not move on from slavery, from Jim Crow Laws, and from modern day injustices. It is sad to see people hating themselves. Yes, it is a fact that most whites and blacks have mixed blood. In slavery white men had no problem raping and having babies by young ,black girls and women. It is amazing that today white men feel that black women are ugly. For centuries ,the black genes were destroyed by white men who loved to making black babies of very shade. How could a white man rape or have sex with someone that you are not attractive to? Just asking!

  3. Adam

    Hi Ann,

    If I recall correctly, you and I had an exchange on another forum about black women and white men as potential dating and married partners.

    I will gladly offer comments again as I have plenty to say.

    For now, I would like to offer this thought:

    I think it would be great if we could somehow get three or four white men ( and yes, three to four black men too.) to offer their comments on their black wives (e.g. what attracted them to their wives, what they love best about their wives, the unique qualities their wives possess, their children together, etc.). The white men, in particular, are few, but they are out there.

    I think it would be a unique accompaniment to the discussion you have above.

    All the best,

    Adam

  4. Ann

    Hello, Adam.

    I think your comment deserves to be made into a post in and of itself.

    If you do not mind, I will post it today for comments/responses on what you suggested.

    Thanks for stopping by.

  5. Pingback: A QUESTION FROM A COMMENTOR: ‘MEN, WHAT ATTRACTED YOU TO YOUR BLACK WIFE?’ « BEAUTIFUL, ALSO, ARE THE SOULS OF MY BLACK SISTERS

  6. To be honest, I suspect that the resistence comes from black women for the most part. If we were more open minded, there’d be a lot more of us married out. It should also be said that very few black women would engage in sex with white men because of “bad images.”

  7. Ann

    Does this resistance come from fear of white men having stereotypes about black women?

    Because of the “bad images” created against black women during slavery/Reconstruction/segregation, passed down by white male to white male, many black women may fear that a white man is only seeking them out for sexual gratification.

    And those stereotypes still hold sway with many white men (and men of other races as well) in this day and age.

    Racist/sexist stereoyping is what white men did to black women for over 400 years, and for many black women, it is hard for them to overcome the fear of being used just because of their color/race.

    There are some black women who are open-minded; but, some of them too, have horror stories to tell when they did let a white man into their life.

    So, therefore, black women…and white men….are at a deadlock in the 21ST Century in whatever kind of relationship they might be able to cultivate with each other.

  8. Dennis

    Why have I never chosen a black woman for a wife?

    That is easy, the black women I have met express no interest in me, thus, asking one of them to marry me is laughable!

    I have met some very attractive and witty black women that have made me think “Oh yeah, she’s cute, definitely would date her”. But without mutual interest, there is no point in pursuing her.

    If I had ever met a black women that I was attracted to that would treat me lovingly, be loyal without end, love my family, the children I have already, be a solid mother to my kids, be kind instead of quarrelsome like so many white women, believe me, a black woman as a bride would be just fine.

    For as long as I am invisible to black women, there is nothing I can do to change the lack of white husbands for black women.

    Apologies to the Black Women, you’re simply not interested in white men!

    • Nubian

      Youre Right Most of us arent>

    • Linda

      That’s true. I don’t find white men attractive and I do lots of research into my history. Why would anyone in there right mind want to date and marry their oppressor unless they were crazy as hell. I’m not against those who choose to, but the more aware and knowledgeable I become about the past and present…I would NOT want a white man or other races cause they are soooo racist to begin with and they feel they are better than us and all they want to do is wam bam thank you madame. Many black men dog us out, so they no better. So I really don’t know the answer.

      • Calvin

        Exactly, just like 99..9999999% of BLACK men don’t find wide nosed, nappy headed, ashy skin, black women attractive.

      • wally180

        you are possibly the most racist person on this blog to be honest. claiming you dont like white men because theyre racist? Im far from racist, anybody that knows me would tell you that i care for others just as much as i do myself, and as far as the wam bam thank you mam, i doubt it would even get that far with somebody with such a low level of mental development such as yourself. Anybody thats afraid of letting somebody get close to them because of the fear of them being racist, is the most racist person themself. By not being open minded in all endeavours of life you’re only limiting yourself, not others. You’re doing people like me a favor by shutting me out because thats one less negative person in the world that i have to worry about making the mistake of being involved with.

        Yes, im a white male, im 32 years old and in no way responsible, either directly nor indirectly for slavery, inequality or inhumane treatment that other white people before i was even alive, have inflicted on black people. Nor will i apologise for their actions. It isn’t my duty to correct the faults of my predecessors no matter how hideous their actions may have been. I am an idividual and am as closely related to Martin Luther King as you are. And you are as closely related to Hitler as I am (probably more so because of your belief system ). In fact, even if Hitler was my Father you would be closer to him for just that reason, your beliefs. Thats the one thing people seem to not understand and why our world is still so ugly today. If you compare anybody to anybody else based on the color of their skin, YOU ARE RACIST. Its that simple. When the color of somebody elses skin matters more then the beliefs you share and/or don’t share, you are racist.

      • GABRIELLE

        Yes you do know the answer because you said it yourself. Love and respect is not about race. Good luck.

      • Ann Goodwin

        Speak It Sister!!!

      • Andre

        To be honest, many White people are bored with being labelled as ‘an oppressor,’ a ‘cracker,’ a ‘wet dog,’ a ‘racist,’ a Honky, or a White Supremacist.’Most men I know want romance from a woman who plays really hard to get and who would never dream of agreeing to sex until many months into the relationship.These are the women we would choose for a wife because we know they can wait with patience and that they are decent, moral, and capable of chasteness and fidelity. I have never ‘dated or even been friends with Black women. I am sure some are very loving but prefer my own White race.

    • Milki

      Most of us aren’t but there are exceptions. I am one of them. I am 22 dating a white guy and he is the sweetest guy I have ever met. We do get stared at because he is older than I am, but I don’t care.

    • Cheryl

      Your reasons for not dating a black woman is laughable. Did you ever think to approach that woman you “thought was cute”? Many white men have heard that stereotype from black men about black women that they are wary of approaching us. My husband is white and was very shy, his family did not like the fact that he was with a black woman but once they got to know me and saw how much their son loved me they seemingly accepted me. My father in law down in his hometown will not be seen in our presence after being together for 22 years. THAT is why there are so few white men with black women. Depends on how he was raised, what he heard black men say about black women (black women don’t put up with no shit like white women do), and the attitude of the black woman herself.

    • GABRIELLE

      I am a black women and have always dated white men and other races of men, too. It depended on who I met, found attractive and was attracted to me in return. Race did not matter and never will. Other things are much more important like looks, humor, intelligence, kindness; etc.

  9. Ann

    Dennis:

    “But without mutual interest, there is no point in pursuing her.”

    Withour mutual respect, understanding, and especially loyalty….there can be no relationship.

    Fear of what will the BC thinks is ludicrous. The BC will not take care of you: your husband (black, white, yellow, red, brown) will be the one sharing your life.

    “For as long as I am invisible to black women, there is nothing I can do to change the lack of white husbands for black women.”

    Goes back to what I stated in my post when some black women state: “Nothing but a black man for me!”

    But, then what if you are living around nothing but white men (say, Alaska), then what are you going to do? Suffer from denying yourself human companionship?

    “Apologies to the Black Women, you’re simply not interested in white men!”

    Some black women are interested in white men (and men of other races), but, they must let go of the fears they may have of white men. A woman can see if a man loves and honors her as a human being, if she cares to be honest with herself.

    The same things that a black man can give a black woman: respect, fidelity, adoration and love. . . .are the same things that a white man, or man of another race can give a black woman.

    “Invisible.”

    Agreed.

    No one wants their humanity to be invalidated.

    No matter what their race/gender is.

    Thanks for stopping by, and thank you for your comments.

  10. I think it is indeed a fear based on the stereotypes drilled into us by our families. It appears that most black families teach their daughters that white men want nothing from them but sex. On the other hand, we were also taught that most white men are racists who hate black men and black women. Therefore, it is tough for us to feel comfortable with them. That is the reason why I believe most black women will not get involved with white men. I’ve crossed the color line but I still can’t feel at ease with white men as a group. I think with this new found black female consciousness I notice among some of us, we are freeing ourselves from that. In other words, we are slowly realizing that white men aren’t so bad after all.

  11. Ann

    LorMarie:

    “In other words, we are slowly realizing that white men aren’t so bad after all.”

    Yes, only men in the end afterall. . . .just as black women are women in the end afterall, as well. The good, and the bad.

    Thanks so much for your comments, and thanks for stopping by.

  12. Jennifer

    I honestly don’t believe that a lot of black women today are resisting white men anymore, for whatever reason. I have all my life went to an mostly white school, with about 10% of the people being black. I have had plenty of interaction with white males, as friends. They knew me, it was not a “we come from different worlds” situation. We all had a lot in common, however, I never dated one. Not one. Not through highschool, nor college. So I am not that convinced that the issue is life is so different between the two groups. I believe for the most part white men don’t want to deal with the issues (or so called issues) of dating or marrying black women. They want to keep their white priviledge and marrying a black woman is not the a way to do that.

    The only groups of white men I know who did not mind marrying a black woman, were 1. the ones of lower (for lack of a better term “white trash”; not my words) status. I believe it was because they felt they had nothing to lose. 2. Italians who were known for their interest in black women, hence this being a little more accepted. and 3. Unattractive ones. I am sorry but I rarely see an attractive, white males with a black female. And usually the black female is very attractive. Why is that? Are our “best” good enough for their “worse”? I don’t think that is fair nor right.

    Either way, I think it could be more useful if you added some white men who aren’t married to black women to you all’s conversation and ask “them” why they did not want to pursue a black woman.

    To the poster, I loved your article, it was very real and insightful. I personally am not interested in waiting for a white man to come to his senses and realize the value in black women. I think it is just sad that we would ever have to. Black women are the strongest women I know. If ANY other race of women had to deal with the levels of rejection that we had to, they would fall apart and check out. So whatever happens in this life, I hope we black women atleast stick together and appreciate the worth in ourselves, that we know exists.

    • Pamela

      Not just Italians, but I’ve also found Jews are interested in me – as Native American, though, not because they think I’m “black” and are into whatever exoticism they think comes out of Africa or out of the American South – people interested in me for things I’m NOT make me want to either scalp them with my tomahawk that reads “I went to YALE you racist bastards” or go to Greenland to get as far away from them as possible.

  13. Ann

    Jennifer.

    Thank you for your very truthful, but painful, comments.

    “I believe for the most part white men don’t want to deal with the issues (or so called issues) of dating or marrying black women.”

    Yes. Issues their forefathers created and maintained during slavery, Reconstruction, and Jane Crow segregation, and issues that still operate from the vestiges of white male hatred, contempt and villication against black women.

    “They want to keep their white priviledge and marrying a black woman is not the a way to do that.”

    Yes.

    Also, they want to keep their children “white”, as well.

    “Either way, I think it could be more useful if you added some white men who aren’t married to black women to you all’s conversation and ask “them” why they did not want to pursue a black woman.”

    Excellent thought. I would surmise that the reasons for not marrying a black woman would be more numerous than the waves in the ocean, and just as pernicious.

    “I hope we black women atleast stick together and appreciate the worth in ourselves, that we know exists.”

    True.

    More kindness, sisterly love, compassion, and patience with each other. More having each other’s backs.

    God knows. . . .the rest of the world shows us so little respect of our humanity, in many ways.

    Thanks again for your comments, and thanks for stopping by.

  14. BraystreetBoy

    As a handsome black lad,I’ve NEVER been able to discern
    why so few black women date(or marry) white men.
    We black dudes-especially yours truly-are ALWAYS after
    a hot white chick,so why shouldn’t some “Brooke The
    Bod” black babe go after a white boy?Plenty of interracial
    couples are telegenic enough to be the bride and groom on
    the wedding cake,so the dearth of black female-white
    male couples puzzles me.

    • Serenity

      This is not a Black male. I am so sick and tired of white men pretending to be Black just to cause argument

      • Justin

        Lol, that is really funny. Based on the wording it does sound like a white guy but you never know it could just be a really strange black man hahahaha!

  15. Ann

    @BraystreetBoy:

    “….so why shouldn’t some “Brooke The
    Bod” black babe go after a white boy?”

    Why should the woman have to “go after the man”?

    What is stopping the “man” from approaching and giving interest in the woman?

  16. In fairness, black men do mention that they are approached by white women (often). It is also said that Asian women approach white men. Personally, I see nothing wrong with approaching a guy if I like him (of another race). If some are uncomfortable, you could just try small talk and take it from there.

    Unfortunately, black women have a reputation of being “for black men only.” Thus, many white guys won’t even bother to approach black women or “request” them at dating sites. Again, that is something I’m often told.

    I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I prefer nonblack men. For the most part, I’ve been approached. I believe it’s due to the fact that my former religious worldview taught me that men are the ones to pursue. Not the other way around. Now, if I see a guy I’m interested in, I’ll “approach” LOL. It’s almost empowering.

  17. Ann

    “In fairness, black men do mention that they are approached by white women (often). It is also said that Asian women approach white men. Personally, I see nothing wrong with approaching a guy if I like him (of another race). If some are uncomfortable, you could just try small talk and take it from there. ”

    I do not doubt that Black men are approached by White women. True, White women do not have the baggage of being stereoyped as “loose” more than Black women if they approach a man of another race. Maybe that is what makes me more reserved with approaching any man. I have nothing wrong with a woman approaching a man, but, for me, “approaching” a man would consist mainly of saying “Hello, how are you?” or if in a grocery store, “Hey, you have good tastes in cooking oils (if he is seen buying Grapeseed Oil as opposed to buying Olive Oil).

    For me, approaching a man would mainly be to speak to him if he is walking past me, (I do speak to and give eye contact to men of all races, that is, if there is eye contact from them in the first place). Just going up to a man and saying to him, “Hey, you are handsome, how’s about we go to a movie?”—–will not happen.

    Now, if the man speaks to me and says “Hello”, I will speak back to him. If he says nothing more past that, it will be inconceivable to me to pursue him.

    (I can’t help being that way—-guess that is the archaic, Stone Age approach I have in getting a man’s attention.)

    As for the small talk, I am fine with that. But, once again, being very reserved, I will not “go after” the man if he shows nothing but a “Hi and Goodbye” response to me.

    “Unfortunately, black women have a reputation of being “for black men only.”

    Oh, really?

    And these White/non-Black men who state this lie are experts on all Black women? They have come to the brainwashed conclusion that ALL Black women are for “black men only”? Men of other races have written Black women off just like the rest of the world has? Men of other races are now authorities on what Black women really want/desire out of this world?

    I can only speak for myself.

    I like MEN.

    Period.

    Not “White” men, not “Black” men, not men of “Other races”.

    Men.

    Men who will love me, not be ashamed to be seen in public with me, not leeching parasites, not irresponsible, not immoral.

    Men.

    “Thus, many white guys won’t even bother to approach black women or “request” them at dating sites. Again, that is something I’m often told.”

    Hmm, well, if such a thing is true, then those are not real men. If you (by you, I mean men) go by what you THINK someone else is thinking, by what someone else told you about Black women, you cut yourself off from that person/Black women from the get-go.

    How would a man know what I am thinking if he assumes the worst and will not even say “Hello” or engage me as a fellow human being?

    If I can speak to men of different races (and you should see the faces on some of them when I give a pleasant “Hello” to many non-Black men; the looks of shock on their faces is ridiculous)—but, if I can speak to men of other races, then what is so frightening about that?

    If I, a very reserved woman can at least speak to a man, what is so terrifying that a man of another race cannot do the same and speak to me, with just a simple common courtesy of “Hello”?

    “For the most part, I’ve been approached.”

    Now, that’s the kicker right there for some women. What kind of “approach” is occurring?

    -”Hello, how are you?”
    -”Hey, you are very nice-looking, may I speak to you?”
    -”Hey, good-looking, how’s about coming up to my place?”
    -Derisive catcalls, whistles, grunting, animal sounds?
    -”Hey, baby, you look so fine, wanna be my lady?”

    (And all of the above can be stated by all men, not just White men.)

    Depends on the man’s approach.

    “Now, if I see a guy I’m interested in, I’ll “approach” LOL. It’s almost empowering.”

    I will agree, it is very empowering. It is no less empowering than going on a solo vacation by yourself, to a foreign country and enjoying yourself because you are determined to enjoy yourself—–and you do.

    I see many men everyday of all races whom I would like to “approach”, but, my stoic, reserved mind puts up that Great Wall of Propriety.

    Hmm.

    One day. . . .

    . . . .we…shall….see.

  18. And these White/non-Black men who state this lie are experts on all Black women? They have come to the brainwashed conclusion that ALL Black women are for “black men only”? Men of other races have written Black women off just like the rest of the world has? Men of other races are now authorities on what Black women really want/desire out of this world?–Ann

    No. But unfortunately, we are all conditioned to live in this mentality called race. It affects us in all that we do. Personally, I’d like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I believe that black women are equally at fault in the dating game because many of us think too negatively (men don’t want us…etc.). The bulk of us are single because of what we believe not necessarily because we aren’t desired. I will say that what appears to be required of black women (who date out) is to be less culturally black. I notice a pattern with black women who date and marry exclusively men of other races. She’s genetically black but culturally white.

    I like MEN.

    Period.

    Not “White” men, not “Black” men, not men of “Other races”.

    Men.

    Men who will love me, not be ashamed to be seen in public with me, not leeching parasites, not irresponsible, not immoral.

    Men.–Ann

    Nothing at all wrong with that. But come on, Ann. You must have a “type”, LOL. Everyone does. But I look at it this way. There are plenty of light skinned black women whom I’ve met over the years who only like dark skinned men. She’s often applauded for it (especially by black men, LOL). I’m just the opposite, a dark woman physically attracted to men with light skin just as there are plenty of men who have preferences.

    “Hmm, well, if such a thing is true, then those are not real men. If you (by you, I mean men) go by what you THINK someone else is thinking, by what someone else told you about Black women, you cut yourself off from that person/Black women from the get-go.”

    I personally would not brand them all as not being real men. Men have the right to be shy just like we are. It’s rejection they’re afraid of, not black women themselves. That is not to say that no white man is a racist.

    It all boils down to this: I don’t like to see black women be so down about the dating state of affairs. There are plenty of openings if we let go of our fears.

  19. Ann

    Lor-Marie.

    Thanks for your comments.

    “I will say that what appears to be required of black women (who date out) is to be less culturally black. I notice a pattern with black women who date and marry exclusively men of other races. She’s genetically black but culturally white.”

    So, a Black woman who marries a non-Black man MUST *mentally/culturally” leave her “blackness” behind to be his wife? Only Black women are required to give up a part of themselves to get a man in their lives? I like live plays, opera, jazz, classical guitar. I also love reading and learning about my history, as well as other racial group’s history. Must I give that up as well to get a husband? I like Black foods and cooking, Black music and hairstyles. Must I give that up to get a man? (Just asking, OK?)

    Have not Black women had much taken from us through the centuries without us having to give up more? Can I at least be myself—intelligent, witty, moral, responsible, loyal? Is that not enough for a non-Black man? Can he not accept my being a Black woman as well as my love for him?

    “Nothing at all wrong with that. But come on, Ann. You must have a “type”, LOL. Everyone does. But I look at it this way. There are plenty of light skinned black women whom I’ve met over the years who only like dark skinned men. She’s often applauded for it (especially by black men, LOL). I’m just the opposite, a dark woman physically attracted to men with light skin just as there are plenty of men who have preferences. ”

    Nothing wrong with preferences. As for what I like. . . .

    One day it is Italians.

    The next, it is Chinese (though not the Yao-Ming basketball type. I prefer Chinese men who are my height and build—-short, slender, cute face, darling eyes (Hey, I never said I had a small ego :)

    Other days, I prefer “Blond hair/deep dark—ocean blue eyes.

    Then in the next minute, luscious dark chocolate-brown eyes, jet-black hair, ripped bodies.

    What can I say.

    I. . . .like. . . .MEN

    “I personally would not brand them all as not being real men. Men have the right to be shy just like we are. It’s rejection they’re afraid of, not black women themselves. That is not to say that no white man is a racist.”

    Oh, alright, I will concede that some men are afraid of rejection. But, so too, are women. Men do not own a monopoly on rejection. Women do have feelings just like men do.

    What I am saying is that if I want to speak to someone, I speak to them. No hemming, no hawing, no stuttering. But, that is my way. If I want you—-I want you. If I do not——I do not. I will not waste your time or mine. Time is finite, and not guaranteed to anyone.

    Oh, and yes, racist white men (and men of other races as well, do still exist).

    “I don’t like to see black women be so down about the dating state of affairs.”

    Hmm, sorry that I gave that impression. Not saying nor trying to imply that there should be a downer on the state of dating affairs. I was never a go-after-a-man type of woman, but, like I said that is just me.

    Heck, I am a woman who when I go to the Red Robin Burger joint, and I wish to order food-to-go, if they ask me to sit at the bar to wait for my order, I politely decline and tell them no. I do not sit at bars (hey, that’s my moral standard from the past—-don’t ask), so, I sit over near the entrance on the seating area, until my order arrives.

    Yes, having a straight-laced outlook on life can be somewhat circumventing, but, hey, that’s me.

    Also, I have read many a Black woman’s words on the internet, where they have gone to other parts of the world (Europe, North Africa, South America), and they have been treated BETTER by the men in those countries better than they are treated here in the good ol’ USA.

    I can speak for myself on that—-with a visit to Mexico, the Bahamas, and Canada, and I was never disrespected by the men there. But, hey, those are just my experiences.

    Fear.

    Yes, there are many types of fear.

    Some are really groundless and more than what a person makes out of the situation.

    But, some are valid.

    Nothing else to do but follow that old Negro spiritual: “We fall down, “And then we get up”.

    And work on overcoming the fear of flying, and letting go and enjoying life to the fullest.

    • wally180

      Speaking from a white mans perspective i kind of agree with the beginning of this statement. Although probably for a different reason then you may expect.I do believe that it’s because black women tend to retain their cultural “blackness” more then black men do. (usually but not always)

      (this paragraph is going to seem like im going off topic but its all relative)
      MODERATOR; I removed your second portion of your comment because it was not on topic: “And Just Why Do So Few White Men Marry Black Women. . . .”. When commenting, please stay on topic with the post under discussion.

      (Ok, back to my original point, and this is where its related) Generally speaking, if i were to be involved in a serious relationship with a black woman, that black woman would have to be more “culturally white” then culturally black. As you already stated, you want a man thats going to approach you and make the first move. Which also leads me to believe that You’re more into the dominant rather then passive men.

      A dominant man is going to want a woman that shares the same views as him. Women that are more “Culturally Black” are more stuck in their ways then women that are culturally white. Not to mention, that black women, in general, are much more headstrong and dominant then white women.

      By a black woman being more cultrally white, we already know that she is able to see different perspectives (whic is equivalent to being less dominant) and theres only room for one dominant person in a relationship. If a woman isnt able to see the world from my perspective before i’m involved with her then that tells me that she only wants me to see the world in her perspective. I myself am more of a give and take type of guy. I would probably consider myself slightly more dominant then passive. And i would still prefer a black woman thats more culturally white. And it has nothing to do with prejudice or lack of respect for black women. Now imagine if i were very dominant trying to get into a serious relationship with a black woman thats extremely culturally black. it just wouldnt work, unless i was extremely culturally black also, which im not.

      • Ann

        As for some women (Black, White, Asian, etc.) being dominant or being passive, it depends on the situation the woman has been placed in. There are times when a woman must stand forth, and there are times when a woman must retire to the background. (I really do not care for such terms as “dominant” or “passive”, for such terms deal in absolutes, as no one person is shy and retiring all the time, nor forceful or adamant all the time.)

        As this goes for women, the same goes for men.

        People must bend as the situation presents itself, but, at other times, people must be strong in the face of adversity. And strength knows no racial or gender bounds. There is a time to take charge, and there is a time to defer. Men, as well as women, must learn this.

        As for your statement of culturally “white”, and culturally “black” just as there are White women who have respect for their culture and are married to Black men, so are there Black women who have strong respect for their culture—and they too are married to White men.

        There have been, and still are, Black women who respect their culture, and are able to see things from other culture, races, ethnicity viewpoints. Such Black women have a world view that is positive, open, and capable of learning new views on life.

        As for this statement:

        “Which also leads me to believe that You’re more into the dominant rather then passive men. “; And it is presumptuous of you to assume that you know what I want. I do not want a dominant man nor a passive man. I desire a man who is resourceful, responsible, reasonable, a good listener and patient. The same outlook that I have on life.

        On the other hand, you will need to explain what you mean by “culturally White” in a Black woman.

    • Pamela

      Canada? What part of CANADA did you go to where white men didn’t have their hands all over your boobs?? No place out West, for sure, nor Quebec……..

  20. my computer died in the middle of my last comment. I’ll finish the post if the other went through.

  21. I’ll shorten my previous response that I tried to post before my computer shut off. I was going to say that most of the black women I know of who have no trouble attracting and keeping white men are those who fall into the category of “acting white.” Such have a specific way of speaking, enjoy so called white activities (rock music, skiing, etc). Not saying it’s right, just what I’ve seen. I also believe that this requirement extends to all nonwhite women. If you notice, Asian women are almost completely assimilated into white culture, much more so than black women…thus, many have an easy time dating/marrying whites. Again, not saying it’s right or that black women should deny their heritage in order to date out, but just going by my own personal observations. The less a black woman reminds the average white man of blackness (lifestyle, mannerism), the more he’s going to be interested in her.

    • Pamela

      That doesn’t always work by itself. I was “raised white” more “white” than the white men themselves; I like classical music, ice skating, opera, symphony, science fiction, was always good at math, science, computers, Latin, and French in high school, got into Yale, Princeton, Cornell and Johns Hopkins, now have a math teaching credential, and yet because of the shade of my skin still have a hella hard time attracting men who share my interests and upbringing (the “white” middle class suburbs). They see skin color before they get to know your lifestyle is EXACTLY LIKE THEIRS.
      I like myself this way, by the way. My father the Cost Accountant who went to UCLA, raised me this way, so I don’t think there’s anything bad about the way I live my life, and wonder to this day why when black people see me they FROWN and GROWL when they’re saying “you think you’re white.” No, I’m Native American! – what’s “white” about that and anyway if I want a decent man with everything in common with me this is a GOOD thing.

  22. Ann

    Hmm. Maybe it’s just me. . . . :)

    . . . .but, I have always considered rock music, Black music:

    -Chuck Berry
    -Bo Diddley
    -Little Richard
    -Little Eva
    -Ike Turner
    -Jimi Hendrix

    Not “white music”.

    At least it was Black music until Whites took it over, diluted it, denatured it, corrupted it and turned in into a former shell of itself.

    And just in case anyone guesses. . . .

    . . . .no, I do not consider Elvis the King of Rock-n-Roll.

    On the issue of Black women assimilating into Whiteness when married to a White man. . . .

    . . . .well, I guess I will not be marrying a White man if I cannot just be myself.

    What’s next?

    “Hey, don’t talk to or associate with your relatives? Your next of kin? Your former classmates?

    Sheesh.

    “I also believe that this requirement extends to all nonwhite women.”

    And that “requirement” is beyond sordid.

    Always it is the WOC who must give up, give over, and give out. Never the White man, who always has everyone acquiesce and kowtow to his whims and demands.

    “The less a black woman reminds the average white man of blackness (lifestyle, mannerism), the more he’s going to be interested in her.”

    Then he will not get a “BlackWhite Woman” from me.

    Be man enough to accept all that I bring to the relationship, or stay out of my life.

    If I can accept you (White, Arab, Latino, Asian man) just as you are before the marriage, surely, you can have the backbone to accept me as I am.

    You (White man) either want a Black woman, or you want a White woman.

    Make up your mind.

    Oh, and by the way, I like snow and skiing as well.

    Peace.

  23. Ann

    Oh. . . .

    . . . and I also like camping, hiking, and parasailing.

    :)

  24. Actually the two groups with the lowest marriage rate is Black women and Asian males. So what we need to do is start hooking up with Asian males. Kill two birds with one stone. Besides people will just assume every Asian person knows some kind of martial art and won’t bother us. It will be great.
    And if they are Korean, well they own half of LA anyway so why not? And have you had Korean BBQ? Telling you, give us Black folks a run for our money in that aspect!

    Seriously, though it is not the color of a person’s skin that matters. If Whites for whatever don’t want to marry Black women then it is their loss because we will find someone. We are the most beautiful, loving, loyal and spiritual people on the planet, you couldn’t do any better than to have a Black wife. In any case, thanks for trying to lift a sister up-that is what we need.

  25. Ann

    @Blacknright.

    It’s funny that you mention Asian American men and Black American women combining forces. I have addressed that on other blogs and here on my own blog as well:

    http://kathmanduk2.wordpress.com/2007/10/10/a-question-from-a-commentor/

    “In any case, thanks for trying to lift a sister up-that is what we need.”

    I do what I can. Not many people out there who do speak up for us.

    Thanks for your comments, and thanks for stopping by.

  26. mimi227

    First of all we all should put the blame on the media, when was the last time there was a hot black girl on the cover of HFM, Vogue, Elle, Cosmo, and so on magazine.
    and if they do celebrate a black woman, she’s covered in weave, her eye color changed and nose is either shaded to thin it out or has had plastic surgery to look smaller.
    when was the last time the media celebrated the natural kink in black women’s hair.
    Lots of white men do find black women attractive, we are all trained to like white or next to white

    Ball players and black entertainers do black women no favors, they have so much self hate and brainwashing that the moment they hit a bit of success the run to the white or near white woman
    thus telling the world that white is better.

    I am so happy that Barack Obama a young and beautiful, educated, successful black man is married to a black woman and not the one who looks mixed, now people are taking a better look at her and seeing her beauty,
    and her mind and how great of a parent she is. Sad that the media really never played up her type as a role model. She will show the world that we are all beautiful.
    Remember how the media tried to make her look angry and play into that false stereotype.

    Another brainwashing problem is with black women, black women are trained to stay with black men, and she is the first to be criticized if she dates outside the so called race ( a people who have been mixed since they got to America) Yet, the black man can’ t get enough of white women. Thats the taboo subject with black men they can exclude and criticize black women or just plain use or ignore their women, but if its the other way around they will piss a fit, in fact, I here lots of black women talk about how they love a dark skinned man, yet black men when they get a break and can possibly marry any woman they want they do the exact opposite. Understanding this now wonder why black women hove low self esteem in turn creating more lack of love and confusion on both sides male and female for the race.

    • Linda

      This is really the truth. It seem like everywhere I go I see black men married to anything ,but a black woman. They can marry anyone they like, but let a sistah do that…they have plenty to say. The become rich and famous calling us all kinds of bitches, hoe etc. If you go out with a different race, they give you plenty of attitude and say stupid things.

    • Pamela

      President Obama is half WHITE, his WHITE mother raised him in a place which is not the American South nor Africa. People say he’s “black” as if he didn’t have a mother? The mother doesn’t count when the mother isn’t the black parent?! How hypocritical is that! And he didn’t go to some Black college in the segregated South, he went to two Ivies in the segregated Northeast. He’s half-white. He just doesn’t have light enough skin to call him “white.”

      • slice

        @Pamela

        People can argue until they’re blue in the face about how Obama is just as white as he is black, but the reality is, he looks like and IS a BLACK man–dosen’t matter how white his mother was, he still looks more like his black father, period. His being half-white does NOT cancel out his blackness whatsoever—I don’t understand why the hell people like yourself, as well as other white people, seem to think that it does—-apparently it l I mean,damn, he looks NOTHING like a white man, so why do people keep harping on that,as if it makes him more acceptable than just being a REGULAR black man! Give me a break, for goodness sake!

  27. mimi227

    OK. First of all we all should put the blame on the media, when was the last time there was a hot black girl on the cover of HFM, Vogue, Elle, Cosmo, and so on magazine.
    and if they do celebrate a black woman, she’s covered in weave, her eye color changed and nose is either shaded to thin it out or has had plastic surgery to look smaller.
    when was the last time the media celebrated the natural kink in black women’s hair.
    Lots of white men do find black women attractive, we are all trained to like white or next to white

    Ball players and black entertainers do black women no favors, they have so much self hate and brainwashing that the moment they hit a bit of success the run to the white or near white woman
    thus telling the world that white is better.

    I am so happy that Barack Obama a young and beautiful, educated, successful black man is married to a black woman and not the one who looks mixed, now people are taking a better look at her and seeing her beauty,
    and her mind and how great of a parent she is. Sad that the media really never played up her type as a role model. She will show the world that we are all beautiful.
    Remember how the media tried to make her look angry and play into that false stereotype.

    Another brainwashing problem is with black women, black women are trained to stay with black men, and she is the first to be criticized if she dates outside the so called race ( a people who have been mixed since they got to America) Yet, the black man can’ t get enough of white women. Thats the taboo subject with black men they can exclude and criticize black women or just plain use or ignore their women, but if its the other way around they will piss a fit, in fact, I here lots of black women talk about how they love a dark skinned man, yet black men when they get a break and can possibly marry any woman they want they do the exact opposite. Understanding this now wonder why black women hove low self esteem in turn creating more lack of love and confusion on both sides male and female for the race.

  28. Dan

    As a middle aged white male raised in the Pacific Northwest I’ve dated out of my race serveral times. Black, Asian & Native American.
    Black women have everything they require to attract any race of man they choose. Period.
    More than one I’ve attempted to interest, has informed me “I only date within my race”.
    I respect this.
    Sometimes this makes me want to know them even more…..
    Black women are absolutely some of the most beautyful people this white boy has EVER met.
    Smart, strong, tender, devoted, loyal and true.
    Not to mention “FINE”.

    • JULIE

      WOW. NEVER SEEN A WHITE MAN WHO CAN VOICE HIS LOVE 4 BLACK WOMEN SUCH AS YOU. THATS REAL NICE.

      • Dan

        I love women and always try to show my respect.
        Could we attempt to see ourselves as people first rather than men & women, black or white, American, Japanese or whatever perhaps we all could be more empathetic. Human nature seems to drive our instincts more often than not with no real thought given for our collective day to day muddlings.
        My attraction to women other than my own race is easily as compelling as it to white women. Beauty is beauty?
        As a former fan of Star Trek, I’ve to confess a strong proclivity for GREEN CHICKS as well….
        Only kidding.
        The color of skin is only a covering pigment, we’re all the same inside pretty much.
        To the black women out there I would only wish to say, Don’t count us all out. We wish only to be loved too.

  29. Visionblurr

    Hi, Anne. I’ve been reading your blogs (and as a white male) agree with you on some things. I am, of course, attracted to white women..but those of other physical types as well. A black woman with big brown eyes and a cute smile is just as effective as a white one ;). It’s wired in all of us to be attracted to beauty, and finding someone that appeals to you (both in personality and attractiveness) is a wonderful thing.

    However, part of the reason that some white men will not take the time to ask a black woman out, are the attitudes that are portrayed at time. The “strong black woman” (especially when overdone) persona is definitely a turnoff; so is the “oppression” rant that is sometimes heard. No man wants to date a woman that comes off in a hostile or ascerbic fashion; No man wants to date a woman that will make him feel like a scapegoat for 400 years of oppression; no man wants to date a woman that wants to but heads in an “alpha male” fashion. Granted, I wouldn’t want a passive, demure “Scarlet O’ Hara” type, but I also wouldn’t want to date an aggressive female.

    I know that black women often get a bap rap (and some living in the urban centers-especially-have had rough times, having to raise children by themselves) but that doesn’t mean that the learned harshness should be transferred.

    Everyone is their own person

  30. Ann

    @Visionblurr:

    “However, part of the reason that some white men will not take the time to ask a black woman out, are the attitudes that are portrayed at time. The “strong black woman” (especially when overdone) persona is definitely a turnoff; so is the “oppression” rant that is sometimes heard. No man wants to date a woman that comes off in a hostile or ascerbic fashion; No man wants to date a woman that will make him feel like a scapegoat for 400 years of oppression; no man wants to date a woman that wants to but heads in an “alpha male” fashion. Granted, I wouldn’t want a passive, demure “Scarlet O’ Hara” type, but I also wouldn’t want to date an aggressive female.

    There are many Black women who are not blaming White men for slavery, the Civil War, the destruction of Reconstruction, Jane Crow segregation, nor are many Black women “alpha male” in their behaviour. There are many serene, calm, engaging Black women. And you would be lieing to yourself if you said you did not see such Black women in your life.

    They DO exist.

    But, riddle me this, Visionblurr……

    ……why is it that when a Black woman walking from point A to point B (i.e.: at the grocery store, department store, crossing the street, walking down the sidewalk, etc.), she is at least noticed by a Black man, but, when she comes within close proximity to a White man, he either looks off, looks down—–or worse, does not even look AT her.

    He treats her as if she is invisible.

    I have on some occasions, sat at either a sidewalk cafe, or a place where I can position myself and people-watch to view how different races/genders interact with each other.

    Not once, have a seen a White man look at a nice-looking Black woman who walked by, in the mentioned situations.

    Case in point:

    I was invited to an architect’s opening of his new office. I went, dressed very nicely, was very polite and pleasant to the architect’s guests.

    I went to get a soda from the bar.

    One of the servers, a White male, rudely (for no reason) literally slammed my soda down to me. The other White male server, saw this ignominy, picked up the drink, and apologetically, handed it to me, while looking at the rude White male server as if to ask: “Why did you do that to that lady?”

    Later on, the architect asked for everyone to gather around to introduce his partners. Everyone stopped and gave him their attention. While I was listening to him, a White male had been standing near me at the time. As the architect was speaking, this White male, moved away from me, as if he was too ashamed to be seen near me.

    Keep in mind, I had bathed before I went, breath smelled nice, I was pleasant to all the guests I spoke to (also, it must be mentioned, I was the ONLY BLACK PERSON, MALE OR FEMALE, who was in attendance). So, explain to me, why this White man had to move away from me, over to where there was a vacant spot? There was nothing wrong where he was standing, nor was I loud, mean, angry, aggressive, uncouth nor THREATENING to him or anyone else in attendance.

    Also, while at the party, I would give eye contact/smile/ nod to the White men and women there, but, it was either returned with cold indifference or ignored.

    The gist of the story is, that many White men consider Black women not as humans, not as women, and not as having any value as White, Asian, Latina, etc., women.

    While I was at that party I was not a “Strong Black Woman”. I was not an aggressive, hostile, ascerbic Black woman. I spoke nothing about slavery or White male cruelties against Black women.

    I went there to have a good time and give my support to a fellow architect.

    But, all the while I was there, no one spoke first (except me); no one nodded in my direction to recognize my humanity (I did that towards the White guests who were there, as well as the architect); no one looked at me as a human and woman who had a heart and mind.

    I was invisible to them, and I could not help but wonder what must these people think that they are so afraid and ashamed to simply acknowledge the humanity of a fellow human being with just a kind nod, smile, or simple “Hello.”

    Many White men do not approach Black women because many White men are either STILL cowards towards Black women, or will not recognize the beauty and humanity of Black womanhood. Many White men are too afraid and terrified about what others think.

    There ARE Black women who are open to relationships with White men (relationships based on love, and mutual respect, not lust and vulgar disrespect), but, these Black women remain INVISIBLE to millions of White men because those White men would rather assume and believe hated stereotypes against the many loving and kind Black women who DO live in America.

    • Sand

      You say they don’t even look at her, because they don’t know her. That aggressive attitude can be very scary. I am the only white person on my bus to and from work I’ve seen women yell for a full half hour because someone bumped into them on an overcrowed bus and continue throughtout the entire journey, “yeah you see me, I’m talking to you” is an example. So what if not all black women are like that, when you see it two or three times a week, it is human nature to generalize. If I were a man married to one of those screaming, swearing women, I’d sit in the corner and cry all day. There is one lady on my bus, who is so adorable, and the fact that she stands out, speaks volumes.

    • JAMES CARLISLE

      I read your comment, and wish to reply as awhite man to some of the things you stated,1 i am no coward,2 black women are invisible to us,but we dont believe in stereotypes. true 3 the fact that you are a strong or weak black woman is not inportant to us true.4 most white males will not go near me, this is true.5 white men do not consider us as humans,true and not true,we dont consider you at all.6 the waiter was rude to you,true ignorance abounds on earth for this alone i wish to say i am sorry. 7 you say some black women may be open to relationships, with white men,but a white mans ,first consern is his children,to my own self i am true,this is why white men dont care about black men going with white women,since there off spring are not white anyway, ists important not to consider this as hate,it goes beyond that?8 you state that white people didnt speak to you,male or female,this is true,whites along time ago realised that its pointless ,even talking to blacks, you simply cant win, why bother.
      In summin up you have done nothing wrong, you have no reason to be ashamed, i dont wish to make you cry ,since you seem to be a sincere,kind woman ,but the gulf between us is to great,and our history ,of hate is to long,consider this
      To long a suffering makes a stone of the heart.?

  31. Ann

    @Mimi227 and Dan

    Thank you both for your comments, and thanks for stopping by.

  32. Hi Anne,

    I’m not trying to belittle your experience or argue in any way. Nor will I claim that racism doesn’t exist on the part of white men against black women. But, your experience is not what I hear from the majority of black women who socialize in mixed or mostly nonblack settings. I have found that for the most part, white men are respectful and chivalrous. In fact, I’ve found them to be much more accepting of me than white women. Then again, I find men of all races to be easier to deal with than women of all races, LOL.

    Case in point, I went out with a few friends the other night and many nonblack men made eye contact, flirted, and simply let us know that we were noticed. My pics are on my blog…one can see that I am not light skinned with Euro features. One of my friends looks more “African” than I do and nonblack men were checking her out.

    Again, there are plenty of white men out there who can’t stand black women. But an attitude of not recognizing our humanity is in my opinion few and far between. I.E. I’d bet the numbers of white men who see us as subhuman is much less than those who see us as human beings.

  33. Ann

    @Lormarie.

    “I’m not trying to belittle your experience or argue in any way. Nor will I claim that racism doesn’t exist on the part of white men against black women. But, your experience is not what I hear from the majority of black women who socialize in mixed or mostly nonblack settings.”

    Of course my experience for that ONE night is not what the majority of Black women have. Nor is it the majority of My experiences with many White/non-black men, either. That was one situation where I went where I was not an employee (think Office Christmas Party, where I have had no trouble/disrespect from White/non-Black men who have attended Christmas parties in the past).

    “I have found that for the most part, white men are respectful and chivalrous.”

    So have I. As that second White male server exemplified at the architect’s party. He may have been a server, but, he was still a man who happened to be White who recognized and respected my humanity.

    “In fact, I’ve found them to be much more accepting of me than white women. Then again, I find men of all races to be easier to deal with than women of all races, LOL. ”

    And here it was, I thought that I was the only person who noticed that.

    Agreed.

    I have had more trouble from women than I have from men. White women seem to show more contempt for the happiness of Black women than any other group I know of (well, those White women who are guilty of such behaviour.)

    Then again, after the Civil War, many Southern White women DID NOT wish to see White men continuing to be with Black women, ESPECIALLY since some of those White men were starting to MARRY Black women during Reconstruction, instead of just laying up with them.

    “Case in point, I went out with a few friends the other night and many nonblack men made eye contact, flirted, and simply let us know that we were noticed. My pics are on my blog…one can see that I am not light skinned with Euro features. One of my friends looks more “African” than I do and nonblack men were checking her out.”

    I do not doubt that such respect happens and I know that there are Black women who are admired and respected when out.

    Question:
    -Where did you and your friends go? Nightclub, museum exhibit party? Friend’s house party? I ask because I am not the nightclub type, so I guess it depends on the type of social function. Not that should have a great overbearing effect on it.

    “Again, there are plenty of white men out there who can’t stand black women. But an attitude of not recognizing our humanity is in my opinion few and far between. I.E. I’d bet the numbers of white men who see us as subhuman is much less than those who see us as human beings.”

    Yep.

    Just like there are plenty of Black women out there who are not loud, uncouth, aggressive, hard, or acerbic, no matter who the people are who wish to believe the worst about us.

    Now…………..on a lighter note…………

    ……..how was the Inauguration?

    If you please, leave a comment if you want to leave a response on my “Inauguration: Open Thread” post.

  34. I do agree that it is simply not fair to assume that all or most black women are loud and aggressive.

    Should I assume that all white men are like George Bush or worse… Adolf Hitler? I’ll check out your other post.

    • Ann

      “Should I assume that all white men are like George Bush or worse… Adolf Hitler? ”

      No.

      You should not assume that all White men are like George Dubya Bush (whom I consider worse than Hitler——my opinion.)

      Everyone is most definitely their own person.

  35. Thomas

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it but when you stereo type good men and put them in the same category as the bad ones you’ll never find a great black guy and there’s a lot of them waiting believe me…I am one of them

  36. Mike

    I’m a white man who finds alot of black women very attractive. Unfortunately the few I meet do not appear to have even the slightest bit of interest in me that I can tell.
    When white women I come across will go out of their way to clue me in to their interest, that tells me it’s not my looks. I’ve been told many times that I’m a good looking guy. I’m not sure what it is.

    To whoever had said that anyone is less of a man because they will not make the first move, it has nothing to do with cowardice for me. For me, I wait for the woman (not all of the time but I would prefer it) because it is outside of the norm. I want a woman to be interested enough in me to make a move instead of waiting for me to do it.
    That is a step to making her stand out to me as something “special” and not “just another typical woman”.

  37. tahlia

    well, I have to say, as a black woman I don’t really have a hard time being approached by white men. I am very attracted to white men and it has nothing to do with hating the fact that i am black. That is one problem I think black women have. If they are just into white men people think that they hate being black. Which is definitely not true for me. But I do feel as though I am treated like a sexual plaything when I am around white men. That partially discourages me from talking to them. It is like a love hate relationship that I have with them. I will never quite understand it. It’s not that I hate black men, I am just more attracted to white men.

  38. The truth of the matter that has been ignored by most of this blog ,is that as a white man, i want my children to resemble me.To call someone bi racial when they are 90% black is to lie ,not only to others but to yourself. bm+ww= bc,bw+bm= bc,bw+am=bc,bm+aw=bc,bw+wm=bc,bi+all of above =bc,
    ww+wm=wc, wm+ww=wc=truth
    sad is it not that we dont have genetic engineering so that the resessive genes are not made visible,i look forward to the day when black women and white men can produce children= that have blue eyes + 40 eye colours 50 colours hair+brown skin,would it not be an odd world in the 23 centry,if i ruled over us.Theres to the next 10, 000 years.

    IF YOU HAVE THE BALLS?

    • Ann

      “IF YOU HAVE THE BALLS?”

      Well, seeing as how I am a woman, I don’t have the balls…but, I do have the tits to respond.

      “To call someone bi racial when they are 90% black is to lie ,not only to others but to yourself”

      Where did you read that I consider “90% black” people “biracial”? I do not even believe in the ODR so I do not consider Black Americans who look whiter than some White people, as Black. Then again, that’s just me being persnickety.

      Besides, millions of Black Americans are not Black…millions of Black Americans (those born pre-1967), have much rapist white blood in their veins, so they would be more multiracial (genetically, than say, White people.) Ninety-per cent black in Black Americans? No such Black Americans exist in this country (you do have a knowledge of the racist sexual exploitation of Black women by White men during slavery, Reconstruction and segregation?)plus, there would be a tiny minority of Black Americans who could claim being “90% black”, anyway (and I assure you,they would not consider themselves “biracial”; why lay claim to that part of you (White) which for centuries has shitcanned you before the world?….now, African immigrants, well….they would be more 90% black than Black Americans can lay claim to.

      I would not say that “The truth of the matter that has been ignored by most of this blog ,is that as a white man, i want my children to resemble me.” is being ignored, but, yes, I will agree that it is an important aspect of the discussion. That it was not stated does not negate its truth.

      Yes, White men do want their children to look like them. Yes, White men do want their children’s eyes to remain forever blue/hazel; their children’s hair color to remain forever blond/blonde/red/auburn; yes, White men do want their children’s skin to remain forever white.

      Add that to that fact that millions of White men do not look upon Black women as humans the way they do women of other races, so yes, you have a combination of facts that have to be reckoned with.

      As for this “sad is it not that we dont have genetic engineering so that the resessive genes are not made visible”….give it time.”

      If I am understanding you, then you are stating that with recessive genes made visible then people will truly see what a person’s racial and genetic composition will be? Hmm….well, then we will have patch-work looking human types. Just the same, seeing the recessive genes (or not seeing them) still does not negate centuries of White male hatred against Black women. Not to mention, that there are DNA tests that pick up genetic markers on ancestry types that millions of people carry in their genetic makeup.

      Only a few decades ago, people started “changing” their gender they were born with (well, at least the outer, and somewhat, with the inner [transexual operations as they were called then].

      In the future, race-changing will come.

      Now, don’t scoff.

      People are able to determine the sex/gender of their babies, so, race-changing is not so farfetched.

      The brave new world of Aldous Huxley and H.G. wells is already opened, no shutting that door now.

      So, it would not be an odd world in the 23RD Century. Add to the fact that many non-Whites worship whiteness well it would not surprise me if many non-whites opt for looking like the race that has attacked, raped, and slaughtered them for centuries. Centuries of racist brainwashing will do that to many non-whites, and has.

      As the young lady at the end of the Twilight Zone said to her sister, “No. 8 looks just like me” the reality of race-changing is only a matter of time.

      We already have sex-changes, plastic sx, gender-detremination of babies while still in utero, so what’s to stop race-changing?

      But, I still stand by what I stated in my post (in addition to your comment on White men wanting their children to look like themselves):

      Millions of White men have been indoctrinated against Black women, more than any other race of women on this earth.

      And millions of White men do not care about the humanity of Black women.

      Black women are invisible to White men.

      Always have been.

      And still are.

    • slice

      @james

      Whatever—who gives a damn what the hell kind of kids you want—-your children are going to be YOUR children,no matter what the hell color they are. If you’re all hung up on the fact that they HAVE to be white, that’s YOUR problem, and your earlier post pretty much showed that you’re racist anyway, so just shut the hell up/stay the hell off this blog with your “I only want my kids to be white” BS. SO DAMN WHAT? WHO THE HELL CARE BESIDES YOU RACIST @!3%$

  39. Eddy Ova

    I am extremely attracted to black women as a white male. I think they are passionate, sassy and all are unique as humans. I just haven’t met enough white women to compare. I think it’s there passion for a man and will make their stand for him that makes them appealling.

  40. The law of genetics is this BW +BM=BC ,BW+WM =BC,BM+WW=BC, AM+BW=BC,BI+WM=BC ,
    HM+BW=BC

    WM+WW=WC
    is the white man and this race the true racist,were is the balance.It is natural that a man desires this child to resemble his self.
    I DONT KNOW IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO UNDERSTAND TRUTH.

    • Ann

      @ James Carlisle.

      “The law of genetics is this BW +BM=BC ,BW+WM =BC,BM+WW=BC, AM+BW=BC,BI+WM=BC ,
      HM+BW=BC.”

      Law of Genetics (Gregor Mendel), spoke of dominant and recessive genes.

      If, say, by what you state: HM + BW= BC (Hispanic male/Black female), then it must be asked the following:

      What constitutes an “Hispanic”? And how is this Hispanic supposed to look?

      -Black-skinned Puerto Rican?
      -Light-skinned Cuban? Black-skinned Cuban?
      -Brown-skinned Trinidadian? Medium-brown-skinned Panamanian?

      From what I have read “Hispanic” is not a race, but a United States Census classification.

      Therefore, an Hispanic can be any race and any color.

      But, back to Gregor Mendel’s Law of Genetics.

      Recessive genes can be any gene. Blue eyes/blonde hair/fair skin. But, recessive genes, genes which are not dominant to prevail against a massive infusion of one gene (Millions of Whites, with only a small percentage of Blacks in the population), can be Black as well. Just because Black is a dominant color, does not mean that it too cannot be washed away in a sea of a dominant group’s blood. (Small group of Black Americans (1.00% of the population) living in China is another example.)

      Even though many people ignorantly consider black as the only dominant gene.

      Not so.

      Say, you have a population of Whites numbering 10,000.

      In that population are three Black women; three Black men.

      BW/BM marry Whites; have children. The children are so-called biracial (correct term is hybrid).

      Those children marry Whites; they have children. Then those children (grandchildren) marry Whites; they have children. Those great-grandchildren marry Whites; they have children….and ad infinitum.
      The only recessive genes that would have occured would have been the black genes…..which have now been washed away in a sea of whiteness (European blood covering the African blood).

      So, your argument that just because there is a Black parent, automatically means Black child is incorrect and illogical.

      Unless you believe in the lie of the ODR.

      Which is the biggest most sickest lie ever told in this country.

      As for this comment:

      “It is natural that a man desires this child to resemble his self.”

      Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with wanting your children to resemble you.

      But, facts have to be faced: White male denigration of Black women has created a scale of devaluation of Black women in America. And that devaluation is not going anywhere anytime soon.

      Even with the marriage of WM/BW producing children, there is still the white blood that remains; it simply gets reshuffled around just like all genes whene people of different races marry. Just like black blood (genes) can be covered in a sea of other race’s blood/genes when Blacks are a tiny minority in a country.

      “I DONT KNOW IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO UNDERSTAND TRUTH.”

      Oh, I accept the truth; truth is all that a person can face up to in this world.

      No matter how painful the truth may be.

      • Pamela

        No, it’s basically in a nutshell saying that “any part black is all-black” according to society’s definitions. Never mind actual genotype. They’re saying that the phenotype will most likely be black-looking in some way, shape or form. Or that the old Southern “one drop Negro” rule still applies. That rule was established AFTER the abolition of the slave trade so that new generations of slaves had to be home-made, i.e. by the white masters raping the black slave women and producing half-breed kids who were classified as “all” black for the purposes of putting them out in the fields to work, although the lighter their skin the more likely they were to be “house slaves.” It always surprises me that American blacks to this day hold on to a definition of “blackness” that was imposed UPON them in slavery to make more slaves…….!

        Coincidentally enough, in Canada “any part Native is a Native” for government purposes…….even though up there they still go by skin shade and treat me like black and not Choctaw. I’m screwed no matter which side of the border of my own continent I am on.

  41. Interesting points made ann,the concept that equality,(doc of good intensions ) is the same as equity,is fake.As for history is it not true ,that since the 1960,that black males in order to prove how liberated they are, all have white women,
    Who is the man ,and who is the boy.
    who is the child, with the barbie toy.
    Where dos your black president loyalty lIE with, his white mother, or this father(did he not write a book, dreams of my father) ,wheres the other book.As for being shit canned before the world,what makes you think that we care,western civilisation has existed since the Greeks,we are inheritors of there world,MAN =MIND = MATHS,
    The nature of man is that he is a self contained being unto ME/.You state that white men do not judge you as human,this is 100% RIGHT.No human in a- sense cares for this fellows,you have made the error,in assuming that humanity must aways be in the+,the truth of the matter is that we are a mixure of each.In mark twains novel,Tom
    and Huck are on a raft,USA IS THE RAFT,its truth dos not belong to a fixed point, instead it is the movement between the two points that matter,this is the nature of the GREEK democratic state.change is the only constant PLATO.the republic.Second you make the emotional statement,white men rape black women ,his is true,since white men are men, and men rape women, and some women are black.LOGIC OF THE GREEKS, MUST BE THAT SOME, WHITE MEN RAPE BLACK WOMEN.NOT ALL.
    As for having balls,his has nothing to do with gender,if you want to walk up right, either on the plains of africa or the moon, you must believe in you self.
    The future belongs to them that have the will to change it for the better. Thanks for the chat.

    and
    Huck,are on a raft,the truth is not a fixed point ,but instead it is the movement between the two points

    • slice

      @JAMES

      What the hell are you talking about? Seriously, why is anybody letting this racist psycho post here? He’s basically saying that IT’S okay that rape happens, AND to black women! WTF?! Was he drunk when he wrote this BS,because it damn sure looks like it! “Logic of the Greeks”? He’s out of his f***ing mind and he’s STILL racist—–the hell with him and this stupid a** BS!

  42. Mike

    Clearly, there is mistrust and misunderstanding on both sides of the black woman/white man divide. As a white man, I can say that I’ve never felt like any black women were overly eager to engage with me socially. I’m an attractive guy, and get plenty of interest from white, latina and Asian women. Black women, however, tend to treat me with a level of mocking derision that makes me feel like a second-class citizen in their eyes.

    I’ve noticed that many black women seem to view me with a level of mistrust that borders on dislike. The two times in my life when I asked a black woman out I was greeted with a sneer and a rebuke along the lines of, “Yeah right, I don’t date white boys.” I’m 28 years old, asking this woman out, but to her I’m just a “white boy.” Why would a guy pursue women from any group that did not seem to value him as a man?

    I’m not a “black fetishist,” I’m just a man who is attracted to women. As far as black women being invisible to white men, I don’t think that’s true even most of the time. Many white men find black women quite attractive. I’ve seen several black women in social settings who were just AMAZING, but they also seemed as distant from me as the far side of the moon. I felt invisible to them, proof that this phenomenon works both ways.

    In the end, I suppose we all need to set aside our past interpersonal injuries if we ever want things to change for the better.

    • Ann

      @ Mike.

      I agree.

      There is much distrust and misunderstanding on both sides.

      “The two times in my life when I asked a black woman out I was greeted with a sneer and a rebuke along the lines of, “Yeah right, I don’t date white boys.” I’m 28 years old, asking this woman out, but to her I’m just a “white boy.” Why would a guy pursue women from any group that did not seem to value him as a man?”

      That is wrong of them to respond to you like that. They should at least be respectful about it. A simple, “No, but, thanks for asking,” would suffice, not cutting someone down in a way they would not want to be treated.

      As I asked in my post, if a White man was to respond in a like-manner to a Black woman with a condescending retort like that, he would be called every name but a Child of God.

      ” I felt invisible to them, proof that this phenomenon works both ways.”

      Proof, yes, that both groups have a lot to work their way through.

      Past histories, and present histories.

  43. This James Carlisle person is pretty much saying whatever he can to prove his racist point. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to marry within your own groups. The problem is, there’s no need to ignore facts. The children of IR couples are NOT black. WM and WW cannot and never will be able to produce black children. Are there plenty of mixed race offspring who look black? Sure. But, there are plenty of those offspring who look very white.

    Again, marry who you want, produce as many white children you want. But don’t spread lies calling it scientific truth.

    Ann, I tried to post links of mixed people who look white but they didn’t go through.

    • Ann

      @ LorMarie.

      “The children of IR couples are NOT black. WM and WW cannot and never will be able to produce black children.”

      Correct.

      All humans descend from Lucy, no getting around that.

      “Ann, I tried to post links of mixed people who look white but they didn’t go through.”

      Sometimes, trying to send more than one link through will cause your comment to be eaten by the Askimet/Spambot.
      Try sending one link through at a time. That may work.

      I too, have seen photos of mixed children where one parent is Black—and the children do definitely look “White”/white enough to pass for White.

  44. Sorry, I need to vent, LOL.

    Mike,

    It angers me how some black women act toward men of other races. Their actions have tainted the image of black women especially in America. You don’t know how many times I’ve heard white men (and other nonblack men) say that black women appear racially biased. That is why I’ve come to believe that most of the resistance to IR dating and marriage comes from black women. That is NOT to say that racist white men do not exist.

    Overall, I hope to see black women in general become more “globally minded.” Not just in dating, but in all areas of our lives. I am happy to say that slowly but surely, I’m beginning to see a change.

  45. HandsomeOlderBlackCowboy

    Just one thing;I’m black,but as a handsome,Wranglers-and-
    leather-jacket-clad-Country music and bopping fan who’s
    attempting a Country singing/songwriting career,I con-
    sider myself a black cowboy,dude or lad,not a brother.
    Also,I prefer buxom blonde farmer’s daughters(though
    equally rural,just-as-voluptuous black babes who share my
    love of Country music and dancing,rodeo,NASCAR,etc. are just as welcome.)
    Finally,instead of a “churchy’ accent or bass/baritone voice,mine is a braying tenor which a Dramatic Arts
    Professor at my alma mater,the University Of Windsor
    (Ont.,Can.)deemed unusual for a black man,let alone one built like a steer-wrestler such as myself(I’m 5’9”,
    214 lb. and sport a 48” Chest Normal,50” Chest Expan-
    ded,42” Waist and 18.5” Biceps among my vitals.)
    How’ bout it,black babes????

  46. WM

    My current experience now working in a company near LAX airport is we have many different races I deal with on a daily basis. I have met some nice black women but one in particular I never got along with since I started. She has a big chip on her shoulder and had attitude from the day I started. She can speak better but when another black person (black women mostly) is talking to her in person or on the phone….it drives me up the wall the stupid laughing, moaning, vocal expressions heard from the other side of the room. We had a black woman that was well educated and has moved on but she spoke much better and had good manners. One thing I noticed though is when she and some of the other black women in the offices got together, all language skills and speaking correctly went down the hill. As a white man whether I am working or not being around a group of black women talking or even some individual black women can be a big turnoff. Im sure some will consider me racist but I am just trying to give my observations here as a white person.

    • slice

      @WM

      That’s how some of us act black folks act around each other—nothing stupid about it–it’s how some of us express ourselves. I know damn well white folks don’t act and sound all proper around each other all the damn time either. If you can’t stand being around us when that happens, that’s YOUR problem. Also, NOBODY speaks correctly 24/7 days a week—-there’s a proper formal way to talk at work, and then there’s the informal way one talks to one’s friends,family and SO. It’s a cultural difference–get over it. Everybody dosen’t act like a damn carbon copy of white people, and shouldn’t have to in the first damn place. We happen to be more vocal when expressing ourselves—if you can’t deal with it, like I said before, that’s YOUR damn problem!

  47. ben

    You are killing MLK’s dream. His dream will be unfulfilled dream as long as my daughter grows up in a world where outside of my guidance reads things and hears people like all of you refering to everyone by what color they are. For your terms my daughter is mixed. What will I teach her about race is nothing. I was raised by parents that never talked about it. I have a dream that ALL of us humans view people as people. Not black not white. Who cares. By looking at these comments all of you really are judging on color. Black this white that. I am not trying to make anyone upset. I would like to somehow start a trend. Anyone who reads this try actually losing the racist attitudes of the comments here. Stop supporting a president or anyone because what color they are. Stop having a month just for your races history. To ALL people look at obama as a man not a black man. To answer the original question. The answer is a question can be anwered with a question. Wouldn’t your question be irelevant if you and others saw women as women not black womem, and men as men not white men. To the people who wrote these comments start today. Read your comment and ask yourself, if I view people as black or white instead of just people how will my children view people. Remember the “dream” was that people be judged by the content of there character not the color of there skin. My human brothers and sisters I love you all. Last but not least how many wonder what color I am. Hope at least I provoked serious thought about a bad problem!

  48. ben

    When I look at these comments I see the problem. If ALL of you that are thinking in terms of they are this and we are that would think of all of us as we then racism would eventually die. It is so sad that that a lot of the people here don’t even realize that thinking like your comments black people are this or white men do this or I’m happy a black man is president is racist. The thoughts here are put in us by our elders who view color first and people second. What torch will you pass to your children when you stereotype groups based on something you can’t control. Stop thinking of what color someone is and think that humans are different. If you like sports then be around PEOPLE who like sports. IF you like Shopping then hang with PEOPLE who like shopping. Would you rather have a president the same color as you. Why? Because of color. That is my definition of racism, making decisions based on race.

  49. MENlover

    Hey everybody! Whoo! Have I had a TIME reading all of your commets on this situation! I’ve read some pretty good points that have made me think on what to say. And heres what I think.

    Okay, just to start I am a black women. I do love white men. Latino men. Asian men. Black men. Just MEN! I mean omfg man! Does it really even matter? See, I am naturally color blind. I was born in Tacoma, Washington,and I grew up around white people. And apparently they were color blind as well b/c I’ve never felt any “racia

  50. MENlover

    (cont’d) l” preasures. I mean when i was in kindergarden i hada white boyfriend and had more white friends than black. My family closist (total spelling error! :/ typing on my psp here) friends were white and other races as well, so we were just totally integrated. Only when i moved to the south did I really feel such a weight of “colors”. Now the whole acting “white” thing really made me just disgusted. Just because i pronounce my r’s and my e’s and whatever other continates (spelling! :/) and verbs so ca

  51. MENlover

    (cont’d) lled “black” acting {as cosisdered} miss that I’m acting white and I’m a sellout. That is f(bleep) bs. And whoever that dude was that said that loud talking and just being country with their speech, is a turn off, I very much imagine it is. That just poses yourself for looking very dumb and uneducated. And another thing that just irritates me so is they also call you “white” by the type of music you listen to. That is so dumb that it makes me laugh at times. I listen to all sorts of music. Rap,

  52. MENlover

    (cont’d) rock, jazz, classical, whatever I feel like listening to. Why do we have soooo many classifications? (spellcheck) Sure okay i do prefer males of the white persuation, (omg another spellcheck) but I mean its all on how you were raised and how you take that and other influences from the other world and apply it to your everyday life. White men, men in general dont be scared to approach us black women. How are you gonna ever know how chocolate taste if you dont take a big bite out of the hershy bar

  53. MENlover

    yourself? As same with black women who want white men. How are you gonna know how vanilla taste if you stay safe with chocolate only b/c your scared of what ppl are gonna think? This is with any race and any other color in the rainbow. Dnt let ppl control your love. Take new chances. Go new places that you never thought you’d go. Love has no color.

  54. KIRK JACKELS

    Fascinating Blog. It is always interesting to hear the perspective of others. I am currently in love with a woman who is black and I feel blessed to be involved with her. It is my hope and intention to be married to this woman. Why am I attracted to her? She is the mother to five children (none are mine), she is a terrific loving mother. I am constantly amazed at how she manages to meet each of children’s needs. She is a strong, intelligent and capable woman. It has been my experience that black women HAVE to be stronger than their white counterparts and I admire that strength. It may be that some men are intimidated by that strength. I happen to be enthralled with it. As an added bonus, she is very lovely and I would consider myself blessed and honored to call her my wife. And hope to do so.

    Kirk

  55. KIRK JACKELS

    To “listen” to you all it seems so complicated when, really, it does not need to be any more complicated then we wish it to be for ourselves. A man loves a woman, a woman loves a man. What could be more natural? I, of course, have only my own perspective. I have a daughter and could not care less if she resembles me. The notion that it matters whether she resembles me is patently ridiculous. I do not love her because of a resemblance. Again, perspective. She is a child, she is my daughter I love her. Some may say she is a physical manifestation of the love that existed between her mother and I.

  56. l in austin

    I am an BW who has deep feeling s for a long time friend who is a WM. We share are stories of family, ambition and desire. I care for him very deeply and I find it very difficult to go beyond just friends. That is because my history is one mistrust, anger, and the idea that he cannot see me as my black brothers see me sexually. I beleive I have bond with him however that is deeper than I ever had with any man in my life. I want more from our relationship. I just need to know how to get there.

  57. MENlover

    Hey kirk, I just wanna know what attracted you to black women and how did you approach one you were intrested in?

    If you dnt mind… =)

  58. your friendship with your WM sounds very sincere and genuine.pls be sure that your WM wants the same future u invision, hurt and or dissappointment in how he views u may forever change what you have now and it will take a very
    mature and realistic person to handle and keep
    the friendship if one of u is not seeing the other in
    the same intended fashion.

  59. single white male

    Im a 17 year old white male.As long as i have an emotional connection with the girl,regardless of race, shes capable of becoming a girlfriend or possilble wife.color doesnt mean shit to most guys.unless their just ignorant fools.

  60. MENlover

    off? NO! At least I hope not…… Lol the point is that, you can still have your prefrences (spellcheck) but dnt let it get in the way. The love of your life could be of another race but you settle with your “prefrence”. Let love b love. =)

  61. MENlover

    Wow single white male. That was like sooo awsome what you said dude! That rocked. Anyway the person who told me to watch out, I totally understand. People dnt look at it the same way as some ppl. The thing that really attracks (spellcheck. On my psp…. again =} ) me to other races (particulary white) men is that I like to try different things ya know? One day I like the tall, sexy, long haired type, then another looking into the deep blue eyes of a blond haired white guy named…….. idk……. Bob? Lol

  62. MENlover

    jk! Maybe a Stephen or a Kyle or whatever, but the point is it just doesnt make a differece all around. And yes, I know ppl have their prefrences, but that still doesnt mean be closed mind and pig headed to where your heart will take you. Yea, you may prefer chocolate, but what if your tummy wants to try vanilla? Will you tell your tummy to shut the hell up? Same thing if you turn it around. If you always go for vanilla, but your taste buds yearn for a chocolate fix. Would you try to cut your taste buds

  63. Rich P.

    I believe God tried to spice things up here on the Planet Earth, with people NOT all looking the same, but what happened here on Earth is terrible. God values us all the same, and expects the same from us. I am NOT perfect, but sure am gald, that I can appreciate all of the Beauty of the Women found around this entire world.

  64. MENlover

    Lol rich p. That was awsome what you said, and I agree! God all made us different and I think we should all cherish that.

  65. ben

    The only difference is color. If O J simpson was raised by obamas family wouldn’t he be similar to obama. We are all products of our enviroment. All this us them is learned behavior. Look at babys. Do they care what color people are. No. We teach it to them. We meaning not just white people or black people or any race. All of US teach it to our babys. Thoughts like in this forum teach our CHILDREN that we are different based solely on race. Does the color of our skin make us different? Ask yourself when I was 1 year old would I have thought a white person was different as a person. Why then now do I see stereotypes. Is it because my own family TAUGHT me that people are different from me. My childs mother is black and tells me Her people teach their children that other black people are her people. She doesn’t see this as racism. She says white people aren’t as nice to her as other black people are. I wonder if the problem is that she has been RAISED to think that she should think that white people don’t like her so she. What if she thought of all people as her people. What if the black man at the basketball court that hugs only the black guys and says whasup my brother realized I want him to think of me as his brother too. I am a human and he is too. I like sports he likes sports. I am not saying black people are more racist. I try my best to judge any person I meet on an individual basis. I grew up in small town indiana and thought only white people were racist. I now realize there is racism in all of us. If you ever thought they didn’t hire me because I am black you just made an assumption about the person who interviewed you because they were white. It may be true but how do you know for sure. If you think you didn’t get picked up in the basketball game because you were white how do you know. Maybe the other guy was an x college player. I wish we all were color blind. You don’t even see dogs feeling allegiance to there breed but every breed of humans do it. I feel closer to MY people. Blah blah blah. If you think like this ask your self what do I mean by my people and when I was a one year old would my definition of MY people have been the same. My point is that in this day and age all races our responsible for racism. Will it ever stop if we continue to see humans as different based on color? Every time you don’t take responsibility for thinking any judgement based on color then you keep racism alive. If you pass to your children that other races our different then you passed the racist torch.

  66. Spirit Dove

    American Men (any race) value “chemistry”, which is code for “outer beauty”. That is an all important “first” on their list of priorities. Yes, they search all available females (any race) for what they regard as the height of feminine beauty. In this country, women, (any race) who are overweight and/or unattractive don’t qualify even if the man is unattractive and obese himself. Men value anything of beauty (any race) and will pursue beautiful women first. Brains, sadly, come in second but if they can have both, all the better… and on and on down their laundry list of requirements. The honest truth is that most Americans (any race) do not possess classical beauty and thus both men and women (any race) end up ignoring those around them that would be a damn good match. White men and women age badly. If they are beautiful/slim, it doesn’t last long. I think if we had a slimmer population, there would be plenty of attractive Americans from which to choose a mate. In the meantime, don’t disregard those around you… consider them seriously before judging them as beneath you as the odds of you being “ideal” are slim as well.
    I have spoken to many white men, most being professional. For the record I’m a Latina who is slim and “attractive” (only because I have been told I am by men, as I and my girlfriends don’t think I’m beautiful, or at least anything special, on the outside, at least). Some have told me that they were attracted initially at least once in their lifetime to a black woman, but as they became intimate, there was something incompatible regarding her outwardly beautiful skin. I’m just the messenger.

  67. MENlover

    e unless you know it yourself. We should just forgive and let go like God did and does for us everyday.

  68. MENlover

    Cool Sprit Dove. I totally understand, BUT you just cnt classify it all like that. There are very much attractive women (any race) that men (any race) tend to over look b/c of their race and/or how they were raised. That brings me to Bens point. I understand that one too. But just from me personaly, the only real time I REALLY got hit by the color card, was when I had to move to the south with my Mother and brother. Now, I was TRULY color blind in the North in which I was born and raised till I was 9. Now

  69. MENlover

    that time was awsome. Now, not saying that I wasnt taught of my heritage. Oh yea, I knew all about the slaves and what white ppl did etc and the whole 9. But its all the point of moving on 4rm that. No, dnt forget it. Just dnt still hold it to the white people of today. Unless a white person litterally walked up to you and tried to put you in shackels and chains and work you to death just like our ancesters, then dnt attomaticly go to the past and look at them Mr. Slave holder or Ms. I dnt like black peopl

  70. Richard

    I dated a a pretty black woman. We were both in our early 30′s. I think most would onsoder us each attractive and many saw us attractive s a couple. WE enjoyed each other in every way. But in the end the hassles just werent worth the relatonship.far too often when we ent out some big angry blck man wanted to fight…….
    Why I WILL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE MOST WERE WITH WHITE WOMEN!
    I never got hurt , but that wasnt the point. It was always there………….the bs. I think about her every so often . I miss her and I wonder how she’s doing? Is she happy?

    • marnie2010

      Richard I think you are making excuses. And here is a big issue with Black women. The fear that a White man will not stand up for her and their love. If you truely loved and saw this woman in your future, the opinions of others would not matter.

  71. Dam BA

    I am White, and a college graduate from a prestigous private university; and additionally, I have some standing as a sports celebrety from a few decades ago. I married a Black woman about 20 years ago.

    She grew up in New Orleans during the 50s and 60s, but her parents moved their family to South Central Los Angeles just before her high school years.

    As far as I can ascertain, little in my background interfered with our relationship. Oh, to be sure, right after I met her, my mother was a potential obstacle in that my mother had relatively little contact in her life with Black people, but my wife handled her masterfully, winning her over almost immediately.

    She is not longer my wife, but that is another story, and that story is relavant, but so unusual that it would take me practically a whole book to explain.

    My Black second-wife was not a college graduate like my White first-wife was, but in her work she was considered a consummate professional for many years. In her profession she conducted herself in a way that connected with people of all backgrounds in a positive way. Often, when her company was downsizing, she was called upon to break the news to a long-term employee, because everyone knew that she could somehow tender a human touch to that always stressful situation..

    Nowdays, I still notice that when she comes over to discuss something that has to do with our son, who lives with me, most of the time she still has that special touch.

    After we married, we talked for hours about what she and her family went through living in the South, during the time of segregation and the civil rights movement. To be sure, her ‘touch’ in communication comes from a mix of those experiences and her own experiences, but also, I think, it might come from the fact that her father was White, and her mother was Black.

    Everyone in her family knew their father was White, and he looked like he was White, but he could not say that he was White because he would then be arrested. So, he had papers saying that he was ‘Negro Albino’, and almost everyday, everyone in her family had to contend with this fact in some way, if not from White authorities, then from Black neighbors, or even strangers.

    One day, my ex-wife and I were relaxing at our beach front home in the South Bay of Southern California, chatting about family matters and past events. Something came up related to my athletic past…in particular, my having traveled to Shreveport, Louisiana when I was a coach. I remembered how much I liked Shreveport when I visited there. And I said, ‘have you ever been to Shreveport?’. She seemed to want to change the subject, and I wondered why. So, I queried her again, ‘you lived in New Orleans…that’s not far from Shreveport, huh. Did you guys ever visit there?’ And she said, in an unusually stronger tone than her normally ‘healing way’ of communicating, “we could not just pack-up and decide to go to Shreveport. First, getting out of New Orleans without being detained was an issue, and then, even if we had gotten out of New Orleans, we could have been arrested at any time along the way.” I was stunned, to be sure. And, later, thinking about this exchange of opinions, I realized that, ‘THIS WAS THE GREAT DEVIDE’.

    Was this devide too great for all of the love and respect we had for each other to overcome? Sadly, I don’t have the answer to that question. I can only say that I sincerely believe that it is possible for Black and White to overcome. I don’t know the best way, but working to overcome in a non-prejudicual way promises a better life for all of us.

  72. Mack

    Boy o’boy…where do I begin?! This article is pure fantasy. Theres not a shred of reality to it. None of the real reasons were given for why white men are not marrying black women in larger numbers. Please allow me to elaborate:

    If I’m going to give up the safety and security of having my family’s support, financial or otherwise, it damn sure better be worth the sacrifice. Many black women have an over-inflated value of themselves! They claim they are ‘divas’ and whatnot; they claim to be ‘strong’. But from my experience with black women, a diva is an overweight black women who refuses to excersize the self-discipline to lose weight.
    A ‘strong’ black woman is someone who shacked up with a man, realized after the baby ( or babies)came that she didn’t want to be with the kid’s father anymore, and has therefore erected a false wall of defense around her self, supposedly to keep deadbeat black men out of her life. She will blame everyone else for the bad choices she has made with her life: the White man, black men, the Republicans…everything and everyone but herself. In her self-delusion, she calls herself strong by saying such things as: ‘ I don’t need a man to complete me…I don’t need a man to raise our children…I can do bad all by myself…’ You get the point.
    Black women come off as loud, rude, belligerent, disrespectful, show-boatish, and confuse such childish behavior with actual strength.
    In my opinion, the problem goes beyond just white men marrying black women. Its really men marrying any type of women! I mean, come on: marriage these days is set up strictly to benefit the woman anyway. Theres nothing in it for the man at all! ALL the benefits of matrimony go to the bride. Ever hear of a show called Bridezilla? What man in his right mind would sign up for that sh!t?!
    That show aptly illustrates the prevailing attitude of women today who have this over-inflated sense of self worth. And many black women are bridezilla-ish all during the courtship process. Then when some unfortunate guy makes the mistake of marrying one of these selfish brats, and decides to jump ship when he finally comes to his senses, he gets hit with child support and alimony, probably loses the house that he worked so hard for, along with most of the furniture, gets stuck with the car payments, and gets child visitation doled out to him in tiny increments at the courts’ discretion.
    Besides this, white men tend to marry someone who’s on their level economically. This idea about marrying somebody only for love: forget about it! That stuff is only good for Disney movies. And most black women just aren’t on a solid financial footing. Sorry to say.
    So allow me to recap: Why aren’t white men going out of their way to marry: overweight, angry, loud-talking, combative, underpaid black women AND their kids? why aren’t white men rushing to take someone like this to the altar? Well, why in the hell should they?!

    • Ann

      “If I’m going to give up the safety and security of having my family’s support, financial or otherwise, it damn sure better be worth the sacrifice.”

      So too are many Black women hesitant about giving up their family’s support for a man who may not go the distance with them because of his fear of disapproval from White family or White people. It had better be worth it for them as well.

      As for marrying for love, only a fool would do such a thing. There are Black women who are pragmatic and realistic, and do not have sex outside of marriage, nor children outside of marriage. These Black women know they are not everyone’s cup of tea (since they do not put out), but, many of them do hold on to their principles and convictions. Marriage is not for the foolhardy, but for the people most prepared for the good and the bad, the ups and downs that marriage brings.

      Oh, and there are White men who are “Bridezillas” in their behaviour towards Black women.

      “Its really men marrying any type of women! I mean, come on: marriage these days is set up strictly to benefit the woman anyway. Theres nothing in it for the man at all! ALL the benefits of matrimony go to the bride.”

      Not true.

      If any group of people benefit from marriage it is men, and always has been men.

      Often makes me wonder why any woman would marry a man, do housework, cooking, and working to make ends meet, when men would be the biggest beneficiary of marriage?

      “So allow me to recap: Why aren’t white men going out of their way to marry: overweight, angry, loud-talking, combative, underpaid black women AND their kids? why aren’t white men rushing to take someone like this to the altar? Well, why in the hell should they?!

      So, why are there also not many Back women rushing to marry men who treat them as if they are something on someone’s shoe? As if they are less than human.

      Why the hell should Black women plead with a race of men who have behaved as cowards and haters towards Black women for centuries, even well into the 21ST Century?

    • Cindy Gones

      I hate to say this, but I find white women are the ones who seemly to berate black.men and are extremely bossy. They constantly what to take control and run everything. If you observe the mix couple, it appears that the black man wants out. After our black men chase after the white women , believe me they are running back to the black women. When the black man learns that the grass is not greener on the other side, it is too late.

  73. Sarah

    Hi,

    Just want to give my opinion. I am a BW in the UK and my experience is that many middle class white men are reluctant to give up their “status” in order to marry a BW.

    Many times the family is opposed to BW/WM unions (rightly or wrongly). Pursuing such a relationship could have serious social implications for a WM, hence they don’t pursue it. It takes a very strong man to overcome the social pressures and walk down the aisle with a BW.

    On a side note BW and BM should not be bashing one another. This is just pure rudeness. If you aren’t into BW or BM, leave it alone and carry on doing your thing with race of person you do like.

  74. Tom

    Good God, do you have an axe to grind or what? or are you just trying to be caustic to keep the replies coming in, which maybe works. It caught my eye. Anyway, I’m a white, professional family guy, 6 kids, from Massachusetts. 56 years old. My best buddy since 2nd grade is a black guy. We were always in touch until he died a couple of years ago. I was always really close with his family, 12 kids, so there was real immersion there. and the cousins, extended fainly etc. Maybe it was that or the 60s influence or the northeast but I’ve always just considered people as the same. And this isn’t pandering, liberal stuff, I’m a republican, conservative, type in most ways. I knew they were all black and we had differences but so what. I agree with an earlier responder that differences are what make the world a cool place. We should all be proud of our hertitages and colors and foods and what not and still enjoy each other. I’m Italian, I love it. You’re African. She’s Chinese. great! Why is my wife white and not black? Just worked out that way. If I met a black or oriental babe it could have been different. And shoot me, I’m a guy and like my girls to be good looking but race doesn’t enter into it. My fondest desire is not trapped with Jessica Biel, Rihanna and Lucy Liu and see if I can actually die from exhaustion. As for the slavery stuff, sure it happened. It happens today all over the world and all races do it to each other. It is economic and does the upper hand group crap on the lower groups? Sure, lots of people would take advantage given the opportunity. If I owned Halle Barry would I be rapist? Probably. If My old buddy owned Jessica Alba would he be? Probably. When my Grandparents came from Italy WOPs and guineas were the but of all jokes. Before them it was “no Irish need apply” for decades. You have to let that old crap go. It happened to others a long time ago. Were you ever a slave? Hell no, your people have actually been here a lot longer than mine and we weren’t even here when there was any slavery so don’t blame me. Anyway, nice people are nice people, jerks are jerks and babes are babes, which most guys will marry. You have yourself a nice day and lighten up a little. And if you run into Destinies Child, any or all of them, you send them my way and I’ll have a ball, no color, no bullshit.

    • Ann

      @Tom:

      “or are you just trying to be caustic to keep the replies coming in.”

      I do not have to write “caustic comments”—-people who come to my blog who submit the caustic comments, I merely respond to them. No one wishes to be chastised, then do not come on my blog and ranting against the truth of America’s sordid racial history.

      “If I owned Halley Barry would I be rapist?”

      Yes.

      Any man who enslaves a woman is a rapist. Enslaving another human being is the lowest form of human depravity that ever existed—–and still is. Any woman who is held in bondage against her will (no matter her race), and has no say so in what, when, where, and how she will have sex is in essence a woman who has been raped.

      If there is no mutual consent on both sides, then rape is what it will be.

      “When my Grandparents came from Italy WOPs and guineas were the but of all jokes. Before them it was “no Irish need apply” for decades.”

      Yes. The proverbial *without papers.*

      And, your point is what?

      And Italians, Irish, etc., eventually became “White” after so many blood-thirsty race massacres against their fellow Black citizens.

      “You have to let that old crap go”

      I am very capable of letting much go, but, one thing I will not cease to do is speak the truth of America’s hypocrisy.

      “And if you run into Destinies Child, any or all of them, you send them my way and I’ll have a ball, no color, no bullshit.”

      Oh, really?

      And just a few sentences earlier in your comments, you stated you were married:

      “Why is my wife white and not black? Just worked out that way.”

      Well, I won’t be sending anyone your way.

      ‘Kay.

      I do not believe in adultery.

      Now, I have “lightened up” considerably, after responding to your comments

      • Sarah

        I have been enjoying reading this blog overall. I don’t agree or disagree with anyone as everything has it’s grain of truth. I am though a little appalled at the lack of understanding of e/immigration and the effects of e/immigration (whether forced, coerced, or by choice and all the gray areas in between). Worse, dismissed with modern day terminology of on vacation or “with out papers.”

        Why is a white man chased by non-whites in Latin America? Same reason a black man/woman or white woman in Latin America is. Because s/he has a US passport and people want to come here the easy way. Plus you are an “exotic” or someone not from there an hence interesting. How do I know this? I lived in Latin America for a very long time and being American was as much a hindrance as it was a help.

        The “immigrants” referenced here weren’t “with out papers.” The analogy is that every group that comes here has their issues. Not sure how the Italian immigration after the war has a direct relationship to the racial protests in the US. Plus immigration by this group was primarily to the North East, not front and center during the civil rights movement. Not sure how the Irish either were faulted for the racial issues in the US as when they came (or forced to come depending on historical detail/timing) just before the Civil War, they were considered to be the bottom of the earth – even lower on the totem pole of life due to their uselessness, and many who came later were effectively conscripted when they got here (economic slavery). Why? Centuries of fiefdom under British occupation, an effective massacre of 1/3 of the population in the late 1840′s and early 50′s, no schooling, extremely high illiteracy rate, no skillsets at all other than basic farming (fiefdom), 50,000 of them, primarily women, sold into slavery (by primarily British decendents) in the Caribbean primarily, and 20% didn’t even speak English. Interesting as one of the historically most socially liberal groups in the US are Catholics. Get thee to both the historical museums of Atlanta and New Orleans and learn a little more about US history, and get thee abroad to live to understand the impact of being American abroad and what that means in it’s deepest terms. So with all that said, I was good on this blog until the lack of understanding of history and cross-cultural (out side of the US) understanding. I would stick to the topic of interacial relations in the US culture and avoid dismissing the realities of other national or ethnic groups with out deeper knowledge.

      • Ann

        “Get thee to both the historical museums of Atlanta and New Orleans and learn a little more about US history…”

        I would also suggest the same for you…..to help you obtain a better understanding of how the Irish became “white” along with other ethnic whites; get thee to a list of academic documentation of how Irish, Italians, etc. eventually became white. Because of the lynchings of Italians in New Orleans does not negate the bloody history they have against their fellow Black Americans.

        “….and get thee abroad to live to understand the impact of being American abroad and what that means in it’s deepest terms.”

        Been there done that, and I am very familiar with how Americans are perceived around the world, having visited Mexico, Norway, Bahamas, and Canada.

        “The “immigrants” referenced here weren’t “with out papers.”
        “Not sure how the Italian immigration after the war has a direct relationship to the racial protests in the US. Plus immigration by this group was primarily to the North East, not front and center during the civil rights movement. Not sure how the Irish either were faulted for the racial issues in the US as when they came (or forced to come depending on historical detail/timing) just before the Civil War, they were considered to be the bottom of the earth – even lower on the totem pole of life due to their uselessness, and many who came later were effectively conscripted when they got here (economic slavery).”

        Concerning Italians (“without papers”), Irish and other immigrants/ethnic Whites, see my post :

        http://kathmanduk2.wordpress.com/2008/02/09/the-wages-of-whiteness/

        As for the original mentioning of Italians, Irish……you would have to take that up with the commentor Tom…he is the one who brought up WOP/without papers, and I responded to his comment:

        “When my Grandparents came from Italy WOPs and guineas were the but of all jokes. Before them it was “no Irish need apply” for decades.” TOM

        Yes. The proverbial *without papers.*’” ANN

        And, your point is what?”
        And Italians, Irish, etc., eventually became “White” after so many blood-thirsty race massacres against their fellow Black citizens.” ANN

        “I would stick to the topic of interacial relations in the US culture and avoid dismissing the realities of other national or ethnic groups with out deeper knowledge.”

        I will continue to speak on any topic I wish on my blog.

        Telling the truth of other national/ethnic groups is no trouble for me————–whether it is the bad, or the good, of that particular ethnicity or group:

        -Irish
        -Italian

        …..or even Black Americans.

  75. Dominic Patterson

    As a white guy from London, where white man/ black woman couples are reasonably common and black man/ white woman couples very common (incidentally, in Paris it’s the other way round), I think this is all slightly strange and pointless. I don’t see why women of any colour should be bothered about some other type of guy not being into them: just be interested in the ones who’re interested in you. If your tastes are so particular that you’re only interested in men of another race and so insecure that you’re desperate for them to notice you, just keep trying: there’ll always be some you dig who fancy you like crazy. For me personally, I’m only slightly attracted to very few black women – it’s not because I think they’re worth any less as human beings, whatever that means, simply because they’re not my type. That’s my taste, but I know a couple white guys who worship black girls: and none of it matters. It’s all just taste, like preferring redheads to brunettes. While people shouldn’t be rude to one another, nobody should place any weight on whether or not they’re somebody else’s type, either.

  76. White Man

    After reading the viciousness and hatred and meanness of Ann’s #1, why make the effort. I find it funny though when I travel to Brasil, the dominican republic and especially in colombia, I am swarmed on by black and mulatto women. while many of these beautiful women have suffered in most cases racism also, they sure do not seem to have the anger and hatred like ann #1 has. I adore and like women of color as long as they are not african-american, sorry but people like ann #1- seal the deal for me. My family came from polynesia, germany, australia and portugal, never owned slaves, and who the fuck know my portugese ancestors for a while lived on the azores, which is off the west african coast, but yes I am sure Ann #1- would see my blue eyes and consider me the devil, again why make the effort.?? if your already hated because of things you did not participate in, and yes ann #1, i do carry a gun when traveling through south central los angeles, you never know when you will be in the wrong place at the wrong time, remember reginald denny the truck driver? I guess he deserved to be hauled out of his truck, have a brick thrown at his head from point blank range, have alcohol poured on him and shot with a shotgun, maybe that is what you want for me too? Thats why I pack

    • Ann

      @White Man:

      “After reading the viciousness and hatred and meanness of Ann’s #1, why make the effort.”

      I would categorize my comments as a tad harsh, very visceral, and mucho honest. If I were a White person, I would rather hear the truth, rather than prettied-up lies which destroy both sides.

      Hmm, there has been a bonanza of trolls. Well, might as well have myself some fun.

      “I find it funny though when I travel to Brasil, the dominican republic and especially in colombia, I am swarmed on by black and mulatto women.”

      Okay…are those women hard up, or on drugs? Just asking. When you speak to them, do you put on a facade of an enlightened human being (while desperately trying to hide your racism/sexism)? Or do you present yourself in all honesty? Possibly if you did, you would probably frighten off many of those non-white women. Then again, there is no accounting for some people’s tastes (their tastes in you, that is.)

      “while many of these beautiful women have suffered in most cases racism also, they sure do not seem to have the anger and hatred like ann #1 has.”

      Don’t kid yourself, ‘kay.

      Just because a person does not let on how they really feel about White Americans does not mean that the legacy of the Ugly American has not died out in this hemisphere.

      ” I adore and like women of color as long as they are not african-american, sorry but people like ann #1- seal the deal for me.

      Have you ever actually sat down and conversed with a Black American woman, or have you rushed to a stereotypical outlook on them?

      “My family came from polynesia, germany, australia and portugal, never owned slaves, and who the fuck know my portugese ancestors for a while lived on the azores, which is off the west african coast.”

      Wow, and a geography course to boot.

      So…your family is a poly-blend of races—–just like Black Americans are a poly-blend of races, and your point is what?

      Big deal.

      “, but yes I am sure Ann #1- would see my blue eyes and consider me the devil, again why make the effort.??”

      No, I would see a blue-eyed human being before me who happens to carry the Y-chromosome, some African blood (you did say Portugal, did you not?), pale skin.

      Nothing more, nothing less.

      ” if your already hated because of things you did not participate in,”

      My, my, my. Who said anything about participating in anything? If you disregard your fellow Black human beings on this planet as invisible, as less than human, then you are guilty of that. As for slavery, etc., Whites of today did not have to live during nor own slaves in order to benefit today from the long legacy of slavery, destruction of Reconstruction, and Jane Crow segregation. Your white-skin privilege is something that YOU will have to one day cast off. No one can do it for you but yourself.

      “and yes ann #1, i do carry a gun when traveling through south central los angeles, you never know when you will be in the wrong place at the wrong time, remember reginald denny the truck driver?”

      Hmm, how quaint.

      A gun.

      I guess as a man all you need is *a* gun.

      WOMEN need a hell of a lot more than that to protect themselves from some of the men of the world who seek out and attack women. And WOC have more to fear from bodily harm than so many White people.

      “I guess he deserved to be hauled out of his truck, have a brick thrown at his head from point blank range, have alcohol poured on him and shot with a shotgun…”

      Now who is being vicious, and mean? Your hate is really showing. Why would you wish such cruelty on that poor man who never harmed anyone that day? Maybe it is White people like you whom everyone should run from and seek protection against.

      “That’s why I pack”

      Pack what?

      A denial of the truth? A disavowal of America’s history?

      “maybe that is what you want for me too?”

      Naw, I don’t want anything for you.

      Well, there is one eensy, teeny, thing I do want from you………….

      …….about this meandering of the “ann #1′s”

      Let me count:

      -1

      -2

      -3

      -4

      That’s right-to. I count 4 Ann/ann #1s.

      Hey, what’s up with you? Can you read or not?

      There is only one Ann on this sight.

      Now, pay careful attention:

      -I am holding up one finger. Follow it closely, don’t lose track of it, keep it in your eyesight.

      Good.

      1

      1 Ann, not many.

      Have a nice day.

      • Whitey

        I find it funny that you find it hard to believe when white men go to the Caribean and to other countries, women of color swarm all over them. It’s the same reason successful black men in America marry white women. It’s called social climbing. I’m not saying that there arent very successful, socially acceptable black marriage candidates, but the pool of candidates is fewer. because they lacked the economic advantage many European Americans had.
        However yourbringing up of slavery is very strange. Why do blacks blame slavery on white people? Slavery existed thousands of years before the Transatlantic slave trade began. Hell, the trans Saharan slave trade lasted for 1400 years, and the Muslims brought slaves, 2 out of 3 of whom were women, back as sexual slaves. You should read The Legacy of Arab Islam in Africa, by John Alimbillah Azumah.

      • Ann

        “I find it funny that you find it hard to believe when white men go to the Caribean and to other countries, women of color swarm all over them.”

        I do not find it hard to believe that Caribbean women can go for White men. Just as I do not find it hard to believe that white European men can go gaga over Black American women.

        My comment was directed to White Man.

        Just as a Black man can be perceived of as social climbing, so too, can a white European man be perceived of as social climbing when he takes a Black woman into his life.

        “However yourbringing up of slavery is very strange. Why do blacks blame slavery on white people? Slavery existed thousands of years before the Transatlantic slave trade began. Hell, the trans Saharan slave trade lasted for 1400 years, and the Muslims brought slaves, 2 out of 3 of whom were women, back as sexual slaves. You should read The Legacy of Arab Islam in Africa, by John Alimbillah Azumah.”

        Preaching to the choir.

        Because of the legacy of American race-based slavery, the denigration of Black women is still pervasive in this country. As for Arab slavery, I am very well aware of the history of Arab, African, Native American, Greek, and Roman slavery.

        Especially in the case of Arab slavery. Black African men were castrated and put into service of Arab slave masters, as eunuchs. Black African women were raped and impregnated as so-called kept concubines. Which is why so many Arabs are dark-skinned. If a DNA test was done on many Arabs in the present-day, those racist Arabs who castigate blacks, would faint dead away at having to acknowledge the black blood that flows in them.

        Therefore, what you are telling me is nothing new.

        American slavery is what America will have to come to terms with. When this country starts doing that, as well as acknowledge the vicious subjugation of Black American women, then this country will finally start to really become a country that is truly for all.

      • TDS 5

        >>American slavery is what America will have to come to terms with. When this country starts doing that, as well as acknowledge the vicious subjugation of Black American women, then this country will finally start to really become a country that is truly for all.

        America has dealt with it, and it is for all. Its just seemly minorities who continue to resuciatate the victimhood stereotype for matters of pride, malice and litagation. I for one am tired of it. I know many white Americans are as well. Its attitudes exoressed in this comment that the Obama election was a scam. Whites thought they were getting a pass, blacks ho-de-doed it on, but never really gave it to them. This is bargaining. Most conservative whites understand its a never ending con job, and call it out, and won’t play it up.

      • Ann

        “America has dealt with it….”

        Lie.

        America has not dealt with racist atrocities against her Black citizens. Give me the proof that America has dealt with her history of racial pogroms and racial profiling campaigns against her Black citizens. Racial campaigns that still continue in 21ST Century America.

        “…and it is for all.”

        Prove it.

        “I for one am tired of it.”

        And I for one am tired of racist white-privilege people who will never ever acknowledge the humanity of Black Americans.

        “Whites thought they were getting a pass, blacks ho-de-doed it on, but never really gave it to them. ”

        Just where did Blacks give Whites a pass? Whites still hold the race card in America (and always have), so just where have Blacks been in a position to lord it over Whites?

        “This is bargaining.”

        Where has there been any bargaining?

        “Most conservative whites understand its a never ending con job, and call it out, and won’t play it up.”

        White privilege is the never-ending con job.

        Now….get rid of white privilege, and the biggest con job this country has ever known will be something that will never be missed.

      • Aubrey

        The question seems relatively simple, yet the answers here seem somewhat complex. All this talk about how white men ignore the black female ect. Perhaps the “average” Caucasian male does not find the Africian American woman marriage material for many reasons. To become intimate with any woman requires a relationship. A desire to get to know eachother at a deeper level also involves trust. It is very possible that just the idea of becomming intimate with a woman of color is not appealing. Caucasian males rarely ever talk about having the desire to marry anyone outside their race. The idea of even dating a black female by a white man is considered taboo by the majority of Caucasian American individuals. Respectfully submitted.

      • La Reyna

        People like Aubrey are the main reason why racism still exist in America. He thinks he knows the tastes of white American men by saying asinine comments about Black women, that they’re not worthy of a long-term relationship, that we’re not to be trusted, valued members of humanity.

        These attitudes are the reasons why Black women don’t seek out nonblack men in greater numbers. Just look at the haterade at Abagond regarding this sensitive topic. Plenty of haterade and defensiveness by nonblack males there.

        It’s sad that we’re in the 21st century that Black women aren’t worthy of common courtesy whatsoever.

        La Reyna

  77. moonie

    I am an 18 year old black female living in london and I must admit most White guys I see only go for white girls or Asian girls because black girls are apparently too agressive or not ladylike enough. It’s almost like we are invisible personally I don’t think it matterS what race you are and I would never lose sleep over any man not being attracted to me and it might sound cliché but I think it should truly onlymatter about wat kind of person you are and although your race contributes to this it is not the only deciding factor. Get to know each other without prejudices you will pleasantly surprised at what you find

  78. Wynter Sky

    Hi Ann.
    I encountered your blog looking for the title of a book I encountered on the subway, “Why Black Men Love White Women”. The title made me chuckle out loud and therefore I had to look it up and in my search this blog was number 3 on the list.
    Anyway, I must say that as a bw it has been a long time since I dated a bm (like years). And I really can not complain about my dating experiences. I had a friend ask me if I would ever consider dating within my race. I would if I were approached by a bm. I have the opposite experience b/c I am always approached by white men (on dating sites, cocktail mixers, etc). I am not going to limit myself to only bm, especially if they do not approach me.

  79. TDS 5

    The answer is simple: natural law is what keeps these two apart.

    Feminists, deconstructionists and aggrieved minority scholars have been colluding for decades to overturn natural law in our society. Everyone knows the answer once they peel away the onion of present cultural marxism.

    Good day.

    • Ann

      “The answer is simple: natural law is what keeps these two apart.”

      And just what *natural law* would that be?

      Prove to me where a man and a woman are born having antipathy for the other’s race or color. Race hatred is taught, not innate, nor inherent.

      Give me your evidence where people are *born* hating and attacking other people’s racial/ethnic groups.

      “Feminists, deconstructionists and aggrieved minority scholars have been colluding for decades to overturn natural law in our society.”

      From the historical documentation, racists have fought against God’s Law.

      “Everyone knows the answer once they peel away the onion of present cultural marxism.”

      Since America is a capiltalist country, how do you come to with the half-cocked idea that there is Marxism in this country’s society/culture?

      As for the “answer that everyone knows”, why don’t you tell me just what it is that everyone is supposed to know that has been onion-peeled away?

  80. TDS 5

    You moderators are pussies for only heavily filtering your comments. Your filter parallels what you want to do to free speech. You can;t handle the truth about yourselves.

    • Ann

      “Moderators.”

      And whom might those “moderators” be?

      There is only one owner of this blog, so I would suggest that you learn how to count.

      As for “filtering” I am not adverse to allowing comments on my sight to let the world see that ignorant people such as your self exist. As to comments being filtered, explain that lie. Where have you seen comments filtered on this blog site?

  81. Although I didnt come here specifically to leave a comment, I came across this page searching for information and opinions relevant to a similar topic I’ve written on my site. I just wanted to invite the author (and anyone else) to join and discuss on my site, if it ever takes off and gets popular. I’ve got a whole zero followers, so consider yourself to be breaking ground :D

    http://topicsofcontroversy.blogspot.com

    You seem to be a smart and sensible person, so your invitation remains as long as my site exists.

  82. Why do black men hate black women? Watch this short video.

  83. Judi

    I love all men who love me. We are all human. I married a brown American, because I am attracted
    culturally and sexually to brown Americans. I was turned off by African men from the continent, because most of them, that I met were so arrogant, dishonest and very cocky. They normally went after the white women, like the President’s father, for they found them easier to bed down, and believe their crap. Sisters from here were not buying their lies, we had enough to deal with our own liars. lol I am surprised the President married Michelle, because most mixed people go for the white spouse, just like the brown men, who hate themselves. The President had better taste in women, then his father. lol

  84. Pingback: All Men Love White Women, Black Women Cannot Date White Men, All Men Hate Black Women… and Why « In The Shadows of Black America

  85. Judi

    I was never attracted to any men, but brown-skinned American males. I could care less, if white men do not want me, for the feeling is mutual. Who wants a gerkin, when you can have a dill? lol
    I am friends with men of all nationalities, but I married one of my own culture. I do not care for native African men, and they want white women anyway, for they know black women are not that gullible. I will never apologize for loving my men.
    As West Side Story said, “Stick with your own kind.”

  86. Sonya

    This is an interesting topic! I’m going to keep my reply short and just say that I didn’t realize that my marriage was so uncommon lol. Maybe I live a sheltered life, I don’t know lol. I am a black woman, I’m married to a white man, a very white man, blond hair, blue eyes, very fair skin. His family treats me with love and respect there are no issues and we have been together for about nine years. One of my sisters is married to a white man, one of my brothers is married to a white woman. I have like 32 nieces and nephews and about half that number are mixed black/white, one of them is black/mexican, the remaining are either black, or white. Reading this blog and the responses really makes me appreciate my family! We must be some of the most color blind people in America lol. I never have had an issue with white men approaching me, as a matter of fact more white men approach me now and when I was single than black men. I’ve never dated a black man. I don’t know, what does that mean? Maybe black women put off some kind of vibe or air that makes white men feel intimidated. My husband say’s that he loved my humility and kindness, he likes the fact that I’m not loud and bossy. He say’s that he always found black women physically attractive but never met one he got along with or could really relate to him until me. Maybe it’s a personality thing that causes the problem. Maybe the majority of black women just have personalities that don’t match white men or what they want??? I don’t know why I am an exception, I am attractive but I see beautiful black women everywhere all the time. Well, hopefully my comment helped in some way lol. Thanks for reading!

    • Brandy28

      I can relate to your story. It is the same way with me. More white men approach me than black men and I used to feel awkward around black men because I never really understood them because I wasn’t like most black girls I grew up around. I placed more value in education, proper grammar, and intelligence than anything, so I was seen as the outcast because I liked Britney Spears and the back street boys before I liked a lot of R&B. However, as I got older, I listened to more R&B, thanks to tlc and Toni Braxton than anything. I find that my evolution of music age as I do. I even like Sade now. When I was younger, I needed something that made you dance. I didn’t like hip hop because I thought it was stupid. R&B is what I call grown folk music so I didn’t like it because I didn’t understand it at the time. However, now that I’m grown, it’s my favorite. Anyhow, I was teased alot by the black kids for my taste in everything. They went so far as to tell me that I thought I wanted to be white. After a while I was filled with animosity toward them. Anyhow, even now, white guys are still more likely to approach me than black guys. I don’t know why, but they are and my character is gentle, nurturing and calm.

  87. efuribe chimaobi u

    i desire to marry,but not easy to see.actually,how desperate i am now,what ever that is a lady i will price her and marry her.

  88. Yakira

    I LOVE MEN: BLACK, WHITE, ASIAN, NATIVE AMERICAN, LATINO, and whoever else is out there. To a certain extent, I do prefer white men because of how I have been treated by them opposed to black men. It is not my intent to disrespect or put down the good, strong black men out there but through my personal experience- white men are much more gentlemen like. White men not only make an effort, but they also make it their business to make a woman feel special and loved. How can I not fall for a man who makes me feel like a QUEEN. My anger is more directed toward the black men (not all black men) who ignore us and treat us like we are invisible. In my honest opinion, the way black men have been disrespecting and mistreating us is far worse than anything the white man did in slavery to us. To be constantly hurt by your own is more detrimental than being hurt by a stranger.

  89. james carlisle

    The problem with MLKs I have a dream is just that, it in the end, is just a dream,F D the black guy in the northern cabnet at the time of the american civil war, put it well.The analysis of words are not enough, in other words ,words are not works,dreams are not plans.its not based on, constructs,in a way ist like the dream of going to the moon,the dream ,is not a 300 foot long, saturn 5 rocket.thus genetic engineering=comstruct
    anna you are right ,i am racist as are all humans this really has no affect on us white men ,since all men fart ,therefore all men and women are race based,this dont make me ,good or evil, just human ,the only humans that are not race -ic are, dead or liers,in the english IC, means the law of numbers ci-v-ic means what it is maths x=,(xy)+2=(yx)-2 balance in all ,things=thoughts ,V in maths, means contant change,compression or expansion.
    THUS WE ARE REQUIRED TO BE EX- CELL- ANT TO ONE ANOTHER ,maths sense ,X unKnow numbers CELLS as in Greek algbrabratic cells, ANT as in to go out ward, to real truth, like space V LYING ON ITS SIDE, the USA of today, is not of tomorrow, thus mark twains raft ,it is not enough,THE CONSTRUCT wont WORK. anyway anne have a nice day ,mate.

  90. james carlisle

    The problem with MLKs I have a dream is just that, it in the end, is just a dream,F D the black guy in the northern cabnet at the time of the american civil war, put it well.The analysis of words are not enough, in other words ,words are not works,dreams are not plans.its not based on, constructs,in a way ist like the dream of going to the moon,the dream ,is not a 300 foot long, saturn 5 rocket.thus genetic engineering=comstruct
    Ann you are right ,i am racist as are all humans this really has no affect on white men ,since all men fart ,therefore all men and women are race based,this dont make me ,good or evil, just human ,the only humans that are not race -ic are, dead or liers,in english IC, means the law of numbers ci-v-ic means what it is maths x=,(xy)+2=(yx)-2 balance in all ,things=thoughts ,V in maths, means contant change,compression or expansion.
    THUS WE ARE REQUIRED TO BE, EX- CELL- ANT ,TO ONE ANOTHER ,maths sense ,X unKnow numbers CELLS as in Greek algbrabratic cells, ANT as in to go out ward, to real truth, like space V LYING ON ITS SIDE, the USA of today, is not of tomorrow, thus mark twains raft ,it is not enough,THE PRESENT CONSTRUCT wont WORK. anyway ann ,have a nice day ,mate.from a friend in aussie land.

  91. Becca

    I’m going to be 100% honest. I was raised not to date white men. I remember my dad telling my older brother that they used to hang black men in trees for LOOKING at white women, so my brother should acknowledge their newfound freedom and date a WW! Then I was told in the same breath that WM have always had their way with BW, whether the woman wanted it or not. At the time I actually didn’t think much of it, but when I got older I remember realizing there was some truth to it. I’ve met a lot of white guys who seemed to only see black women as sex toys and shameful ones at that. So I can see why a lot of black women are weary about dating white men or even admitting an attraction.

    PLUS there is the double standard. Like I mentioned abt my brother and WW, the BC is much more approving of black men and white women than black women and white men. I think black women don’t want to upset black men by dating a WHITE guy! (I’ve known a lot of bm who have given me hell for liking any wm) There are STILL a lot of racists around, and I’ve heard white men say some terrible things, and not always about black women but black MEN. I respect my race and culture too much to date a guy who thinks like that.

    I was raised in an upper class, white neighborhood at the beach. I remember in Middle School one of my white classmates liked me–a lot. I guess he had a “thing” for black women, and being in such a white place he satisfied his lust with RAP videos and hip hop “eye candy of the month” magazines that were all black women with big butts. I remembered being bothered by it. I remember him and ALL of his friends gathering around one day to look at how big the girl in the magazine’s butt was! I didn’t like seeing white guys looking at all these BW half naked and so sexual, especially not when I was the ONLY person around who looked like that! I think I convinced myself that the only way a white guy would want a BW was for sex, because thats what I had always been told and it seemed to be true by the people on t.v and society’s views of BW. BW aren’t presented as “desirable” or anything, so I figured if ANY guy was attracted to me it was purely sexual… and I still kind of feel the same way…

    So I’ve always turned them down… always… I don’t really give white men ANY thought or recognition. I had a WM in my philosophy class a while back who was a “typical Socal surfer boy” and I admit he was cute, by any standards, but at the time, I remember thinking I only wanted a black guy! I have a dream of proving people wrong by meeting a nice, smart BM on my level… but a lot of BM also see BW as sex objects no more than the white guys!

    The bm I meet are nothing like me. I grew up in Newport Beach Cali…. I KNOW I have a lot more in common with white guys, but I’m kind of hard headed I guess, lol…

  92. O. James

    Although I find more and more black women and white men dating, I am forced to agree that the numbers of white men and black women marrying are low in proportion to the numbers of black women in the marriage market. The main reason is because that a white guy’s job, social status, and career advancement is very much affected by who he dates or marries. If he is dating a black woman, she is usually a black woman with a masters degree or a job making a great salary. Typically he has a woman who will bring something substantial into the marriage. Typically, white guys dont fool with black women on welfare, or black women who dropped out of high school, or black women with too many kids, or black women who get thrown in jail very other week. He does not want all that much drama in his life.
    Just an observation, on my part.

    • Brandy28

      Good observation. :)

      • I can’t fully agree with the above comment. I am disabled and I don’t look for someone who ” will bring something substantial ” to a marriage whether it be a black or white lady. I look for mutual love and respect from a partner.
        A person’s education has nothing to do with their ability to love and have a great personality nor have a big heart !
        I do agree I don’t want someone ( black or white ) who gets thrown in jail all the time or has a lot of baggage or drama in their life. I don’t bring those things to the table nor do I want them brought to my table.
        I don’t think many if any women would want a man under those circumstances either ! There is too much drama in today’s world as it is.
        As far as dating black women vs. white women I really prefer dating black women. White women in this day and age tend to be more snobs and stuck up than black women I have dated. I don’t want to lump either into a group but the black ladies I have dated have been more down to earth and just generally more fun to be around ! The black ladies I have dated also said they prefered dating white men. I didn’t ask why. I just respected their preference as they did mine.
        One thing I do want to say, that isn’t often mentioned in this forum, is that in our situations the resistance we encountered was pretty much equal. We caught it from both sides and it did require pretty tough skin at times but it was never a factor in what we decided to do or not do ! Bigotry is still alive and well in the USA on both sides of the isle when it comes to interracial dating or marriage.

    • Pamela

      The problem is that if you even have dark skin such that people think you “look black,” that’s all they see. They don’t see the “no out of wedlock kids” “no criminal record whatsoever” “Yale degree” – none of that SHOWS. Only the skin color. White men tend not to want to marry a woman who may have the same or more education as himself but may not – because of the current economic situation – be bringing in as much money or prestige as he is. It’s hard to see education and upbringing past skin color. I still initially tend to get treated like a skin color with no brain. Even as I study at Johns Hopkins – I’m getting tired of it!!

    • slice

      @0. James

      Please don’t put slap that ignorant-a$$ stereotype on just black women—there are white woman on welfare/who are high school dropouts—who basically have ALL the same problems you mentioned black women as having,and white guys STILL fool with them, so your generalizations are just some BS. Funny how you don’t mention white guys not wanting to get with white women like that! And not all white guys are hung up about their social status, or whether they even have any or not. That’s just you and your stuck-up,classist behind!

  93. Judi

    could have married many white men. My grandfather was from Scotland and my grandmother was 50%Scot, and a mixture of all the groups, including Africa. My grandmother looked like Jessica Tandy of Driving Ms. Daisy. My dad looked like President Obama, and my Mom looked like Michelle. I look like Dionne Warwick and Cicily Tyson combo. I am attracted to men, who look like me, and have the same cultural background. The white men said I was racist because I would go on dates with the, but told them I loved my me. I do not fit any of the negative characteristics here for women like me, but I was not spared from insults. I took care of them as they came, and I am not apologizing for loving my men. I am friends with everyone. A scary aspect of some white men is they tend to be serial killers and short eyes. I know there are men and women who can be the latter in all ethnic groups, but those stereotypes are out there for all of us. Love and marry who you want, for GOD KNOWS I did.

  94. Rickw660

    I have noticed in London in the last few years lots more black women dating white men. I am engaged to a black women (i’m white English), and two of my friends are married to black girls.

    And I was in the USA earlier this year (in Seattle), and I saw quite a few white guys with black women, so as an outsider it looked to be changing.

    As far as I am concerned, if you don’t want to date someone of another race then don’t. That is your choice.

    But people should be free to date and marry who they want to shouldn’t have to explain thir choices to other people.

  95. Rickw660

    In London I have noticed in the last few years a lot more white men/black women relationships. It is not uncommon.

    And on a recent tip to the USA (Seattle), I also noticed quite a few WM/BW relationships so as an outsider it looks like things are changing in the USA.

    I’m white and English, and I am engaged to a black lady. Also, two of my friends are married to black women.

    I can’t see why people care so much about who other people date.

    • Pamela

      You’re right. Black men are the only ones who do. I”m Native American, “Red” Indian, and for some reason every black man who lays eyes on me (it seems at times) seems to care way too much about who I date and don’t date. The boyfriend of an ex-roommate who was moving out when I moved IN here, even had the nerve to ask me what nationality my Jewish boyfriend is…..and this was after knowing me all of TEN MINUTES. That tends to be how black men START with me, so you’ll excuse me if I want nothing to do with them!!!

  96. Hello Ann. As a Black and Latina female triple majoring in Latin American and Caribbean Studies, International Studies, and Spanish, as well as attending UWisconsin Madison, these topics are issues I see everyday. I love your comments. I attend school with over-privileged people of all colors but mainly whites. You would not BELIEVE the lengths these student AND faculty members go through to deny the fact that race is an issue and that yes! slavery is very much the cause of that issue still to this day. I love your blog and responses to the idiots that feel as though they actually have a valid opinion when they don’t understand that their bubbled world is NOT conducive to them accurately processing or understanding the subtle and overt racial/social iniquities pervasive in our “great” society.
    –But what do we as minority women know about racism and sexism??

    • Ann

      “-But what do we as minority women know about racism and sexism?”

      Yes, very well put. I mean, we have only been subjugated, attacked, raped, forcibly impregnated, burned, tortured, humiliated and nearly annihilated because we have stood up for (still do), speak the truth. I mean, what can we possibly know about race and sex :)

      Race, slavery, and segregation still reside amongst us, which is why Black women are still vilified by a country which has sought for centuries to erase us from the conscious of this nation.

  97. Lovely

    Dear Ann:

    Beautiful blog.

    I have a few things to say….

    I am an attractive Black female, college degree, w/ NO kids or attitude who is constantly being pursued by men of all races.

    To all of my fellow black women…

    Even though a few of the post by some of the white men on this blog are a bit hurtful, some of them do have a merit of truth to them…

    -Lose weight! Don’t be 200lbs and say guys don’t like you because you’re a strong black women…seriously. Take care of yourself. Go to the gym and work it out!

    -don’t assume that just because a black guy is with a white girl she is easy. Don’t be so quick to judge other peoples relationships because no one wants to be stereotyped….

    -I think we need to be more open about dating guys of different races….& if you are not open to dating someone of a different race don’t tell them that is why you are not giving them a chance….That is just plain hurtful and you wouldn’t like it if someone did that to you!

    -yes some WM are not open to dating/marrying BW for social reasons. So obviously those men aren’t for you.

    -I am a bit on the shy side…but it really is okay to approach a guy! Seriously! I have only approached one guy and even though he did not turn out to be my soul mate he is truly an amazing friend. Be open-minded.

    -It is important to know yourself worth…never let a guy use you & don’t carry your baggage from one relationship to the next. Everyone gets their heart broken at least once. Its life, it happens & it’s okay!

    -IR dating can be tough. Even though it is important to talk about your differences it is important to focus on what you have in common.

    **Random fact but I have been pulled over about 6 times by police for speeding and I have never gotten a ticket…It’s all about grace!**

    I will leave saying that I have had great boyfriends both black and white and every single boyfriend I have had has asked me to marry him. Treat others with love and respect and you will get the same in return.

    Hopefully no one took offensive to what I wrote….It was just meant as constructive criticism to all of my fellow sisters who I sincerely wish the best for <3.

    • Brandy28

      I think your answer is super fly. It’s great. It’s about character, not really race when it comes to love and those issues.

  98. African Beauty

    I personally woul dnever date White Men
    they still are evil hearted, bitter, thieving azzh0les. they have fuked up propagandas, they always labeling African american women and the list goes on. why should anyone care whether a white man marries a Black woman or other races. the last encounter i had with a white guy he was cool until i started talking about my career, it’s like he got a attitude because i had something good in ym life but i dont care of any other race of Men, especially white men and they make me itch from that body lice

  99. African Beauty

    when it comes to white and non black men
    i stay the hell away from them

  100. coolcat55900

    Slavery is still being mentioned because of the many repercussions all blacks (men and women) are facing today. Many races are still affected by the many forms of racism that persists today.

    But I have to agree with some of the above posts. Although I still believe racial differences are the main motive for segregation, I also believe that SES (social economic status) plays an important role. Unfortunately, we live in a society where money talks. The societal norm is for people to marry people within their ses.

    Personally, I don’t care what race people claim to belong to, seeing as though there are no pure races. We, as a society give meaning to the word ‘race.’ This means that you can be black in America and white in Brazil. What I don’t understand is if we know that the term ‘race’ has been so freely defined, why do we put so much emphasis on it?

    And if you want to marry someone from a different background as yourself, go for it. People are going to talk about you until the day you die (and sometimes death doesn’t keep people from talking). So if they’re going to talk about you and the one you love when you’re separate, you might as well be happily together and face their gossip as a pair. Kill their cruelty with kindness and go on with your lives.

  101. Janaile

    I want race not to matter but it does. One thing to consider that race is strongly tied up in culture. As a black woman with friends all the color of the rainbow sometimes I feel misunderstood by some of my friends who may have grown up in an all white suburban neighborhood. Also, a lot of what we learn about attractiveness comes from our childhood, a parent or older relative comments on celebrities, people we meet , etc and we gradually begin to shape our definitions of attractiveness (but of course this is not set in stone).
    Race is usually NOT a factor for me when choosing mates, but then again I did grow up in NYC. I think people should stop indoctrinating their children with “they may not want to be friends with you b/c you’re a different color” or “be careful b/c this person may be dangerous”
    Black woman should stop being afraid of not fitting in with their peers and stand up for themselves and marry ANY man who will treat them with love and respect. If you get hurt, so what move on and hold out for what you want.

  102. Tia

    i am not really interested in those who are not interested in me so to speak, everyone has their own preferences, and are alot of these preferences tainted by what society dictates, yes? are alot of white men still racist, and fear “Black” yes? are alot of Black people equally ignorant and stereotype Whites/other ethnicities in turn, yes. theres just alot of ignorance to go around folks.

    in this day of a collapsing world economy, poverty,
    disease, abuse and trafficking of human beings , corrupt govts, genocides and natural disasters, this just isnt high on the list. some people of different races find hapiness together, some don’t. it does not mean you can paint them all with one brush, there are 2 many exceptions. even dating outside of your race doesnt make you non racist or that you see one’s humanity more.

    start by making the right decisions in YOUR life and being a good person, have a foundation to build on, try to see people as people, y es they may dissapoint you and may find yourself saying ” i was right about ( insert race) “but you will also find plenty of exceptions.

  103. Lisa

    I have advice for all black women who want to date white men (no, seriously). It might not be politically correct, but here goes:
    Love yourselves and enjoy the life God gave you.

    I consider myself black, I have a black mother and a white father (who have been married over 25 years, for everyone saying these relationships don’t work out). I’ve never had problems attracting men of all races, but I think men don’t care what color you are if you’re attractive (to give you an idea, people say I look exactly like Mariah Carey when she was younger).

    When I get very tan in the summer, I’m about the color of coffee & cream. When I haven’t been in the sun in the winter, I’m lighter than some white people, so clearly my skin tone varies greatly. I haven’t noticed a variance in interest of white men based on how dark I am. I HAVE noticed a variance based on how heavy I am. When I’m thin (5’6 and ~125-130 pounds), tons more white men approach me and almost no black men do. When I have been heavier in the past (~150-155), tons more black men have approached me.

    The white standard of beauty is thin. You may lose the weight, that’s the physical change, but, let your shining personality come through.

    • John McVirgo

      Lisa, if you look like Mariah Carey then it isn’t surprising you attract men of all races and you having a skin tone that adjusts itself like that is very desirable because it’s flexible. However, I think you’re being too simplistic by suggesting White men wouldn’t care about you being Black as long as you lose weight and have a nice attitude. They do care about hair texture and whether your skin is tanned or permanently brown.

  104. Hmmm.

    I’ve checked into this discussion (and other similar discussions) after a recent rip to the U.S. with my wife. We’re a heterochromatic couple (she’s black and I’m white) living in Brazil. Both of us are anthropologists and we study sexual and romance tourism for a living. You might say, then, that the issues that are being raised here are sort of our stock in trade.

    Our recent trip really brought this issue home to us. On our last three voyages to the U.S., we’ve noticed quite a few bi-racial couples, but always and without exception white woman/black man. On this trip, we had a 24 hour layover in Atlanta and went out to see the city. Returning via Marta to the airport after a long day, I leaned up against my wife, laying my head on her shoulder and closing my eyes. 10 minutes later, when I opened them again, the entire car was scowling at us.

    It freaked Ana out more than me, to be sure. And what REALLY freaked her out was the fact that all the passengers were black. “It was as if I was betraying the race by being with you,” she said. “And yet I never see those kind of looks directed against black men – white women couples. What, because I’m a woman I can’t sleep outside the race? Is that the deal here?”

    I’ll be posting further thoughts on this matter on my blog at http://www.omangueblog.blogspot.com

  105. John McVirgo

    It boils down to choice. White men do find Black women attractive, to a degree, but as their last choice when it comes to looks, personalty and intelligence.

    In general, men of all races love Latinas with long flowing brown hair, brown eyes and a light tan or blondes with radiant light hair, blue eyes and a light skin tone. How close to this you look is how attractive you will be perceived, in general, and Black women are the least likely to look like this.

    Sorry if my honesty offends some people.

    • slice

      @John

      You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about—there ARE black women who look exactly like what you describe. Plus there are BLACK latinas, just so you know—white folks ain’t got a claim on being Latinas/os. Also, YOU don’t speak for man of all races, so don’t presume to know what they like, because what you want may not be what THEY want, anyway!

  106. Ray

    Let love flourish in the world do not let your minds cloud your hearts just go for your love and good things will happen if you try to be with your love and you do not succed then try try again if you do not succed try some one else . just let life come together all races and all genders who cares what you are it is the heart mind and personality that counts every body in gos eyes are equal some times the world treats you diffrently will have to smell the coffe and realize they hav a crutch . God loves us all . In my eyes everyone is equal as well and so should everybodys .

  107. Serge

    Most men (including black) do not have the backbone to appreciate the beauty of black women. That is the main reason.

    • Cindy Gones

      Serge,thank you for recognizing that in order to appreciate the black women and her beauty, you must have some kind of backbone.

      From Cindy gones.

  108. Becca ❥

    I don’t know why, but I’d probably decine. I want to know why there aren’t more black women/asian men couples! I LOVE asian men! omg! lol

  109. indiana

    Personally I don’t date white men ; not that I don’t find them attractive, I just love black men, i am a black woman. I believe in BLACK LOVE/ AND A STRONG BLACK FAMILY.

    • simpleedirect

      Man, “I love the black man.” I say it all of the time to all people and all races. I just love the black man. I do not care to date outside my race however, I will if feeling is right. I am with in total agreement with indiana. I am down with interracial couples and I have not problem with it as long as people remain true to themselves about it.

  110. notinterested

    I can’t find myself to entertain the thought of being with a white man intimately because of what their people did to my fore parents..( slavery, lynching, rape etc.)..

    MODERATOR: To notinterested/indiana. Your IP address is showing. It is not necessary to post under numerous usernames. When posting a comment, use either indiana or notinterested. Posting from the same IP address will show up in my admin section.

    You are welcome to leave a comment, but, it is not needed to use multiple names to leave a comment. If anything, it devalues your credibility.

    Thank you.

  111. simpleedirect

    Today’s generation is not that up front impacted by the past. I just believe their eyes do the walking and the talking and if they decided to marry to attempt to marry they know it will be an uphill battle because it is still not as common as black men preferring and marrying white women…we have the black athletes to thank for that.

  112. jubilee

    I cant believe this—I’m a black woman and i’ve seen many wm/bw couples in the church and they are doing fine:) I guess it matters where you go and who you hang with–many of the black women are dark chocolate too–and ladylike. and the men are like men–not wimpy guys–they act like the’re strong enough to handle the black guys and can protect his women

  113. Acajudi

    My grandfather was from Scotland and my grandmother was Scot (father) and a mixture of African on my father’s side. My Mother was a mixture of African and Native American. It seem like my father did not like being the “yellow” offspring of his parents, so his sister introduced me to my grandmother, who looked like Jessica Tandy.
    I am a brown skin-American with the maiden name of McVan. I did the Ellis Island search and found my grandfather and his brother
    (James and Michael McVan) arriving via Ireland in March 1893. I searched in the Scotland genealogy files and found my great grandparents John and Marry, and their five sons.

    I wish I could trace my mother’s genealogy, but she was adopted, but she looked like a mix of African and Native American.
    I had many men of all nationalities wanting to marry me, but I felt more relaxed with brown skin
    American men and that is who I married. My daughter looks Hispanic, so I can see in my own family, that we are just humans, and who we marry should be our choice, without putting down other people. I have dated men of all nationalities, but I knew that I would be more comfortable with men who shared the same background with me. I still have friends of all nationalities and they would bend over backwards to help me, as I would to help them. I have friends, who mixed couples, who are married, and hey have the same ups and downs, as all of us. I have noticed they seem to be closer since they are attacked by the outside world orally, and sometimes physically. There are so many ignorant people, who will not live and let live. I noticed that the ones who had the most racist parents marry outside their ethnic group. Was it to hurt Mom and Dad? Who knows?

    Love is so rare, so when you find it, give 100%, and consider yourself blessed. God bless everyone, and keep you safe.

  114. mimi227
    So what are you saying? Black women can’t or don’t have small noses? lol. Not all black people look the same.

  115. Mark

    Mark (white guy)
    So yeah Ive been dating Julia for a while now (first girlfriend) and things have been for the most part great. The relationship isn’t perfect but surprisingly very few issues arose from the difference in color. The relationship started with her striking up a conversation with me and basically pursuing me till I got the hint and reciprocated. This also wasn’t that much of a color issue because I generally don’t talk to girls but the fact that she was black made it more awkward then usual. Ann’s comments seem silly because given enough time you will realize that having a relationship is more important then who asks who out first and labeling men as cowards for not initiating a conversation with you is just fooling yourself. Perhaps there is something unapproachable about you that you should probably focus on or just take the chance and talk to a guy yourself. Yes I realize I’m a complete hypocrite for saying this but the bottom line is everyone wants to be in a relationship so if its not coming to you one way try something else.

  116. Kenny

    I am a white man and have always dated black women. My wife of 15 years is a black woman. We have three children together. I have always found black women to me the most beautiful women on earth. By the way, no my wife is not light-skinned with white features. I don’t think history and society have much to do with it anymore, in some cases sure but not the majority. If you ask any man what his biggest reason for not approaching any woman is he will tell you the fear of rejection. I think most white men tend to believe most black women would rather not date a white men which, in their minds, quadruples the chances of rejection. Unfortunately, I think the haunted past of atrocities will never go away because half of us hold on to it so tightly and the other half cannot get past stereotypes. Sad.

  117. Dirty Harry

    NO! NO!NO!

    The reason why White men don’t marry Black women is the SAME reason Martin Luther King would not have SEX with Black women – they are damn too ugly. Now Martin & the Boys just loved MULLATOS – plenty of GOOD DNA coursing through their veins that remove those THICK LIPS & BIG FAT ASS & GOLLY WOG HAIR.

    You can see this also in a youthful Muhammad Ali. His White ancestors came from Ireland.

    And now we have the MULLATOS in the WHITE HOUSE.

    IF YOU GET RID OF THOSE THICK LIPS, BIG ASS & GOLLYWOG HAIRDOS YOU TOO CAN GET A WHITE MAN & EVEN A WHITEHOUSE.

    • Ann

      Translation:

      You cannot get a woman so you cry about it and pull a fox and the grapes routine.

      Do not use the word mulatto on my blog again. It is a pejorative term.

      This is my blog, and you will use respect and decorum. Go against that, and I will delete your comments.

    • slice

      @DH

      Go to hell,troll! Probably got kicked to the curb by a sister,and you got an attitude due to that, am I right? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

  118. Paul Bateman

    Ann, I’ve been reading through this blog of yours and I sense anger on your part. More precisely, you seem to harbor resentment against Caucasians. Is this because you would like a Caucasian boyfriend but haven’t yet succeeded?

    In your opinion it isn’t a lady’s place to actively seek out the opposite gender. I disagree. I personally believe in gender equality and like emancipated women. Although there is a flip side to this. With equal opportunity comes equal responsibility. You can’t expect men of your desire to approach you. You and only you are responsible for your own happiness. So make it happen! Make the first move! Try it and you might be surprised. Take control and make a move on a Caucasian man. Contrary to what you believe I think many white males are open to interracial relationships and wouldn’t reject you based on race.

    • Ann

      “Ann, I’ve been reading through this blog of yours and I sense anger on your part. More precisely, you seem to harbor resentment against Caucasians.”

      Anger, yes, at white supremacy, white racism and white privilege. Anger at white denial of the legacy of the denigration of Black women. No need for resentment towards Whites———-just the need to tell the truth about the ravaging effects that whiteness has had on America.

      “Is this because you would like a Caucasian boyfriend but haven’t yet succeeded?”

      No.

      “Contrary to what you believe I think many white males are open to interracial relationships and wouldn’t reject you based on race.”

      Which White males are you speaking of: those who live in the United States of America, or those who live in Norway, Iceland or Finland?

      I doubt very seriously that white American males would be so overwhelmingly reciprocal towards Black women—-whether the Black woman aggressively pursues the White male, whether she tenderly and softly pursues the White male, or whether she gives him a simple “Hello”, how are you doing?”

      The fact must be faced that Black women are invisible to White men, and many White men still have not the courage to date and acknowledge the humanity of Black women, the way those many White males are so quick to acknowledge the humanity and womanhood of non-Black women.

      • Paul Bateman

        If you’re not romantically interested in Caucasian men then why or you so concerned about the low percentage of white male/black female marriages?

        Besides, I’ve travelled the U.S.A. and people there seem very open to racial diversity. I wouldn’t know much about race relations in Scandinavia but I do know that people of African heritage constitute an almost negligibly small fraction of the population. I’ve lived in Central Europe most of my life and I can tell you that there are very few blacks here as well and therefore very few interracial couples. Historically and demographically Europe hasn’t felt much of an African influence. Africans are in my experience often treated as an exotic curiosity here.

        If you’d like to know how minorities experience European relationships and everyday European life why don’t you ask Jews (If you’ll find any left), Muslims who never mingle with whites or Eastern Europeans who count as second class citizens…

      • Ann

        “If you’re not romantically interested in Caucasian men then why or you so concerned about the low percentage of white male/black female marriages?”

        Because, the causal factors relate to a very low rate of IRs between WM/BW, and being interested in human behaviour, I will question why so few White men date and marry Black women.

        “Besides, I’ve travelled the U.S.A. and people there seem very open to racial diversity. I wouldn’t know much about race relations in Scandinavia but I do know that people of African heritage constitute an almost negligibly small fraction of the population. I’ve lived in Central Europe most of my life and I can tell you that there are very few blacks here as well and therefore very few interracial couples. Historically and demographically Europe hasn’t felt much of an African influence. Africans are in my experience often treated as an exotic curiosity here. ”

        Of course there is not a strong African influence on Europe, one would not expect otherwise. As for less blacks in Europe, of course they would be a curiosity/exotic—–the lone non-native always stands out in a sea of people that are different from them.

        “If you’d like to know how minorities experience European relationships and everyday European life why don’t you ask Jews (If you’ll find any left), Muslims who never mingle with whites or Eastern Europeans who count as second class citizens…”

        When a Jewish person, or Muslim person, or a Czech, Pole, or Bulgarian visits my blog, then I will be more than happy to question them on how they fare in present-day Europe.

        Besides, the post is about why so few White and Men of Other Races marry Black women.

        Please do not further derail the conversation.

        Thank you.

  119. Lena H.

    I sort of hate to say this but feel it should be said. I believe the reason that most non-Black men do not date black women is for two reasons predominately: One, a lot of white people still have a perception of Blacks as generally being “lower class” (which absolutely does include assumptions about intelligence and character). So, again generally, if a White guy dates a Black woman, he is seen as “dating down” rather than dating a social equal. And society perceives those who “date down” as being less valuable members of society than others.
    Secondly, the “typical” facial features of a Black person are not considered attractive by many people. I do not know if people are consciously aware of having prejudice toward not only the color of the skin but also the general facial features of an African-Americans, such as larger nostrils and fuller lips, but I do believe that prejudice exists.
    So, there is a combination of prejudice against Black women with regard to perceived social class (again, including assumptions as to intelligence and character), prejudice in perceptions about color, and and prejudice in perceptions about beauty. I feel that most Black women are oppressed TERRIBLY in this country. I truly do, and that is based on what I have seen and heard over a lifetime (I’m mid-50′s) of observation. I can’t prove what I say, and I’m open to debate on it, but at this point I feel very strongly that there is intense oppression of Black women in our culture.

    • Ann

      The “typical” facial features of Black Americans do vary, from full lips, broad nose, to thin lips, sharp nose. Hair texture varies as well, from tightly coiled, curly, to wavy, to even straight, and skin color can range from medium-brown to dark brown. Even eye color is not all monochromatic brown for some Black people: there are Black Americans with dark brown eyes, and even some with hazel or blue eyes.

      Phenotypically, Black Americans have a diverse range of facial features, due to their varied genetic background.

      As for the rest of your comment, yes, Black women have been horribly oppressed in America. They have had to contend with a denigration of their features for centuries, and that maltreatment shows no let up in the near future.

      As for the “White guy dating down”, Black women, unlike White and other non-Black women, are not accorded validation of their humanity, therefore, they are given less credibility as human beings, in their capabilities and accomplishments. With the pernicious stereotypes that have assailed the image of Black women, stereotypes that continue from the past (white racism) into the present (black gangsta rapper’s videos), more people would rather be lazy and believe a stereotype, and judge ALL Black people on the actions of a few (thereby, disregarding the individuality of millions of Black Americans), than understand that there are Black women who are marriage material, Black women with varied interests and outlooks, Black women who follow no monolitihc Borg-mindset. More people would hold ALL Black people liable to the actions of one lone Black person who does wrong, whereas, with a White person, they are judged on their individual actions, and not on any action that would be reflected back on the entire group of Whites.

      The oppression of Black women is very pervasive in whiteness-worshipping America——a view that taints any potential relationships that could occur between Black women and men of other races.

    • Brandy28

      I agree with you so much on this subject. Black women are looked down upon and mistreated seriously by all races. I told my friend the other day that black women were mistreated worse than women of european and latino and oriental origins. She said no men treat all women bad regardless of color, I said no they treat us the worst, even some of our own black men don’t treat us right and the worse part is that as black women we allow it to happen instead of getting up and walking away from it. I’m saying sincerely what I’ve observed over the years.

    • slice

      @Lena

      “Secondly, the “typical” facial features of a Black person are not considered attractive by many people. I do not know if people are
      consciously aware of having prejudice toward not only the color of the skin but also the general facial features of an African-Americans, such as larger nostrils and fuller lips, but I do believe that prejudice exists.”

      That’s only because white folks ran and owned the media, so they could indoctrinate and brainwash everyone into believing that WHITENESS was the ONLY standard of beauty that everyone else had to measure their attractiveness by,hwhich is basically just white supremacy. Attractiveness in the eye of the beholder, and it’s relative—-meaning what’s considered attractive/beautiful one day/week/month/year with be considered out of date on down the line. I’ve been around long enough to see that happen—the idea of beauty changes like the weather, real quick.

      So this whole idea of black woman not being attractive (i.e., not fitting the white beauty idea) is based on some complete and total BS!

  120. Linda

    Traditionally white men and black women are more traditional people. When white men or black women date or marry outside their race they meet with more resistance. It is more taboo. That is why there aren’t as many of these couples around. Though, have you been to California? There are lots and lots of those couples there.

  121. Oceane

    Coming across your blog I’m fascinated by how racial issues is still such a big issue even in the 21st century, especially in America, which call itself a country of freedom to everyone, but by reading all these comments here I guess not because as long racial issues exist between all different races in America, they won’t be any freedom for anyone Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, Indians etc…

    What I can say is to love those who love you and ignore those who don’t because life is too short and too beautiful to waste it in such vanities of the world, so appreciate all the beautiful things life offers to each of us. Believe me coming from an African country where there’s constant war which I live since my childhood and seeing many people of all ages dying (infants, young and old) you’ll see that all this is just vanity and that people are letting the simple and joyous things of life slip through their hands for material that won’t last, especially in western world…and if God said you were meant to marry this kind of man or woman then believe me no one and nothing can stop it to happen.

    Each human being build their own life, happiness is in every one hands, only ourselves have the power to make our life better or worst, it’s true that we cannot have a 100% happy life until our death and their will always be people or maybe circumstances that will try to break us down but that’s why it called “LIFE” there will always be struggle and the stronger one always rise from the fall.

    Some type of people don’t like other type of people, we cannot help it and it will always be like that, it’s a part of human nature. I met people who did not like me because I’m black or just they did not like me without any reason(which I found ridiculous) but I will not let it control my life because I’m not expecting to be like by the whole world. Those who would like to know me I’ll welcome them with both arms open wide and those who don’t…well that their decision and I definitely won’t lose any sleep over it.

    But I do believe in human nature, I do believe people change when they decide to change, I do believe that one day people will come to live and love each others without any prejudice and accept the differences from one another, I do believe every human being even those who have committed the most horrible crime have a part of good in them, if we just reach out an hand to them when they want to be help and not judge or prosecute them.

    You may think that I’m naive or something like that but that how I am and won’t change for anything in the world or because society label me as weird. I love to give chance to anyone, get to know the person before instead of judging or labeling them on what rumors, myths or legends say about them, that’s how I am and cannot help it.

    I love looking at the world with a child eyes, I’m happy to have a family and friends who love me, I’m happy to have a full complete body with all it members in place, I’m happy to be healthy while other lay in hospital fighting death…I’m just happy to be ALIVE and enjoy every moment of it. So don’t trouble your heart and mind on why certain type of people don’t love or appreciate you, just content yourself of those who really love you instead of trying to understand why some ignorants don’t, which is a huge waste of your precious life, and the most important of all appreciate to love yourself.

    Everyone are beautiful in their own way Blacks, Whites, Asians, Indians, Albinos, Arabs etc…and all this mixture make the world a wonderful place to live and in God eyes we are all the same no one is better than the other, we are all his children…it’s as if you ask a mother who she like the most between her 2 sons, the one who is a doctor or the one who is a thief? and her answer will be that she loves them both the same way and equally and have not a preference, and that’s the same with God, you can be white, black, Indian, asian, etc…he’s love for us is the same and does not love any race better than the other.

    Learning to love ourselves first will help us to love and appreciate others.

  122. s

    some of the comments on this page are alittle out of touch.

    many black women go out with men of other races and ethnic backgrounds. open your eyes and go through the major cities in the usa.

    many black women donot want to go out with any other ethnic background but a black man.

    the world its chanjging fast and many will not experience these changes.

  123. nick(whiteguywithblackchick)

    im sorry buy you are WAY off , way way way off base with your thoughts on that stuff…i thought we wanted an end to racism the biggest problem is with “the man” not just white guys.. hell even i have problems with the man holding me down. while there are alot of ignorant white guys that wont mix with other races or specifically black women, it goes both ways, there are equal amounts of black that dissaprove of mixing as well. truthfully as a couple we get alot of disapproving looks from older people both white and black, but it tends to be black males that have something rude to say, and black females esp haha.

  124. what214

    I love you Ann, seriously. All of your responses to these comments have inspired me to further educate myself. You are an EXTREMELY intelligent woman.

  125. E

    I am a white male and I have observed all over America, from NY to California, Florida to texas… and even overseas, that White men find Black women attractive– so as to marry them, date them, and form long term relationships with Black women.

    It is my belief that Black women (especially darker complected women) are the most beautiful of any population of women in the world. No offense to other population segments of women.

    I am sure I am not alone. I travel frequently and I see happy WM/BF couples on a daily basis.

  126. Denise

    I’m convinced that what Ann is speaking about is true. From personal experience, I have thought about dating outside my race- but what I have found is that white men in particular don’t make themselves available. It’s usually a black man that will approach me. And I agree that this is a real man. Women shouldn’t have to chase a man down in order to get a date. And we certainly don’t have to beg a man for their hand in marriage.

  127. KiminAustin

    First off, I have to say I’m a “brown” woman. My family has every race present within it, but I’m classified as Black because everyone in the U.S. sees my skin and immediately/conveniently labels me as such. I am college educated, my friends are of all colors and races, and I listen to every kind of music you can think of. I’m not loud, I don’t speak in slang, and I have a ton of close guy friends who are white. But, this is where the problem lies: I can feel the disinterest when I go in a bar or club. I could go in with nothing but my white friends and still have a majority of white men ignore me in favor of the less attractive girl “over there,” just because she is white. That’s what’s so hurtful to me: That there are men that exist on this Earth that would rather date/marry a White/Asian/non-Black woman who isn’t at all that attractive rather than be interested in me. I’ve read through most of the comments on this page, and it is very hurtful to read some of what some White men posted. Instead of actually coming up to me and starting a conversation (where you will find out that we like the same music, that I’m a photographer, that there isn’t an ounce of “loud” and “ghetto” in me), you just look/not look at me and immediately decide that I’m not on your level because you’ve given into stereotypical thinking. How would you feel if everyone started treating you weird because they watched “Jersey Shore” and “90210″ and immediately thought you were like those stereotypes just because you have the same skin color. Genetically, we are humans. The only difference in hair texture/color pigment is because of hundreds/thousands of generations adapting to their geographical surroundings. Melanin in the skin cells turned darker or lighter depending on the amount of sun in that region. Eyes slanted to keep out harsher sunlight and wetness in the East. In the Nordic regions, less melanin was produced to deal with colder, less sun-filled weather conditions. Noses became leaner so that breathing in the colder air was as difficult. We all came from the same place, the races weren’t established until groups moved out of the African continent and spread out. Genetic markers have linked every race/color to the same original groups on that continent. Pretty much, racism and any form of favoritism because of lightness/darkness/hair/eye color is just hatred/favoritism against something that is within your own genetic makeup. I wish more people spent time reading about genetics/REAL history and human migration/biology rather than looking at a person and basing their reaction to said person because of a stereotype.

    Also, I don’t give a damn about racism. Pretty much, anyone that was a slave/owned a slave is dead and died a LONG time ago. Some of the White people who are alive now get saddled with hatred because of something most Black people assumed their ancestors did. We all need to take into consideration that 1) A lot of what is classified as “white” is actually comprised of many races/ethnicities, many of which are derived from immigrants that came in droves to America AFTER slavery was abolished 2) A lot of mulattoes either ran away during slavery or traveled West after being freed and were passed off as White and married White and had children who were White and no one was ever the wiser. The same people that you may point your fingers at for having “slave-owning ancestors” may even be the great great grandchildren of slaves themselves. 3) Not every White person that lived in the U.S. during slavery owned slaves nor condoned slavery. There is a reason slavery was abolished and it had a lot to do with groups of White people who spoke loudly and openly about how wrong slavery was. They risked their lives to help slaves escape, a lot of them even died for what they believed was right. So, it is very unfair to say that every White person should be judged because of slavery. Same as with my family: I said we were comprised of every race, and in conducting my family genealogy, I realized that none of my “Black” ancestors were slaves. Some of them came from other countries AFTER slavery and some even OWNED slaves. Yes, it is common knowledge that there were some Black people that owned Black slaves. Yet, no one ever brings it up.

    There, that is my 2Cents and more…..

  128. Justin

    I’m a 38 year old white man from Oklahoma. I found your article on black women and white men very interesting. I do agree with some of what you said and understand why. I have always been attracted to black women since childhood. when I was a teenager I always felt a barrier between me and black women and ended up settling for white women and it never seemed right for me. Then I ended up getting married to a black women she meant everything to me and I was crazy about her and did everything in the world for her I wanted to make her the happiest women in the world. Nothing I ever did was ever good enough and she would blame me for all the things men did to her in her life. I Love her kids with all my heart and we have a 5 year old son also. But, she would push me away till she forced me out of the house. for all the years we were together I took all her abuse including from her kids. Now she’s trying to keep me away from my son. I still believe black women are the most wonderful gift god gave this earth.

    • Brandy28

      Hmmn, if you have ever heard of a movie called the diary of a tired black man, you should check it out. It talks about black women who find a good man and then treat him wrong because of her previous relationships. She sound like she’s got some deeply rooted hurt that she definitely need to work on because what ever she’s reliving in her head isn’t your fault. Too bad she didn’t realize that before she booted you out. I think that some women of african american heritage don’t deal with the hurt and are taught to tough it out because being tough is what make a woman strong. The women are told to hold your head up and not cry and keep on moving forward. The problem with this is that women are emotional creatures and anytime something isn’t properly dealt with, it definitely makes things difficult in that woman’s life. Crying is healthy, it’s a way of expressing feelings. She needs to go back to the root of her issues and deal with them to release her spirit from that hurt, frustration and anger she’s built up over time. I’ve been there, I know. I had a lot of work to do on my self and I still have work, but non the less I will continue to work on it. I’m sorry for your wife. I’m sorry for you as well.

  129. steve

    1;To set the record straight – I am the White Father of mixed race sons plus additionally a White son with a White Mother
    2; Your stance is that of 100 years ago
    3;ALL Men regardless of race do NOT understand what women expect and want of them today, regardless of race, -so are VERY unsure as to how to approach ALL women – and this is massively multiplied if you start adding in the erroneous Master/Slave connotations
    4;How do you think White Men feel about Black men chasing after White women and white women chasing after Black men then? -Generally pretty uncomfortable.Why do YOU BLACK women think that Black Men want White women so much – how about explaining THAT then?- Is it a pathetic ‘Mandigo’ thing ?And many White men are definitely ‘ the measure ‘ of the ridiculous Black male myth, trust me . . . but why are you so happy for this to persist – to YOUR own detriment?
    5; Stop blaming all but yourselves for the situation – YOU alone have allowed Black males to progress to what THEY want to do , without taking you along with them …. Please dont blame us White males for THAT – its a situation that WE have NO control over

    MODERATOR:

    This comment has been edited. The post is about Black women/men of other races.

    White males are not being blamed for something not discussed in the above post. There is no “measure” of any Black male myth. Men are either men, or they are walking imitations of the real thing.

    As for the assumption that “all Black men want White women”, that is a question you would have to ask Black men and White women. Any man who sees the humanity in a WOMAN would not limit himself to only one race/ethnic group of women.

    Read the Comment Policy when leaving comments. Sticking to the topic will allow your comments to continue on this post.

    Thank you.

  130. I just think that their is a history that divides black females from white men. I’ve noticed that white women don’t have a problem marrying or dating black men because their is only a history of the submissive slave but dominant man having sex with a white woman. But when the table turns a dominant white man can look at a black woman as only a sex object and nothing more. Ive noticed that if we aren’t lighter skinned white men won’t stand a chance with a darker skinned female, ( never understood why white woman tanned to be our colour?). As an example I grew up in a wealthy mainly white town and the white students didn’t sit with black people but would if your Asian or Spanish. I’ve noticed that their parents didn’t enforce diversity and neither did the school. I thinks this segregation is environmental but also embedded in our lived through history. The way to change this is for white men to get off their pedestal and approach to change this separation since it was their fathers who taught them racism. Black women are never taught to hate it’s the white men who were and maybe still are. A white man I think is obligated to get to know someone black and ask them a few questions and realize that were no different than their white counterparts. One more thing we don’t have attitudes, it’s just our nature to be strong from what white men put us through during slavery, so how can a white man say we have an attitude when ur ancestors caused it? How can you say were not attractive when your white ancestors raped us and we had biracial babies, how can you believe were not interesting when you never opened your heart to figure out what makes us smile??

  131. abagail

    MODERATOR: Your comment was not allowed through. Read my Comment Policy.

    Troll behaviour will not be tolerated, nor will your ad hominem attacks against me.

    You have received one warning. Any more comments like the previous one, and none of your comments will be allowed through.

  132. Ilie

    I am a black woman who is attracted to a white male, and the feelings are reciprocal. We have each had relationships of the same race, and have no hangups about either type of relationship. The attraction is based on compatability, interests, similar energy, eduation, and personality. The cultural differences serve to make it even more interesting, but not in an experimental kind way. We generally respect and care for each other.

  133. apple

    maybe proximity is a factor. i mean aren’t asian more likey to reside closer to whites, but blacks although alot do live in white areas, I think most are still moreso segregated from whites, then there are cultural factors too.

  134. Just Thinking

    I think black women aren’t that into men because we have seen so many dysfunctional marriages and relationships that it isn’t something we want in our lives. Black men work harder to catch the woman of their choice and white men display interest and move on. Black women question this display of interest and back away because they feel that whatever it is they want is in their best interest and temporary.

    • Cindy Gones

      From by observations, there are just many as dysfunctional marriages in the white race as in black families. I have not seen any striking lights shining in the white families. I do not believe black men have to work so hard to obtain a white women. After all, the black man does not seek after women that has money. With that being said, black men do not have to work hard to have a relationship with white women..

  135. kev

    Ok well im a 18 year old white guy and my gf is 17 and black, she has always lived the high life really she not mean or nasty or “ghetto” none of that she really nice and smart and sweet and i am head over hills in love with her we have been together for 2 years now. after college as a man i can say that i do plan to marry her my whole family and friends love her her family and friends love me also. she my heart i would love to have a child or 2 with her. I think black ppl are like every other race some are good some are bad. before i dated her i never really had a real gf my own race treated me like shit! the girls only wanted to make me look like a fool my heart was broken many many times. But when she came alone i couldnt stop the feeling and the funny thing that i love about her is if she ever needs money ill give it to her but she bitches me out kinda and tell me no. which is too cute bc i know she be independent and sweet at the same time. sooo blk girls really are the shit! u just have to find the right one.

  136. iesha oh yeah

    May i just say that i am a black girl im only 17 yes but i can say that i find white guys very attractive. My 1st bf was white, and my bf now is white. i know we maybe young but we’re in love with each other. and to tell you the truth he doesnt see me as blk nor do i see him as white. Just as a man i fell in love with. I know we have far to go but this is most deff love. all my life i’ve been in private schools (all girl private schools) at that so when u see a boy ur really not like oh hes blk or white ur more like “omg its a boy how does my hair look” i think that the adults now are looking too much at color and not if so much as is he smart or a nobody. An for my fellow blk girls and weman not all white guys look at us and think “hmmmm is hse good in bed?”. I’ve had 5 bf in my life 3 2 were blk 1 was hs and the other 2 were white. I have not slept with any of them!. in fact belive it or not i am 100% a virgin. my bf i have now doesnt even ask about sex, yes we talk about once in a while but he doent care about that. He just cares about being with me. An i feel the same for him. So in the teenage view we dont care what color the guys or girl is we just want to know one thing. What time does outr date starts?.race dosent mean anything to us. and i think adults need to relize that its 2011 things are hard for us now. Now we kinda have to go to college and better our selfs. we see and notice how hard it is for u all. Belive me i’ve been going to all girl school since i was 7 and most ot the blk girls i come across want to go to college. Having a whole group of kids and being a nobody was sooo 2004. Since u guys are not making this better for us we 85% of us try to make it better for our own selfvis.(no disrespect btw) just saying.

    • Cindy Gones

      Your relationship is very rare. If I made add,Iesha, continue to remain a virgin until you are married. This is the plan coming from our creator.

    • Brandy28

      Right on Iesha.You are a smart girl indeed. Attraction shouldn’t be about race. Love definitely have no colors, its all about the heart.

  137. Ann

    Okay, “kev”, or “iesha oh yeah”, or whatever your username is….

    You post two separate comments under the same IP address, then you describe yourself as the following:

    Comment 1 (dated 6/21/2011 @ 10:58PM): “Ok well im a 18 year old white guy and my gf is 17 and black…..”

    Then you go off on a sexual reassignment tangent with the following comment:

    Comment 2 (dated 6/21/2011 @ 11:28PM): May i just say that i am a black girl im only 17 yes but i can say that i find white guys very attractive. My 1st bf was white, and my bf now is white…”

    You managed not only to change genders, but, also to change races. Wow. Either you are a white male or a black female, whatever the case may be, please make up your mind.

    Most of all, if you want to indulge in sock puppet behaviour, at least use a different computer. If all else fails, read my Sock Puppet post. Such actions will not be condoned. Another stunt like that and I will publish your IP address, capiche?

  138. White men with black women are not as common in America as you might expect, is the statement that starts this article. I believe in certain American rights, and so should every American. The Declaration of Independence states We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
    Unfortunately it granted that all “men” are created equal. Abraham Lincoln Introduced the Emancipation Proclamation which freed the slaves and made them men and women of America. I move on to the Equal rights amendment. in which women now have equal rights as men. In America Black women have the same rights as White men, which includes the pursuit of happiness. If a Black women does not introduce herself (or make the first move) to a White man then it is her fault. He might not be interested, or he himself might be shy, and if he is shy then that is his right. The statement was made, “white men (and men of other races, as well) will never know these black women if these so-called “men” do not grow some balls.” Women now have equal rights, the good and bad, so these Black Women need to grow the same “balls” as the White Men.

  139. Miranda

    All of this black/white nonsense is an American issue. The obsession with race is so shamelessly obvious everywhere on the internet. Complete and utter nonsense! I just hope the internet doesn’t help to spread this disease to other level-headed countries.

  140. Gloria musoke

    I really loved this thanks it’s really encouraged me as a black women to broaden me options wen finding the right guy I personally think men r men lm not picky with colour at all I have members of mi family that r married to white men and r happy.

  141. tina

    I think bw need to hone their wifely skills and image more, if that’s what they desire out of a relationship or in life. As a woman, you’re like a business in a way. You need to work on having a store front that looks classy and inviting and you need to offer products/services that are relevant of the high quality to prospective and/or existing customers. If you are not keeping up with trends nor offering quality products/services, then you will find your customer base dwindling out of existence to the degree that you need to close up shop. So, if it bothers you that wm aren’t into bw much for marriage, then learn how to market and cater to their needs and wants so that YOU can attract them in that way. It doesn’t matter if it’s not rampant and that a lot of other bw aren’t getting them. All that matters is that YOU know how to win them over as your preferred customer base. BW as a whole aren’t doing well these days so those bw who are competitive and competent enough to raise themselves above the fray will be held down and held back by others who don’t have the goods to thrive in this environment. They are the weakest, and there are many that way unfortunately. They haven’t been reared well enough to compete in this world, so they deserve what they get because of it. It’s unfortunate, but it’s always been about the survival of the fittest. Got it?

  142. Scott

    I am a white male and I have been in a relationship with a black woman for over five years now. We are not married or engaged, and to be honest at this point I have no intention of asking her to marry me any time in the near future. My reasons for this are 1) She has two grown sons who she still supports financially. 2) She still keeps things from me and when I ask her why she tells me, “It’s none of your business, it doesn’t have to do with you!”
    That’s it, nothing else. I love this woman very much, I enjoy her company, I love doing things together, we have fantastic sexual chemistry, and I would really like to spend the rest of my life with her. If she ever makes the decision to make her sons start standing on their own two feet, and begins trusting me enough to tell me about what is going on in her life, I will probably ask her to marry me. Until then, it’s not a black thing or a white thing, it’s just a relationship thing…

  143. Frank

    Oh! I have realy enjoy myself by u guy’s comment…wel am frank 4rm nigeria i don’t realy no what 2 say about this…but what i no is that weather u are white/black u should accept who u are and remember that in Gods eye we all are one.so the act of white not marrying the black.i don’t find anything speacial about that. But what i no is that let us not move along with this let it not bring hatred among us like my own uncle who base in USA married a white lady and they are living happly with there kids. like me now my mother is fair in colour so am i with my others brother and sisters and almost all girls am attract to are all fair in colour..so u black ladys if a white guy did not like u let it not give u sleepless nigth remember we are all in planet earth 4 one thing and that is 2 serve GOD…LOVE U ALL..

  144. Sherron

    i’m going to be honest, raw & real right now. The truth is a man chooses a woman based on #1 how she looks (how attracted he is to her) because no one can “see” your personality, or mental/spiritual traits upon 1st glance. You date, fall in love and then get married. That is the natural, correct order of a normal relationship. You will never love and then marry someone who you never initially asked out on a date. That being said, MOST white men do NOT think that black women are beautiful and sexy because MOST white men think that white women are the best women so they desire to have a white wife. The white woman is the ONLY woman that can give a white man a white baby. Therefore the white woman is very valuable to any white man who wants to reproduce a white child. Every other female wll always give the white man a “mixed” baby. The child will be a person of color or non-white. A white man who wants a white child that looks like him will marry and have babies with a white woman as his preferred choice. Yes, there are unmarried black women who would be great wives and mothers but why choose one of them when you can marry your first pick? (a white woman) Black men do not love themselves which is why so many of them desire to dilute thier genetics by having mixed children with nonblack women so that their children will not have the same skin color and hair texture that they themselves have (which they hate) It is the permanent result of racism. White women were made into the symbol of beauty, femininity while black women were disrespected, abused, used and treated worse than dogs by white men and everyone else, including now black men.Thats y so many black women are unmarried because no one values them including black men whose actions show their preference for a nonblack wife. Black women are the most rejected and unloved women on earth. Sad, but true.

    • Brandy28

      I agree with what you said. I think black women are seriously undervalued and that black hair is seen as ugly because it is not like white hair, but I love my black hair, it’s beautiful to me. It trips me out how a woman or man will say that baby has good hair because the hair is straight, or doesn’t need grease or water to manage it. I think that God gave us this hair for a reason and it’s beautiful. People should love themselves before they can love anyone else. Your perspective, how you treat others and what ethics you are raised with is a reflection of self. If you need to get a trophy wife or husband to make your self feel worthiness, then you need to seek psychological help.

  145. Eric e

    As a black man…attractive…nice body…educated. I would have to say to each’s own.I havent had any problems with any race of woman .BW should be more open minded.There is someone for every one. Get in where you fit in. Get a clue men…Bottom line,power to be used respectfully is in the “MONEY”…no matter what color you are. Women are simply going to that paper no matter what….

  146. Janessa K.

    I am a 45 year old educated open minded black female engaged and about to be married to my 2nd white man, first marriage lasted about 11 years w/ 3 biracial children. My fiancee is a college educated professional who is open minded and caring who I love with all my heart. And our families are fine with all of this too.

    • Sherron

      that is wonderful FOR YOU but it still doesn’t change the fact that you (& other black women) like you are THE MINORITY, in other words, you are the exception not the rule, MORE black women are unmarried than married, statistics tell the truth so for every one black woman happily married to a white man there are 40 (or more) unmarried black women alone without a husband

      • Cindy Gones

        That is so true Sherron.Thank you for sharing the statistic.I see a lot of white women who are married to black men are not very happy,

  147. KittyMay5717

    Why I find white men repulsive? Everywhere I have come in contact with a white man they have been the most disrespectful humans on the planent. It’s very rare for a white man to hold the door open as a gentleman for a black woman. I have had so many circumstances of white men pratically running me over. I have found that white men still secretly have a crush on black woman but are COWARDS in showing the world how they really feel. Black woman dispise weak men and this is why they continue to not be interested in men of other races. Men of other races most show more than being physically attracted to a black woman you must show you are not afraid of what your parents would think, being disowned from your racist friends and family, possibly being taken out of your families wll. This type of action is what makes a man strong versus weak. Weak men are very unattractve in everyway so White men if you want black women to want you you need to be strong and fearless. Most white men are wimps and this is why black women are not attracted to them. I went out with a white guy years ago and on our date I black man yelled out something to him and I thought he was going to run and leave me he was so scared. Black women have needs of wanting a man that would protect them with their life and not be left in tough times by running to their white communities. I would only open myself up to a strong man that’s not afraid no matter what the race and this has happen to only be black men. This is why white women are attracted to black men because they are more masculine they are more likely to not run. Frankly if you are afraid of approaching me in the first place you definitely are not strong enough to endure the sacrifice of dating interracially.

    • Cindy Gones

      I applaud you for bringing out such strong points. I definitely would not feel safe with a whim. White men must learn to be fearless and stand on their own two feet. I think white women feel safe with a black man. What women would not want a knight and shining armor who will protest her..

    • Dole

      not sure if you realized, but you’re incredibly racist. wow.

  148. ROE

    WHTES SHOULD NOT BE WITH BLACKS ….THEY CANNOT BRING THESE WOMEN, INTO WHTE NEIGHBORHOODS! WE WHITE WOMEN THINK THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!GETTO WOMEN TRASH EVERTHING! SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE!!!! WHITE MALES WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!! THESE BLACK WOMEN WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!!!!

  149. ROE

    BLACK WOMEN SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM WHITE MALES! THEY ONLY KNOK UP THESE WOMEN AS SLAVES!!!!!!!

  150. Jeff

    As for the rant against whites in the day long speech from the person at the to there…… It seems to me she’s angry towards whites. Maybe that’s a great reason why white men who think for themselves do not want black women. Slavery,segregation …… Really….? Get over it. It’s 2011. No black person alive ever was a slave or their grandparents and so on. Personally I don’t find many black women’s appearance or attitudes to be attractive. That’s not racist. That’s just the truth hate it or not. It’s as the black people feel their owed something. I mean I don’t feel I owe them anything. Tax dollars is all they will get from me through all of their special programs to support them. There’s more than skin color in the differences between whites and blacks. It’s a complete physical mental genetic and spiritual difference between us. Let’s be honest. The overwhelmingly percentage of blacks speak like ignorant animals and are loud rude and dirty minded. So as a person am I not allowed to say I don’t like that? Or am I supposed to feel sorry for them being suppressed years and years ago. The Jews were being exterminated and where slaves and you don’t see them with a chip in their shoulder hating the world. My opinion is my opinion. It’s not racist. Its just the truth. I don’t “and shouldn’t” feel bad for saying I’m not attracted to crude loud ignorant angry people. Also. As a white man I’m not attracted to black women. Their just not on any level something that I recognize as attractive as my own kind. And if she wants to blame whites…. Look at the black men… They would kill just to get their hands on white women and not black women so who’s to blame really. Black women are just not that attractive as whites. Not to be hurtful but lets just honest.

    • Cindy Gones

      Jeff a lot of white women would not find you attractive because they love black men. All race of people have some fault. For example, molestation is extremely high with the white male. Since you are pointing your one finger at black people, three fingers are pointing back at you. Remember this, White women will kill to be close to a black man. (The same women would not do that for you.)

    • slice

      @Jeff

      You’re racist and you’re full of s***. It’s not that black folks haven’t gotten over slavery, but the fact is is that the racism it produced is STILL here to this very day. And it is WHITE people that keep pushing it and have ALWAYS pushed it to claim that they are better that everyone else. Black people are HUMAN BEINGS, just like you—not some damn animals. Whatever—you’re clearly a racist ignorant troll—so you’re not attracted to black women,fine–but that sure as hell dosen’t give you the right to just come on a black woman’s blog and disrespect us!

      You’re just spouting the same ignorant.racist BS I’ve seen so many times over the years—what special programs are your tax dollars going to for black people? We WORK and PAY TAXES too, you are stupid. And contrary to what you believe, even some black men don’t think white women are all that, which they aren’t. I wouldn’t even recognize a lowlife,worthless,racist white bastard like you as anybody worthy of MY notice,anyway. The only reason white people are perceived as all of that
      is because they slammed all this self-hate into black people during slavery, and they haven’t let up with it since. So what if you weren’t alive during slavery or your family never owned slaves? Get THIS straight—you are STILL benefitting off of WHITE PRIVILEGE because you live in a majority white country, meaning you will ALWAYS have a leg up over people of color simply BECAUSE you’re white, not because you’re particularly smart or special or anything. We will get the hell over slavery and other wrongs done to us in the past when ignorant,racists like you who think they’re entitled to every damn thing just because they’re white GET over their racism and the whole white supremacy BS.

      Do you even KNOW any black people? You sound like some young white punk who just wants to prove how much of an a*****e he can be by hurling the most vile insults imaginable at black folks–something you wouldn’t have the damn guts to do in real life, so go crawl back in your armchair, you two-bit Internet wankster.

  151. F. Hossain

    Human man being should be considered same; white or black or so on.

  152. Zack

    Hello everyone!
    I am a 49 year old, white, male. I have been married to a wonderful women (she is black) for 23 years. Why don’t white men date more black women? That is a great question. I don’t know the answer. I can tell you what my concerns were.

    I grew up in an area that was 99% white. I never even considered an interacial relationship. When I joined the navy I was exposed to many marriages that were interacial. I still dated inside my race. Then….I met my wife while stationed in Kings Bay, GA. We hit it off and had many of the same interests. I never thought about dating a black women due mostly to the stereotype that was broadcast over the media. I did not think that a balck lady and I would have much in common. I was wrong!

    Now its 23 years later and it has been a great marriage. I have two sons serving in the military and two great daughters. Bottome line…..date based on the person. You wont go wrong.

  153. Margie

    1st of all people are individuals. There are blacks that are only attracted to blacks and whites that are only attracted to whites then there are people that are attracted to people of a different nationality and there is nothing wrong with any of it . For the so called “adults” that have stooped to being insulting simply because you are not attracted to a particular race of people , you are showing your ignorance big time. It is no prize to have a “white” man as a husband…just as it is no “prize” to have any other nationality as a mate. If you are attracted to whomever and that person is attracted to you then with something called “respect” go for it. If it ends in love and it leads to marriage …to hell` with what anyone else says…be happy. (and for the small-minded person that wrote of black women’s unattractiveness to him because of our wide noses and nappy hair ?…some of us don’t think you are attractive with your beak-like noses, your long waist, short legs or absence of butts but hey but that’s just me.

  154. Brandy28

    I find white men attractive. I had a first crush on this guy when I was about 13. He was so cute. Like a teddy bear only with peachy colored skin, beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even know he liked me. He wrote me a letter and told me he liked me in it and then asked me to go out with him. However, he told me not to tell anybody that he and I were going out. My guess is because I was teased in school because of my dark skin. I didn’t understand much at that age and went out with him. By the end of the day everybody I knew knew we were going out. How? His cousin, who I couldn’t stand by the way, found out and then spread the word and it was a mess. I remember one of the guys asking me in school if I was going out with a white guy. I said yes, why? They didn’t say anything, just shrugged and then that was it. Anyhow, the day relationship didn’t last because for some reason, probably scared, he broke up with me and that was the end of us. I have dated a lot of white men and maybe a couple of black men I have been interested in. It’s not that I’m not interested in black men, it’s just they rarely approach me and I don’t know why. I’m pleasant and a good conversationalist and I also am on my senior year of criminal justice. I don’t mock black men or put them down. I’m actually a pretty good women, but I have always been attracted to white men. Now though as I get older, I find myself being wary of men in general because I feel as a black woman I am not treated right. I don’t tolerate a man walking all over me and I do speak my mind. I’m not harsh, nor do I speak really loud or obnoxious. It seems that all of the men I’ve dated would take me back if I allowed them back in, but I want a man that will respect me and love me and care for me the way a woman should be no matter what his race is. Now responding to this article, I think there is some merit to it, however, I have never had an issue with a white guy approaching me. As a matter of fact they seem to be intrigued by me. I wear my hair natural and I am petite, but when I look at them I don’t see their color, it’s the character that counts. Currently, I am dating an older white male and I am trying to decipher what his intentions are. To be honest, I don’t know why white men don’t marry black women. I feel that black women have always been stepped on and disrespected before other women. As a woman who’ve dated outside of her race, black, Mexican and white. I think that black women are undervalued. Why? I have no clue. It doesn’t make since to me. I don’t like the man who stereotypes black women, because we are not all the same. There are a lot out there who prefer black men. I have friends that do, however, their decisions don’t reflect my own. I love men. They are beautiful creatures to me from the top of their heads to the soles of their feet. I’m glad God made me a woman.

  155. Dole

    it’s because they’re mostly obnoxious, uneducated and to be blunt, ugly.

    • Justin

      Well you must be living in a strange location because black women are sexy and behave a hell of a lot less obnoxious than the air-heady white chicks I see.

  156. billyblanks

    some people just think black people are less attractive, simple fact

  157. you sound sour about life

    I didnt feel like reading through all the comments, but i feel like i really need to stress the one point everyone overlooked, lack of good looks in black women.

    it’s all about looks. us men (any race) will put up with some extremely nasty women if we think they are attractive, so the whole loud and obnoxious argument goes out the window. plenty of excessively loud and obnoxious, but very beautiful, white women that have tons of white male attention. but if you arent extremely attractive and chances are all the above posters are not, maybe the whole sugar attracts bees concept should be given a thought or two. unattractive, loud, and obnoxious? pass.

    black women that get lots of attention generally look like very tanned whites, like halle barry. all these comments from black women trying to read into the history and the mind of white men as to why they arent getting asked out sound pretty desperate and jealous, scorned. want to get with a white guy? here’s an idea if you dont look like a tanned white, find out what they like and change YOURSELF to suit them. oh you think that’s racist? too bad, it’s not. dont be short sighted because your feelings are hurt. anyone that wants anything in life needs to adapt themselves to get it if it’s not coming to them.

    get over yourselves and stop crying.

    • slice

      @yousound

      Your advice is stupid,dumb,useless, immature and racist. I see dark-skinned black women get attention for white boys ALL the time, as well as from other non-black men—and no self-respecting woman of ANY color is going to change herself completely for some man who probably won’t give a damn about her anyway. Reality check—sure the so-called beautiful white women might get all of the attention, but even white men get tired of women like that, especially because they tend to be way too much drama. Nobody’s gonna kiss your ass forever just because you’re a pretty white woman.

      Also, the only reason you think black women are unattractive is because you’re had the white beauty idea shoved in your face your whole life,period, and been taught to believe that only white women are beautiful,l which is some BS, because they don’t have the market corned on beauty any damn way. Now,shut your pie-hole and go do some research on black history, you ignoramus racist!

    • Serenity

      I agree. Most of us women are really sounding and looking desperate in the world. “why wont a white man look at me?” is the most desperate and demeaning question we can ask ourselves. My worth is not based on if a white or other race of man wants me. These women really do embarrass me.

  158. rro

    Get over it. So get over it. No amount of talk or laws will ever change my mind. If you do not stand for something, you will fall for anything.

  159. zerogee4me

    I tried to date a black woman I met at church. She is beautiful, thin, educated, and childless in her 30s, with conservative values. A rare find. However, she has communication issues. I still do not know why she wouldn’t date me. I asked her, again and again. She would not tell me. She stopped coming to church even after I told her I would leave her alone. The only thing I can surmise, is that she is a racist, because she DID tell me she votes against her conscience. No, I’m not a crazy stalker. I’m fit, educated, and well employed. I can tell you this: I will NEVER go for a black woman again. The shiftless, irresponsible, immoral, sperm donors that are, unfortunately, ALL of the black men I know, without exception, are welcome to their “sistas.” I see no difference with you. I have witnessed that blacks are the ones who make, and keep, racism an issue. You marginalize your own people when they don’t toe the party line. You hold everyone ELSE to a moral standard you don’t keep yourself. AND you suck “the Man” for all you can get. I see this EVERY DAY.
    Sorry for the rant.
    Thanks for reading.

    • slice

      @zerogee

      So you dismiss all black women because ONE stopped taking to you? Why is it when white people meet ONE black person that pisses them off or does ONE thing that disappoints them, they always get mad and want to hate ALL black people because of that ONE black person that pissed them off? That’s so stupid, immature and dumb, because you haven’t MET all black people, so how the hell can you say we’re all alike? No, dear, it’s WHITE people who have perpetuated racism for as long as this country has existed because they have BENEFITTED from it more than anyone else/used it against black people/people of color to keep everything for themselves,, because they SET it all UP for themselves. Stop getting it twisted,like you arrogant whiny white privileged racists who just who learned the whole damn world dosen’t revolve around you because you’re a white man!

      i agree that she could at least had the common courtesy to tell you that she wanted to break things off,but,unfortunately, some people just aren’t considerate enough to do that. But, instead of getting mad because your little ego got hurt and dogging out black men (yeah, right–you don’t know ANY useless,immoral,shiftless, white male sperm donors? I don’t believe that for one damn minute.) Get over it and talk to someone else—-there’ more than one fish in the sea.

      “I can tell you this: I will NEVER go for a black woman again. The shiftless, irresponsible, immoral, sperm donors that are, unfortunately, ALL of the black men I know, without exception, are welcome to their “sistas.” I see no difference with you. I have witnessed that blacks are the ones who make, and keep, racism an issue. You marginalize your own people when they don’t toe the party line. You hold everyone ELSE to a moral standard you don’t keep yourself. AND you suck “the Man” for all you can get. I see this EVERY DAY.
      Sorry for the rant.
      Thanks for reading”

      Um, I don’t even know who the hell you are, so why the hell are you aiming all that BS at me. Who the hell is this “you” you keep speaking of? And, like I said, racism is an issue because WHITE people have always made it a damn issue for damn near everybody else that ISN’T white—any look at a history book will tell you that—that’s how it’s ALWAYS been in this country, and still is, Black people live regular lives just like anybody else—I’m sick of these stupid stereotypes we’re always getting slapped, as if white people are so damn perfect they don’t ever do the same s*** everybody else does. Whatever—I’m done!

    • lovely lady

      Hmmm sounds like she was just not that into you and was childish and did not know how or did not want to tell you she didn’t like you or wabt to deal with you. It would be ignorant for you to write off all black women because one rejected you. Based on the nasty comment you made about black men and the snarmy “sista’s” comment it sounds like you have some personal demons you need to pray about, maybe talk to your pastor about your racist feelings. I can tell you that I dated a few white guys before I met my husband who is a white man and some of them I like and some I didn’t. Not everyone that you like is going to like you, grow up. There were plenty of white guys that I liked that no matter how hard I tried would not give the time of day. Had I decided to write off all white men based on their behavior I would have never met the wonderful man I have been married to for the last 8 years.

  160. anonemouse

    First of all serve those people right for chasing after a white man, wake up and smell the coffee, no one like black people to begin with, so stay within you race and you wont get insulted by others around you. Black men are out ther just waiting for love sisters give them a chance don,t abandon them. leave the other races of men alone that,s why you face these problems they don,t care about us your if you live or die they all want us all dead anyway just because a white man smiles with you, don,t mean he likes you beware of him. too many chocolate men to worry about others.

  161. melilah

    whom- ever he is think just because hes white she should have jump at the chance to be with a WHITE MAN, she did not want YOU!!!!! get over it…

  162. Daphne

    I am a caucasian woman and I have repeatedly dated black men throughout the past. I have a 18 year old daughter by a man who is black/hispanic. He passed away 8 years ago but before his death I once asked him why he never dates black women. He told me it is because they have an attitude problem. I have to agree with him. I have found black women to be arrogant, loud, obnoxious and bossy. I haven’t come across one black woman who isn’t that way. I have noticed they tend to treat the men they date horribly. Maybe if they learned to be nicer white men as well as black men would be more willing to date them.

    • slice

      @Daphne

      Part of the reason black women have an attitude problem is because we’re had all these racial stereotypes getting thrown at us from day one since we’re been in this country, we’re expected to put up with more s*** than the average woman, and we’re always being told that something is wrong with us simply because we’re BLACK, and we damn sure can’t change that. After a couple of centuries of being told some bull**** that you’re not attractive because you’re dark-skinned, that you’re too strong, that white women are always put on a damn pesdestal simply because they’re white, fighting nearly 500 years’ worth of discrimination to this day, getting dismissed,overworked ad treated like s***, hell, yeah, you’d have an attitude. And some brothers will tell you anything to justify why they don’t date black women, and for your information, we’re not all alike. How can you judge ALL black women by just the ones YOU’RE met? Have you met all the 38 million of us in the U.S.? No, you haven’t—-I’m sick of white poeple alway claiming that just because they’re met a handful of black people are a certain way, then ALL black people are THAT way? Get the hell out of here with that BS.

  163. go to the website

    I don’t write many remarks, but i did a few searching and wound up here AND JUST WHY DO SO FEW WHITE MEN MARRY BLACK WOMEN? (AND THAT GOES FOR MEN OF OTHER RACES AS WELL) | BEAUTIFUL, ALSO, ARE THE SOULS OF MY BLACK SISTERS. And I actually do have some questions for you if it’s allright.
    Could it be simply me or does it appear like some of the responses appear like written by brain dead folks? :-P And, if you are writing on other sites,
    I’d like to follow anything new you have to post. Would you list of the complete urls of your communal pages like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?

  164. Augustine

    whoah this blog is wonderful i really like studying your posts.
    Keep up the great work!

  165. Shanice

    White men should just realize that black women are like any other women, and they can make good wives and mothers. Getting to know a person and listening to them opens up a world of opportunity to understand that person, and so it goes with how white men approach and relate to black women.

  166. nunya

    White guys prefer white women because they are attractive. Very simple. I am a white guy and would rather date a black girl vs. an Asian because I think an attractive black women is much sexier than Asian girls. Problem is their are very few black women as attractive as say rihanna. On the flip side attractive white women are a dime a dozen. Now I realize this comes down to personal preference but I can assure you most men (not just white guys) will prefer soft facial features and well proportioned faces. Another thing that makes white men less likely to date black women is environment. As we grow up we choose our partner from the pool oUnfortunatelyople we are surounded by. Many white families have greater resources than blacks therefore they tend to choose neighborhoods that are simply too expensive for the majority of black families. This causes a natural segregation that only becomes cemented with time. As we grow older we go off to college and again find 10 times as many whites as blacks at higher learning institutions. Education, maturity and tact become increasingly important as we move from college to a professional career. By this point, given all the factors a typical white man will be attracted to, we are left with a very small pool a black women to choose from. It becomes much easier to find an attractive women who possesses all the qualities from other races. Unfortunately the tactics used by the US government to oppress the black community over the past 60 years has been very successful. A cultural acceptance of ignornce is now the standard amongst poor inner city blacks and anyone who trys to better themself is ostracized from their community for being an uncle tom or trying to sound white if they speak with proper grammar and enunciation. Again factors that only further the rift between white men and black women.

  167. Russell

    As a white man, I have known many different women – black, white, Asian, etc.- and I have found that black women are just the same as any other woman: good, bad, attentive, selfish, selfless, loyal—just about any characteristic you can find in any woman.

    My wife who is black, has been the biggest joy to me. Only because I was willing to see past skin color and get to know her. And as a result, she has been a wonderful wife to me and mother to our two daughters.

    In the end, it matters only how you both will treat each other, and what you, as a man, are willing to see.

    I saw the good in my loving wife, and I have not looked back since.

  168. The answer to this question is simple, 400 years of Eurocentric fake white/black division & indoctrinated racism. In every dark country the so called “white race” when they first arrived laid down with black women, many times by force but also many times through consent. They also where at times when allowed married, but once “white supremacy” was introduced & the myth of the “white race” concocted, blacks where made the enemy or property of the said “white race”. What resulted was then 400 years of brain washing through every device available to the dominant culture to reduce dark skinned peoples to non-humans, and thus both whites & blacks became conditioned into the associating beauty only with the European female.

    Therefore a “white male” can ever only view a black women from position of supremacy, and therefore an object for his sexual gratification, but not an equal or superior worthy of marriage. Thus “white males” love to watch hip hop hoes, interracial porn and flying to Asian & African countries to procure impoverished women for sexual gratification. But will always fly home to their “white women” who deserves the house with the picket fence.
    We even have their privileged pasty asses turning up here to inform us of why they wont marry our women, because they aren’t attractive enough like Rhianna) as if of course their ugly pale ass deserves to have a fine black lady. The narcissism & privilege of “whites” is so far beyond normal mental reasoning to conceive, that its taken me 40+ years & I still only get 10% of their f**kedupedeness.

    Its such a shame to see my fellow black people so afflicted with this overwhelming desire to look appealing to these pencil nosed European oppressors, because they cant see the beauty & diversity we enjoy amongst our African roots. But such is the overwhelming power of “white supremacy” and its seductive genius that it could lure an entire people to hate how they look, and want bond with those who continue to reinforce that self-hatred. Yet another sick and unnatural mental state inflicted on us by association with the European who internally love & despise themselves so much that they deem life worthless unless it generates wealth & material gains.

    & BTW there is plenty of black women who have no interest in marrying white men at all, which is most likely contributing to the low % of white male/ black female marriages. But again “white supremacy” dictates that it must be the “white people” choosing not to marry black women, see how pervasive their brain washing is yet?

    MODERATOR: Waronblack you made the following comment: We even have their privileged pasty asses turning up here to inform us of why they wont marry our women, because they aren’t attractive enough like Rhianna) as if of course their ugly pale ass deserves to have a fine black lady.” When leaving comments on my blog, refrain from disparaging remarks such as these. It is possible to get your point across without demeaning an entire racial group.

    Read my Comment Policy.

    Thank you.

  169. Conrad

    In America the image of black women is of wanton, loud, and negative. No doubt as a result of sexual negatives created during slavery by white men. But in 2013 a man should be interested in how happy a woman can make him, not on what her race is.

  170. Anna

    Many white men are terrified of what others may think of them when seen with a white woman. So many of them don’t have the guts to publicly love a black woman. Maybe the reason so few white men marry black women is because all white men are interested in is sex with a black woman and nothing more.

  171. Atticus

    OK people, it’s real simple:

    Man sees woman.

    Woman sees man.

    They get to know each other and go from there.

    The End.

  172. Net

    Well, white guys do love thin black ladies. One thing about Black women, they are honest and strongly in bed. Most of Black women treat a man with full respect. They are friendly and loyal to relationship and marriage. They believe in God and try to be good ones. They are intelligent.

  173. Trond

    As a native of Norway, I can honestly say that a woman is a woman, the world over. Talking to a woman, getting to know her, and understanding her is what sets the relationship going. How you treat each other is paramount above race, nationality, or any other difference.

  174. Cell

    I am married to a beautiful and loving black woman. She is a wonderful mother, great wife and the best friend I have ever had in my life. My relatives made life a hell for me as I was growing up, but until she came into my life, I never knew I could trust—and love—a person as much as I love her.

    I am thankful that I mustered up the courage to talk to her and not listen to the naysayers who wanted to destroy the happiness I have.

    I could still be spinning in the wind, but my life is full with this lovely lady by my side.

  175. Lovely

    To African Beauty.

    hmmm I must of offended you personally in my post. Was it the over weight comment?? Or maybe it was the too many kids?? or maybe you are just unattractive and single. Either way you are CLEARLY BITTER.

  176. ROE

    HUM , YOU SOUND INTELLIGENT! WOULD LIKE TO HEAR MORE FROM YOU!

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