A few weeks ago Abagond ( http://abagond.wordpress.com ) put up a post entitled “Why So Few White Men Marry Black Women”. Here is an excerpt of his post:
“White men with black women are not as common in America as you might expect. Even though an eighth of American women are black, fewer than one married white man in 400 has a black wife! That cannot be an accident. Compare that to how many have Asian wives: about one in 100 – even though there are way fewer Asian women.
Given the numbers of white, black and Asian women there are in America and looking at who white men marry, you can work out how much they like different kinds of women as wives:
- 132: white women
- 100: American women in general
- 23: Asian women
- 2: black women
So why do so few white men marry black women?
Here are some reasons that you hear:
Read the rest of the post here: http://abagond.wordpress.com/2008/06/25/why-so-few-white-men-marry-black-women/
I commented on his post, and I re-post my anwers today in response to his questions, and my answers to some of the comments made by other posters. I gave my reasons as to why so few white men seek out, date, interact with, and marry black women. I say there are two reasons why white men do not marry black women: that black women represent some form of unbridled sexual workhorse good enough only to lay up withand abandon or that white men treat black women as invisible and not worthy of human consideration. In response to Abagond, and other posters who comented on his post, I responded to a white man who stated that black women should make the first move, I responded to a black woman (married to a white man) who commented on distorted perceptions many people have towards and against black women, and in the end, I exhorted black women to live life to the fullest, no matter who the man was who came into their lives who sought to give them happiness.
Here are my comments:
——————————————————————
- Ann Says:
Thu 26 Jun 2008 at 23:10:22 ANY man who waits for a woman to make the first move is a coward, pure and simple.As for going to nightclubs, not all black women frequent nightclubs. Many attend live plays, movies, museum exhibits, festivals, concerts—their interests range the whole gamut of what any normal person would do. What is wrong with saying a simple, “Hello”, to a black woman?There are black women who have high morals, good educations, varied interests—–but, white men (and men of other races, as well) will never know these black women if these so-called “men” do not grow some balls and simply speak to the woman.And as for the lie that many black women are unapproachable—that is all it is: a lie.Black women are no more unapproachable than any other woman, but, if you as a black woman are ignored, treated as INVISIBLE, walked past, looked past, why should you waste your time on a race of men, or embarrass yourself, by running after a race of men who do not recognize not only your beauty, but also do not recognize your humanity?Women DO NOT chase after men. MEN approach women, that is if they are real men. Men make the effort to get to know the woman. Many women (no matter their race) ARE NOT raised to chase after men. Many women are painfully shy and many are reserved, and that does not mean the woman is a Sapphire or unapproachable. Many women respect themselves, and many women are reserved and retiring. Any man who has a problem with all of the aforementioned is a problem himself.As for dating.Dating AND marriage are not the same thing. Anyone can go on a date, but, to the men reading my words, would any of you have the guts OR respect to put off asking for sex with a woman if she declined, say, 6 months after dating? Would you respect a woman who is a virgin/celibate and she wishes to remain that until she is married—-or would you drop her as if she is some bad disease if she does not jump into bed with you?Facts have to be faced. White men have been indoctrinated AGAINST black women for over 450 years.
Four hundred plus years of
-Slavery
-Viciousness of white male racism/sexism during Reconstruction
-Segregationwill do that.
Not to mention the horrific stereotypes that WHITE MEN gave black women, you know, the lies and abominations that so many white men (and many men of other races, as well) are so willing to believe.
Yes, segregated lives do preclude WM and BW from crossing paths more often, but, then again is that the fault of black women? Did black women create white supremacy? Did black women create Jim Crow? Did black women create and maintain American slavery? Did black women create wage disparity where for every $1.00 a white man earns, black women earn $0.66 out of every dollar?
Do black women benefit from when Affirmative Action WAS WHITE (the way millions of white men did)? (And still do.)
Do black women own and proliferate the world with racist/sexist stereotypes of black women? Do black women own Forbes magazine, Time, Newsweek, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, FOX NEWS? Do black women cram down people’s throats 450 years of lies and hate, the legacy of which IS STILL WITH THIS COUNTRY?
I believe we all know whose feet we can lay that blame at.
Many white men who worry about what their family or friends think are not men. A real man goes for what he wants out of life. The rest of the world be damned. What, wait for friends and family to come around? Be prepared most of you to be waiting for forever.
Will your so-called friends take care of you if you get sick? Will your so-called friends pay your bills if you lose your job?
And what the hell about the children?
Thanks to white men and their racist/sexist hatred of black women for over 450 years, black people as a whole are not a PURE-BLOOD RACE of people. Remember, it was white men who ran black women down, dogged them, raped them, and changed black people genetically and skin color wise. So, black people are really not black people. Black Americans are A mixed-blood, hybrid race of people. We have more genetically in common with American whites than whites do with Asians.
Children who are mixed blood suffer more from close family members who make life a hell for those children, and those so-called family members usually are the grandparents who do not accept the non-white spouse who married their white son/daughter.
Sorry for my harshness, but, millions of white men do not have the balls to consider black women as marriage material.
F**k-em material, yes, Wife–no.
There are many black women who are college-educated and highly intelligent. If you as a white man do not take the effort to strike up a conversation with her, how the hell will you learn anything about her? What, ESP? Vulcan-mindmelt?
And who are white men that so many of them think they are better than black women that black women should make the first move?
Do you white men demand this from white, Latina, Asian, etc., women?
Let me just take a guess and say, hell no, you do not.
No, let’s just all put everything on black women.
The whole world knows that black women have no feelings, black women are less than human, so why not give a damn about the fact that many black women simply just want to be treated as human beings.
Hell……
…….a black woman stands a better chance of being treated more respectfully in EUROPE than in the country of her birth.
And there are facts that bear that out.
Damn.
- Ann Says:
Wed 2 Jul 2008 at 21:08:15 “Also note most miscegenation laws that were created in this country were to prevent white men from having sex with black women, not the other way around, as most people seen to believe.”I agree, but, I will add more that it was the desire to keep wealth, property, and the legal name of the white father from black women and any children he fathered with her. Many laws were enacted against black people that affected black women more so than black men. Which is why the phrase, “Would you want your daughter to marry one”? has no feminine counterpart. It was expected that a black woman would be used by and abandoned by a white man, and that he would publicly disown his own mixed-blood children with a black woman.There were laws that would protect a black female from rape ONLY if she was UNDER 9 YEARS of age; any age over that and she and her family would have no legal recourse against rape, or any pregnancy that followed.Yes, many black women fear the advances of white men, but, what of the black women who do not?I agree with you that nasty behaviour has been done to black women by BOTH white and black men; not to mention men of other races as well.But, there are some black women who give not a damn what the BC says, nor do they allow the BC to demand that black women wait for their lives to end waiting on a black man.LOOK for a MAN is what I exhort black women to do. A man who will love, honor and cherish you. Black women need to get over this bullshit of “Nothing but a black man for me”, (sorry for the profanity.) That so many black women have publicly stated this has convinced many white men/men of other races, “Well, you must not want us all that much”. And if I was a man and I heard the phrase, “A white man can do nothing for me”, well, imagine a white man saying the same thing about black women. There would be an uproar!As for those BM who marry outside the so-called black community, many of them want to leave the burden of shouldering the BC on black women. There is nothing wrong with marrying outside of your race, just do not abandon the community that carried you on its back. Sadly, the BC takes black women for granted. As the late, great Zora Neale Hurston said in her epic, “Their Eyes Were Watching God”: ‘Black women are the mules of the world.’Well, I, and many black women were born into this world as baby girls, grew from girlhood to womanhood, and are human beings with all the rights to an abundant life. We are not mules, and we should never allow ourselves to told that we should take less in this world. If a MAN approaches you respectfully, DO NOT turn him away. Do not cast him aside because he is not black. The next time may be a long drought before another man gives you the time of day.As for what I call “The Nanny Syndrome”, there are black men who would marry a poor white woman with a high school degree before they would marry a black woman with a college Ph.D.
Many black men are so sure they will always be able to go to the “Well Of Black Women” as I prefer to call it.
One day that well will run dry. . . .IF black women finally decide to LIVE and stop putting their precious lives on hold.
Wonder what would happen if black women took a day off, similar to that Douglas Ward Turner play, “A Day Of Absence”?
God help the black community if black women did decide to do such a thing.
- Ann Says:
Wed 2 Jul 2008 at 22:01:35 I wish to clarify my last comment.The “Nothing but a black man”, comment was not meant to isult or demean the black women who desire to marry a black man. In the end one should marry whom they wish, but, facts of reality have to be faced.I deal in pragmatism. I am realistic with what the situation and facts present to me. With the numbers against black women (2-3 black women per black man); longer life spans than black men; the chances of being single LONGER than other races of women. . . . I just want to see black women happy and as much fulfilled as they can be in this country and this world.Black women have more than earned that right.One more thing.On the phrase, “Split dark oak”, that was and still is a demeaning and degrading phrase. It is no better than the other racist Southern saying: “A black woman, no matter how virginal and decent, was considered less than a white prostitute”.All across the American South, a white man was not considered a man UNLESS he laid down with and had sex with a black womam. In some even more putrid and bizarre racist belief, it was believed that if a white man (during slavery this practice was common), if he had an STD, and if he had sex with a young black girl, that this abominable act would cure him of syphillis or gonorrhea.Sick, yes.But, because of the lies/myths and stereotypes so many non-black menare willing to believe against black women, and because of the fears that black women have of white men’s advances, add the mass segregation of neighborhoods——and it is understandable that both groups (WM, BM) have no much distrust, as well as fear AND loathing of each other.Lack of contact and pernicious myths about each other further keep the divide between black women and white men as wide as the Grand Canyon.
And that goes for black women’s mistrust of men of other races, as well.
- Ann Says:
Wed 2 Jul 2008 at 23:28:54 “Wonder what would happen if black women took a day off, similar to that Douglas Ward Turner play, “A Day Of Absence”?God help the black community if black women did decide to do such a thing.”Sorry if I was not very clear.Unless one is familiar with the play, “Absence”, the black people took more than a day off, and the white community felt their absence detrimentally. The “Day” sretched into days, weeks, months. The white community realized how much they depended on the despised/taken for granted black people.The same thing would happen if black women were not to show up as expected.I agree that black women are the backbone of the black church, club/community organizations, etc. Without us, much in the BC would collapse if we stopped allowing ourselves to be used and abused.Much of black women’s depression/obesity/diabetes/heart problems/stress/hypertension is caused from the infamous “Strong Black Woman Myth”, and that hateful myth is killing us.Hell…IT HAS killed many of us.That so many have taken it for granted that black women will be their crutch to prop them up is what has sapped the lives from so many black women.Yes.
Demand the best from yourself, demand the best from others.
“So yes..often times she seemingly goes unappreciated, but much of that goes with knowing how to appreciate yourself and standing your ground; this is a hard thing to do for many black women, especially when it comes to their black man.”
Time for so many black women to euthanize the “Mammy” in them.
People are going to get all pissy when you stand your ground, but, black women will realize little by little the freedom, the joy, the exhilaration of taking full control of their lives. The black men, the BC, those outside of the BC will be weeping and wailing and gnashing their teeth——withdrawal symptoms always happen when the drug is withdrawn cold turkey.
But, the alternative is much worse.
I cannot help but wonder where black women would be now if they had not done so much for others at their own expense.
I also wonder where so many other people would be IF black women had left many people cut and dried so often the way so many people (BM, WM, WW, etc.) have done to black women.
Talk about a messed up world.
But, we are black women, unique among all women and people.
On the other hand, we owe ourselves a life—-no matter who gets mad about it.
No one can use you unless you continue to allow it, and one life is all you get a shot at in this world.
People are going to talk, and rail against you—-whether you are standing above ground—-or stretched out 6′ under.
Nothing new under the Sun.
Just go for the gusto, Black women!
Please.
Grab life by the horns and make it give you what you so rightfully deserve.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, readers, what do you think?
I would like to hear from my readers as to why they think so few white men (and men of other races, as well) do not marry black women. I would like to hear responses from black women, white men, black men, white women and men/women of other races/ethnic groups.
Keep your comments clean and respectful.
I am not above deleting comments I consider racist/sexist/or demeaning.
126 Comments
July 13, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Jul
Hi,
I was blown away by your article. I am a Caribbean black woman who had a brief affair with a white Dutchman in the 1980’s.
I felt secure in our relationship, it took place in Europe and we were not a “strange sight”. He was tall and blonde and I am fat and very dark.
I totally agree that the US society is not ready for the white man/black woman relationships as it seems to condone the successful black man (normally a basketball/football player or actor) and white groupie.
In my country we mix with all races, but the effect of slavery is still with us as the fairer skinned blacks are still seen as premium, naturally straight or slightly curled hair is also valued above the “nappy” head.
I am currently sharing sexual fantasies with a white american widower but as you said we might be good enough to date, have sexual encounters with, but marriage is in a completely different realm.
The day might come, in the not too distant future, when we as black women will be judged by the width of our minds and not our bra sizes, by the complexity of our conversations rather than by the tint of our skins and by how well we can help the men in our lives attain their goals rather than how close we resemble white women.
July 13, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Jul
U. Seregalia.
“I totally agree that the US society is not ready for the white man/black woman relationships as it seems to condone the successful black man (normally a basketball/football player or actor) and white groupie.”
Yes.
IF such a thing happens, then the paradigm will shift. But, it will probably be 10,000 to 15,000 years before America acknowledges the sublime beauty, inner and outer, of Black women.
Thanks for stopping by.
August 26, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Aug
Hi Ann,
If I recall correctly, you and I had an exchange on another forum about black women and white men as potential dating and married partners.
I will gladly offer comments again as I have plenty to say.
For now, I would like to offer this thought:
I think it would be great if we could somehow get three or four white men ( and yes, three to four black men too.) to offer their comments on their black wives (e.g. what attracted them to their wives, what they love best about their wives, the unique qualities their wives possess, their children together, etc.). The white men, in particular, are few, but they are out there.
I think it would be a unique accompaniment to the discussion you have above.
All the best,
Adam
August 27, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Aug
Hello, Adam.
I think your comment deserves to be made into a post in and of itself.
If you do not mind, I will post it today for comments/responses on what you suggested.
Thanks for stopping by.
August 27, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Aug
[...] following comments on my post, “And Just Why Do So Few White Men Marry Black Women?” http://kathmanduk2.wordpress.com/2008/07/08/and-just-why-do-so-few-white-men-marry-black-women-and-t... I felt it deserved a post to itself, so, here are the questions from Adam: [...]
August 27, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Aug
To be honest, I suspect that the resistence comes from black women for the most part. If we were more open minded, there’d be a lot more of us married out. It should also be said that very few black women would engage in sex with white men because of “bad images.”
August 28, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Aug
Does this resistance come from fear of white men having stereotypes about black women?
Because of the “bad images” created against black women during slavery/Reconstruction/segregation, passed down by white male to white male, many black women may fear that a white man is only seeking them out for sexual gratification.
And those stereotypes still hold sway with many white men (and men of other races as well) in this day and age.
Racist/sexist stereoyping is what white men did to black women for over 400 years, and for many black women, it is hard for them to overcome the fear of being used just because of their color/race.
There are some black women who are open-minded; but, some of them too, have horror stories to tell when they did let a white man into their life.
So, therefore, black women…and white men….are at a deadlock in the 21ST Century in whatever kind of relationship they might be able to cultivate with each other.
September 2, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Sep
Why have I never chosen a black woman for a wife?
That is easy, the black women I have met express no interest in me, thus, asking one of them to marry me is laughable!
I have met some very attractive and witty black women that have made me think “Oh yeah, she’s cute, definitely would date her”. But without mutual interest, there is no point in pursuing her.
If I had ever met a black women that I was attracted to that would treat me lovingly, be loyal without end, love my family, the children I have already, be a solid mother to my kids, be kind instead of quarrelsome like so many white women, believe me, a black woman as a bride would be just fine.
For as long as I am invisible to black women, there is nothing I can do to change the lack of white husbands for black women.
Apologies to the Black Women, you’re simply not interested in white men!
July 21, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jul
Youre Right Most of us arent>
September 2, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Sep
Dennis:
“But without mutual interest, there is no point in pursuing her.”
Withour mutual respect, understanding, and especially loyalty….there can be no relationship.
Fear of what will the BC thinks is ludicrous. The BC will not take care of you: your husband (black, white, yellow, red, brown) will be the one sharing your life.
“For as long as I am invisible to black women, there is nothing I can do to change the lack of white husbands for black women.”
Goes back to what I stated in my post when some black women state: “Nothing but a black man for me!”
But, then what if you are living around nothing but white men (say, Alaska), then what are you going to do? Suffer from denying yourself human companionship?
“Apologies to the Black Women, you’re simply not interested in white men!”
Some black women are interested in white men (and men of other races), but, they must let go of the fears they may have of white men. A woman can see if a man loves and honors her as a human being, if she cares to be honest with herself.
The same things that a black man can give a black woman: respect, fidelity, adoration and love. . . .are the same things that a white man, or man of another race can give a black woman.
“Invisible.”
Agreed.
No one wants their humanity to be invalidated.
No matter what their race/gender is.
Thanks for stopping by, and thank you for your comments.
September 3, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Sep
I think it is indeed a fear based on the stereotypes drilled into us by our families. It appears that most black families teach their daughters that white men want nothing from them but sex. On the other hand, we were also taught that most white men are racists who hate black men and black women. Therefore, it is tough for us to feel comfortable with them. That is the reason why I believe most black women will not get involved with white men. I’ve crossed the color line but I still can’t feel at ease with white men as a group. I think with this new found black female consciousness I notice among some of us, we are freeing ourselves from that. In other words, we are slowly realizing that white men aren’t so bad after all.
September 3, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Sep
LorMarie:
“In other words, we are slowly realizing that white men aren’t so bad after all.”
Yes, only men in the end afterall. . . .just as black women are women in the end afterall, as well. The good, and the bad.
Thanks so much for your comments, and thanks for stopping by.
September 20, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Sep
I honestly don’t believe that a lot of black women today are resisting white men anymore, for whatever reason. I have all my life went to an mostly white school, with about 10% of the people being black. I have had plenty of interaction with white males, as friends. They knew me, it was not a “we come from different worlds” situation. We all had a lot in common, however, I never dated one. Not one. Not through highschool, nor college. So I am not that convinced that the issue is life is so different between the two groups. I believe for the most part white men don’t want to deal with the issues (or so called issues) of dating or marrying black women. They want to keep their white priviledge and marrying a black woman is not the a way to do that.
The only groups of white men I know who did not mind marrying a black woman, were 1. the ones of lower (for lack of a better term “white trash”; not my words) status. I believe it was because they felt they had nothing to lose. 2. Italians who were known for their interest in black women, hence this being a little more accepted. and 3. Unattractive ones. I am sorry but I rarely see an attractive, white males with a black female. And usually the black female is very attractive. Why is that? Are our “best” good enough for their “worse”? I don’t think that is fair nor right.
Either way, I think it could be more useful if you added some white men who aren’t married to black women to you all’s conversation and ask “them” why they did not want to pursue a black woman.
To the poster, I loved your article, it was very real and insightful. I personally am not interested in waiting for a white man to come to his senses and realize the value in black women. I think it is just sad that we would ever have to. Black women are the strongest women I know. If ANY other race of women had to deal with the levels of rejection that we had to, they would fall apart and check out. So whatever happens in this life, I hope we black women atleast stick together and appreciate the worth in ourselves, that we know exists.
September 22, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Sep
Jennifer.
Thank you for your very truthful, but painful, comments.
“I believe for the most part white men don’t want to deal with the issues (or so called issues) of dating or marrying black women.”
Yes. Issues their forefathers created and maintained during slavery, Reconstruction, and Jane Crow segregation, and issues that still operate from the vestiges of white male hatred, contempt and villication against black women.
“They want to keep their white priviledge and marrying a black woman is not the a way to do that.”
Yes.
Also, they want to keep their children “white”, as well.
“Either way, I think it could be more useful if you added some white men who aren’t married to black women to you all’s conversation and ask “them” why they did not want to pursue a black woman.”
Excellent thought. I would surmise that the reasons for not marrying a black woman would be more numerous than the waves in the ocean, and just as pernicious.
“I hope we black women atleast stick together and appreciate the worth in ourselves, that we know exists.”
True.
More kindness, sisterly love, compassion, and patience with each other. More having each other’s backs.
God knows. . . .the rest of the world shows us so little respect of our humanity, in many ways.
Thanks again for your comments, and thanks for stopping by.
October 9, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Oct
As a handsome black lad,I’ve NEVER been able to discern
why so few black women date(or marry) white men.
We black dudes-especially yours truly-are ALWAYS after
a hot white chick,so why shouldn’t some “Brooke The
Bod” black babe go after a white boy?Plenty of interracial
couples are telegenic enough to be the bride and groom on
the wedding cake,so the dearth of black female-white
male couples puzzles me.
November 12, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Nov
@BraystreetBoy:
“….so why shouldn’t some “Brooke The
Bod” black babe go after a white boy?”
Why should the woman have to “go after the man”?
What is stopping the “man” from approaching and giving interest in the woman?
November 12, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Nov
In fairness, black men do mention that they are approached by white women (often). It is also said that Asian women approach white men. Personally, I see nothing wrong with approaching a guy if I like him (of another race). If some are uncomfortable, you could just try small talk and take it from there.
Unfortunately, black women have a reputation of being “for black men only.” Thus, many white guys won’t even bother to approach black women or “request” them at dating sites. Again, that is something I’m often told.
I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I prefer nonblack men. For the most part, I’ve been approached. I believe it’s due to the fact that my former religious worldview taught me that men are the ones to pursue. Not the other way around. Now, if I see a guy I’m interested in, I’ll “approach” LOL. It’s almost empowering.
November 12, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Nov
“In fairness, black men do mention that they are approached by white women (often). It is also said that Asian women approach white men. Personally, I see nothing wrong with approaching a guy if I like him (of another race). If some are uncomfortable, you could just try small talk and take it from there. ”
I do not doubt that Black men are approached by White women. True, White women do not have the baggage of being stereoyped as “loose” more than Black women if they approach a man of another race. Maybe that is what makes me more reserved with approaching any man. I have nothing wrong with a woman approaching a man, but, for me, “approaching” a man would consist mainly of saying “Hello, how are you?” or if in a grocery store, “Hey, you have good tastes in cooking oils (if he is seen buying Grapeseed Oil as opposed to buying Olive Oil).
For me, approaching a man would mainly be to speak to him if he is walking past me, (I do speak to and give eye contact to men of all races, that is, if there is eye contact from them in the first place). Just going up to a man and saying to him, “Hey, you are handsome, how’s about we go to a movie?”—–will not happen.
Now, if the man speaks to me and says “Hello”, I will speak back to him. If he says nothing more past that, it will be inconceivable to me to pursue him.
(I can’t help being that way—-guess that is the archaic, Stone Age approach I have in getting a man’s attention.)
As for the small talk, I am fine with that. But, once again, being very reserved, I will not “go after” the man if he shows nothing but a “Hi and Goodbye” response to me.
“Unfortunately, black women have a reputation of being “for black men only.”
Oh, really?
And these White/non-Black men who state this lie are experts on all Black women? They have come to the brainwashed conclusion that ALL Black women are for “black men only”? Men of other races have written Black women off just like the rest of the world has? Men of other races are now authorities on what Black women really want/desire out of this world?
I can only speak for myself.
I like MEN.
Period.
Not “White” men, not “Black” men, not men of “Other races”.
Men.
Men who will love me, not be ashamed to be seen in public with me, not leeching parasites, not irresponsible, not immoral.
Men.
“Thus, many white guys won’t even bother to approach black women or “request” them at dating sites. Again, that is something I’m often told.”
Hmm, well, if such a thing is true, then those are not real men. If you (by you, I mean men) go by what you THINK someone else is thinking, by what someone else told you about Black women, you cut yourself off from that person/Black women from the get-go.
How would a man know what I am thinking if he assumes the worst and will not even say “Hello” or engage me as a fellow human being?
If I can speak to men of different races (and you should see the faces on some of them when I give a pleasant “Hello” to many non-Black men; the looks of shock on their faces is ridiculous)—but, if I can speak to men of other races, then what is so frightening about that?
If I, a very reserved woman can at least speak to a man, what is so terrifying that a man of another race cannot do the same and speak to me, with just a simple common courtesy of “Hello”?
“For the most part, I’ve been approached.”
Now, that’s the kicker right there for some women. What kind of “approach” is occurring?
-”Hello, how are you?”
-”Hey, you are very nice-looking, may I speak to you?”
-”Hey, good-looking, how’s about coming up to my place?”
-Derisive catcalls, whistles, grunting, animal sounds?
-”Hey, baby, you look so fine, wanna be my lady?”
(And all of the above can be stated by all men, not just White men.)
Depends on the man’s approach.
“Now, if I see a guy I’m interested in, I’ll “approach” LOL. It’s almost empowering.”
I will agree, it is very empowering. It is no less empowering than going on a solo vacation by yourself, to a foreign country and enjoying yourself because you are determined to enjoy yourself—–and you do.
I see many men everyday of all races whom I would like to “approach”, but, my stoic, reserved mind puts up that Great Wall of Propriety.
Hmm.
One day. . . .
. . . .we…shall….see.
November 12, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Nov
And these White/non-Black men who state this lie are experts on all Black women? They have come to the brainwashed conclusion that ALL Black women are for “black men only”? Men of other races have written Black women off just like the rest of the world has? Men of other races are now authorities on what Black women really want/desire out of this world?–Ann
No. But unfortunately, we are all conditioned to live in this mentality called race. It affects us in all that we do. Personally, I’d like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I believe that black women are equally at fault in the dating game because many of us think too negatively (men don’t want us…etc.). The bulk of us are single because of what we believe not necessarily because we aren’t desired. I will say that what appears to be required of black women (who date out) is to be less culturally black. I notice a pattern with black women who date and marry exclusively men of other races. She’s genetically black but culturally white.
I like MEN.
Period.
Not “White” men, not “Black” men, not men of “Other races”.
Men.
Men who will love me, not be ashamed to be seen in public with me, not leeching parasites, not irresponsible, not immoral.
Men.–Ann
Nothing at all wrong with that. But come on, Ann. You must have a “type”, LOL. Everyone does. But I look at it this way. There are plenty of light skinned black women whom I’ve met over the years who only like dark skinned men. She’s often applauded for it (especially by black men, LOL). I’m just the opposite, a dark woman physically attracted to men with light skin just as there are plenty of men who have preferences.
“Hmm, well, if such a thing is true, then those are not real men. If you (by you, I mean men) go by what you THINK someone else is thinking, by what someone else told you about Black women, you cut yourself off from that person/Black women from the get-go.”
I personally would not brand them all as not being real men. Men have the right to be shy just like we are. It’s rejection they’re afraid of, not black women themselves. That is not to say that no white man is a racist.
It all boils down to this: I don’t like to see black women be so down about the dating state of affairs. There are plenty of openings if we let go of our fears.
November 12, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Nov
Lor-Marie.
Thanks for your comments.
“I will say that what appears to be required of black women (who date out) is to be less culturally black. I notice a pattern with black women who date and marry exclusively men of other races. She’s genetically black but culturally white.”
So, a Black woman who marries a non-Black man MUST *mentally/culturally” leave her “blackness” behind to be his wife? Only Black women are required to give up a part of themselves to get a man in their lives? I like live plays, opera, jazz, classical guitar. I also love reading and learning about my history, as well as other racial group’s history. Must I give that up as well to get a husband? I like Black foods and cooking, Black music and hairstyles. Must I give that up to get a man? (Just asking, OK?)
Have not Black women had much taken from us through the centuries without us having to give up more? Can I at least be myself—intelligent, witty, moral, responsible, loyal? Is that not enough for a non-Black man? Can he not accept my being a Black woman as well as my love for him?
“Nothing at all wrong with that. But come on, Ann. You must have a “type”, LOL. Everyone does. But I look at it this way. There are plenty of light skinned black women whom I’ve met over the years who only like dark skinned men. She’s often applauded for it (especially by black men, LOL). I’m just the opposite, a dark woman physically attracted to men with light skin just as there are plenty of men who have preferences. ”
Nothing wrong with preferences. As for what I like. . . .
One day it is Italians.
The next, it is Chinese (though not the Yao-Ming basketball type. I prefer Chinese men who are my height and build—-short, slender, cute face, darling eyes (Hey, I never said I had a small ego
Other days, I prefer “Blond hair/deep dark—ocean blue eyes.
Then in the next minute, luscious dark chocolate-brown eyes, jet-black hair, ripped bodies.
What can I say.
I. . . .like. . . .MEN
“I personally would not brand them all as not being real men. Men have the right to be shy just like we are. It’s rejection they’re afraid of, not black women themselves. That is not to say that no white man is a racist.”
Oh, alright, I will concede that some men are afraid of rejection. But, so too, are women. Men do not own a monopoly on rejection. Women do have feelings just like men do.
What I am saying is that if I want to speak to someone, I speak to them. No hemming, no hawing, no stuttering. But, that is my way. If I want you—-I want you. If I do not——I do not. I will not waste your time or mine. Time is finite, and not guaranteed to anyone.
Oh, and yes, racist white men (and men of other races as well, do still exist).
“I don’t like to see black women be so down about the dating state of affairs.”
Hmm, sorry that I gave that impression. Not saying nor trying to imply that there should be a downer on the state of dating affairs. I was never a go-after-a-man type of woman, but, like I said that is just me.
Heck, I am a woman who when I go to the Red Robin Burger joint, and I wish to order food-to-go, if they ask me to sit at the bar to wait for my order, I politely decline and tell them no. I do not sit at bars (hey, that’s my moral standard from the past—-don’t ask), so, I sit over near the entrance on the seating area, until my order arrives.
Yes, having a straight-laced outlook on life can be somewhat circumventing, but, hey, that’s me.
Also, I have read many a Black woman’s words on the internet, where they have gone to other parts of the world (Europe, North Africa, South America), and they have been treated BETTER by the men in those countries better than they are treated here in the good ol’ USA.
I can speak for myself on that—-with a visit to Mexico, the Bahamas, and Canada, and I was never disrespected by the men there. But, hey, those are just my experiences.
Fear.
Yes, there are many types of fear.
Some are really groundless and more than what a person makes out of the situation.
But, some are valid.
Nothing else to do but follow that old Negro spiritual: “We fall down, “And then we get up”.
And work on overcoming the fear of flying, and letting go and enjoying life to the fullest.
November 12, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Nov
my computer died in the middle of my last comment. I’ll finish the post if the other went through.
November 13, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Nov
I’ll shorten my previous response that I tried to post before my computer shut off. I was going to say that most of the black women I know of who have no trouble attracting and keeping white men are those who fall into the category of “acting white.” Such have a specific way of speaking, enjoy so called white activities (rock music, skiing, etc). Not saying it’s right, just what I’ve seen. I also believe that this requirement extends to all nonwhite women. If you notice, Asian women are almost completely assimilated into white culture, much more so than black women…thus, many have an easy time dating/marrying whites. Again, not saying it’s right or that black women should deny their heritage in order to date out, but just going by my own personal observations. The less a black woman reminds the average white man of blackness (lifestyle, mannerism), the more he’s going to be interested in her.
November 13, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Nov
Hmm. Maybe it’s just me. . . .
. . . .but, I have always considered rock music, Black music:
-Chuck Berry
-Bo Diddley
-Little Richard
-Little Eva
-Ike Turner
-Jimi Hendrix
Not “white music”.
At least it was Black music until Whites took it over, diluted it, denatured it, corrupted it and turned in into a former shell of itself.
And just in case anyone guesses. . . .
. . . .no, I do not consider Elvis the King of Rock-n-Roll.
On the issue of Black women assimilating into Whiteness when married to a White man. . . .
. . . .well, I guess I will not be marrying a White man if I cannot just be myself.
What’s next?
“Hey, don’t talk to or associate with your relatives? Your next of kin? Your former classmates?
Sheesh.
“I also believe that this requirement extends to all nonwhite women.”
And that “requirement” is beyond sordid.
Always it is the WOC who must give up, give over, and give out. Never the White man, who always has everyone acquiesce and kowtow to his whims and demands.
“The less a black woman reminds the average white man of blackness (lifestyle, mannerism), the more he’s going to be interested in her.”
Then he will not get a “BlackWhite Woman” from me.
Be man enough to accept all that I bring to the relationship, or stay out of my life.
If I can accept you (White, Arab, Latino, Asian man) just as you are before the marriage, surely, you can have the backbone to accept me as I am.
You (White man) either want a Black woman, or you want a White woman.
Make up your mind.
Oh, and by the way, I like snow and skiing as well.
Peace.
November 13, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Nov
Oh. . . .
. . . and I also like camping, hiking, and parasailing.
November 16, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Nov
Actually the two groups with the lowest marriage rate is Black women and Asian males. So what we need to do is start hooking up with Asian males. Kill two birds with one stone. Besides people will just assume every Asian person knows some kind of martial art and won’t bother us. It will be great.
And if they are Korean, well they own half of LA anyway so why not? And have you had Korean BBQ? Telling you, give us Black folks a run for our money in that aspect!
Seriously, though it is not the color of a person’s skin that matters. If Whites for whatever don’t want to marry Black women then it is their loss because we will find someone. We are the most beautiful, loving, loyal and spiritual people on the planet, you couldn’t do any better than to have a Black wife. In any case, thanks for trying to lift a sister up-that is what we need.
November 16, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Nov
@Blacknright.
It’s funny that you mention Asian American men and Black American women combining forces. I have addressed that on other blogs and here on my own blog as well:
http://kathmanduk2.wordpress.com/2007/10/10/a-question-from-a-commentor/
“In any case, thanks for trying to lift a sister up-that is what we need.”
I do what I can. Not many people out there who do speak up for us.
Thanks for your comments, and thanks for stopping by.
December 31, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Dec
First of all we all should put the blame on the media, when was the last time there was a hot black girl on the cover of HFM, Vogue, Elle, Cosmo, and so on magazine.
and if they do celebrate a black woman, she’s covered in weave, her eye color changed and nose is either shaded to thin it out or has had plastic surgery to look smaller.
when was the last time the media celebrated the natural kink in black women’s hair.
Lots of white men do find black women attractive, we are all trained to like white or next to white
Ball players and black entertainers do black women no favors, they have so much self hate and brainwashing that the moment they hit a bit of success the run to the white or near white woman
thus telling the world that white is better.
I am so happy that Barack Obama a young and beautiful, educated, successful black man is married to a black woman and not the one who looks mixed, now people are taking a better look at her and seeing her beauty,
and her mind and how great of a parent she is. Sad that the media really never played up her type as a role model. She will show the world that we are all beautiful.
Remember how the media tried to make her look angry and play into that false stereotype.
Another brainwashing problem is with black women, black women are trained to stay with black men, and she is the first to be criticized if she dates outside the so called race ( a people who have been mixed since they got to America) Yet, the black man can’ t get enough of white women. Thats the taboo subject with black men they can exclude and criticize black women or just plain use or ignore their women, but if its the other way around they will piss a fit, in fact, I here lots of black women talk about how they love a dark skinned man, yet black men when they get a break and can possibly marry any woman they want they do the exact opposite. Understanding this now wonder why black women hove low self esteem in turn creating more lack of love and confusion on both sides male and female for the race.
December 31, 2008 at 10:00+00:00Dec
OK. First of all we all should put the blame on the media, when was the last time there was a hot black girl on the cover of HFM, Vogue, Elle, Cosmo, and so on magazine.
and if they do celebrate a black woman, she’s covered in weave, her eye color changed and nose is either shaded to thin it out or has had plastic surgery to look smaller.
when was the last time the media celebrated the natural kink in black women’s hair.
Lots of white men do find black women attractive, we are all trained to like white or next to white
Ball players and black entertainers do black women no favors, they have so much self hate and brainwashing that the moment they hit a bit of success the run to the white or near white woman
thus telling the world that white is better.
I am so happy that Barack Obama a young and beautiful, educated, successful black man is married to a black woman and not the one who looks mixed, now people are taking a better look at her and seeing her beauty,
and her mind and how great of a parent she is. Sad that the media really never played up her type as a role model. She will show the world that we are all beautiful.
Remember how the media tried to make her look angry and play into that false stereotype.
Another brainwashing problem is with black women, black women are trained to stay with black men, and she is the first to be criticized if she dates outside the so called race ( a people who have been mixed since they got to America) Yet, the black man can’ t get enough of white women. Thats the taboo subject with black men they can exclude and criticize black women or just plain use or ignore their women, but if its the other way around they will piss a fit, in fact, I here lots of black women talk about how they love a dark skinned man, yet black men when they get a break and can possibly marry any woman they want they do the exact opposite. Understanding this now wonder why black women hove low self esteem in turn creating more lack of love and confusion on both sides male and female for the race.
January 9, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jan
As a middle aged white male raised in the Pacific Northwest I’ve dated out of my race serveral times. Black, Asian & Native American.
Black women have everything they require to attract any race of man they choose. Period.
More than one I’ve attempted to interest, has informed me “I only date within my race”.
I respect this.
Sometimes this makes me want to know them even more…..
Black women are absolutely some of the most beautyful people this white boy has EVER met.
Smart, strong, tender, devoted, loyal and true.
Not to mention “FINE”.
June 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
WOW. NEVER SEEN A WHITE MAN WHO CAN VOICE HIS LOVE 4 BLACK WOMEN SUCH AS YOU. THATS REAL NICE.
September 13, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Sep
I love women and always try to show my respect.
Could we attempt to see ourselves as people first rather than men & women, black or white, American, Japanese or whatever perhaps we all could be more empathetic. Human nature seems to drive our instincts more often than not with no real thought given for our collective day to day muddlings.
My attraction to women other than my own race is easily as compelling as it to white women. Beauty is beauty?
As a former fan of Star Trek, I’ve to confess a strong proclivity for GREEN CHICKS as well….
Only kidding.
The color of skin is only a covering pigment, we’re all the same inside pretty much.
To the black women out there I would only wish to say, Don’t count us all out. We wish only to be loved too.
January 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jan
Hi, Anne. I’ve been reading your blogs (and as a white male) agree with you on some things. I am, of course, attracted to white women..but those of other physical types as well. A black woman with big brown eyes and a cute smile is just as effective as a white one
. It’s wired in all of us to be attracted to beauty, and finding someone that appeals to you (both in personality and attractiveness) is a wonderful thing.
However, part of the reason that some white men will not take the time to ask a black woman out, are the attitudes that are portrayed at time. The “strong black woman” (especially when overdone) persona is definitely a turnoff; so is the “oppression” rant that is sometimes heard. No man wants to date a woman that comes off in a hostile or ascerbic fashion; No man wants to date a woman that will make him feel like a scapegoat for 400 years of oppression; no man wants to date a woman that wants to but heads in an “alpha male” fashion. Granted, I wouldn’t want a passive, demure “Scarlet O’ Hara” type, but I also wouldn’t want to date an aggressive female.
I know that black women often get a bap rap (and some living in the urban centers-especially-have had rough times, having to raise children by themselves) but that doesn’t mean that the learned harshness should be transferred.
Everyone is their own person
January 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jan
@Visionblurr:
“However, part of the reason that some white men will not take the time to ask a black woman out, are the attitudes that are portrayed at time. The “strong black woman” (especially when overdone) persona is definitely a turnoff; so is the “oppression” rant that is sometimes heard. No man wants to date a woman that comes off in a hostile or ascerbic fashion; No man wants to date a woman that will make him feel like a scapegoat for 400 years of oppression; no man wants to date a woman that wants to but heads in an “alpha male” fashion. Granted, I wouldn’t want a passive, demure “Scarlet O’ Hara” type, but I also wouldn’t want to date an aggressive female.
There are many Black women who are not blaming White men for slavery, the Civil War, the destruction of Reconstruction, Jane Crow segregation, nor are many Black women “alpha male” in their behaviour. There are many serene, calm, engaging Black women. And you would be lieing to yourself if you said you did not see such Black women in your life.
They DO exist.
But, riddle me this, Visionblurr……
……why is it that when a Black woman walking from point A to point B (i.e.: at the grocery store, department store, crossing the street, walking down the sidewalk, etc.), she is at least noticed by a Black man, but, when she comes within close proximity to a White man, he either looks off, looks down—–or worse, does not even look AT her.
He treats her as if she is invisible.
I have on some occasions, sat at either a sidewalk cafe, or a place where I can position myself and people-watch to view how different races/genders interact with each other.
Not once, have a seen a White man look at a nice-looking Black woman who walked by, in the mentioned situations.
Case in point:
I was invited to an architect’s opening of his new office. I went, dressed very nicely, was very polite and pleasant to the architect’s guests.
I went to get a soda from the bar.
One of the servers, a White male, rudely (for no reason) literally slammed my soda down to me. The other White male server, saw this ignominy, picked up the drink, and apologetically, handed it to me, while looking at the rude White male server as if to ask: “Why did you do that to that lady?”
Later on, the architect asked for everyone to gather around to introduce his partners. Everyone stopped and gave him their attention. While I was listening to him, a White male had been standing near me at the time. As the architect was speaking, this White male, moved away from me, as if he was too ashamed to be seen near me.
Keep in mind, I had bathed before I went, breath smelled nice, I was pleasant to all the guests I spoke to (also, it must be mentioned, I was the ONLY BLACK PERSON, MALE OR FEMALE, who was in attendance). So, explain to me, why this White man had to move away from me, over to where there was a vacant spot? There was nothing wrong where he was standing, nor was I loud, mean, angry, aggressive, uncouth nor THREATENING to him or anyone else in attendance.
Also, while at the party, I would give eye contact/smile/ nod to the White men and women there, but, it was either returned with cold indifference or ignored.
The gist of the story is, that many White men consider Black women not as humans, not as women, and not as having any value as White, Asian, Latina, etc., women.
While I was at that party I was not a “Strong Black Woman”. I was not an aggressive, hostile, ascerbic Black woman. I spoke nothing about slavery or White male cruelties against Black women.
I went there to have a good time and give my support to a fellow architect.
But, all the while I was there, no one spoke first (except me); no one nodded in my direction to recognize my humanity (I did that towards the White guests who were there, as well as the architect); no one looked at me as a human and woman who had a heart and mind.
I was invisible to them, and I could not help but wonder what must these people think that they are so afraid and ashamed to simply acknowledge the humanity of a fellow human being with just a kind nod, smile, or simple “Hello.”
Many White men do not approach Black women because many White men are either STILL cowards towards Black women, or will not recognize the beauty and humanity of Black womanhood. Many White men are too afraid and terrified about what others think.
There ARE Black women who are open to relationships with White men (relationships based on love, and mutual respect, not lust and vulgar disrespect), but, these Black women remain INVISIBLE to millions of White men because those White men would rather assume and believe hated stereotypes against the many loving and kind Black women who DO live in America.
April 30, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Apr
You say they don’t even look at her, because they don’t know her. That aggressive attitude can be very scary. I am the only white person on my bus to and from work I’ve seen women yell for a full half hour because someone bumped into them on an overcrowed bus and continue throughtout the entire journey, “yeah you see me, I’m talking to you” is an example. So what if not all black women are like that, when you see it two or three times a week, it is human nature to generalize. If I were a man married to one of those screaming, swearing women, I’d sit in the corner and cry all day. There is one lady on my bus, who is so adorable, and the fact that she stands out, speaks volumes.
October 4, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Oct
I read your comment, and wish to reply as awhite man to some of the things you stated,1 i am no coward,2 black women are invisible to us,but we dont believe in stereotypes. true 3 the fact that you are a strong or weak black woman is not inportant to us true.4 most white males will not go near me, this is true.5 white men do not consider us as humans,true and not true,we dont consider you at all.6 the waiter was rude to you,true ignorance abounds on earth for this alone i wish to say i am sorry. 7 you say some black women may be open to relationships, with white men,but a white mans ,first consern is his children,to my own self i am true,this is why white men dont care about black men going with white women,since there off spring are not white anyway, ists important not to consider this as hate,it goes beyond that?8 you state that white people didnt speak to you,male or female,this is true,whites along time ago realised that its pointless ,even talking to blacks, you simply cant win, why bother.
In summin up you have done nothing wrong, you have no reason to be ashamed, i dont wish to make you cry ,since you seem to be a sincere,kind woman ,but the gulf between us is to great,and our history ,of hate is to long,consider this
To long a suffering makes a stone of the heart.?
January 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jan
@Mimi227 and Dan
Thank you both for your comments, and thanks for stopping by.
January 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jan
Hi Anne,
I’m not trying to belittle your experience or argue in any way. Nor will I claim that racism doesn’t exist on the part of white men against black women. But, your experience is not what I hear from the majority of black women who socialize in mixed or mostly nonblack settings. I have found that for the most part, white men are respectful and chivalrous. In fact, I’ve found them to be much more accepting of me than white women. Then again, I find men of all races to be easier to deal with than women of all races, LOL.
Case in point, I went out with a few friends the other night and many nonblack men made eye contact, flirted, and simply let us know that we were noticed. My pics are on my blog…one can see that I am not light skinned with Euro features. One of my friends looks more “African” than I do and nonblack men were checking her out.
Again, there are plenty of white men out there who can’t stand black women. But an attitude of not recognizing our humanity is in my opinion few and far between. I.E. I’d bet the numbers of white men who see us as subhuman is much less than those who see us as human beings.
January 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jan
@Lormarie.
“I’m not trying to belittle your experience or argue in any way. Nor will I claim that racism doesn’t exist on the part of white men against black women. But, your experience is not what I hear from the majority of black women who socialize in mixed or mostly nonblack settings.”
Of course my experience for that ONE night is not what the majority of Black women have. Nor is it the majority of My experiences with many White/non-black men, either. That was one situation where I went where I was not an employee (think Office Christmas Party, where I have had no trouble/disrespect from White/non-Black men who have attended Christmas parties in the past).
“I have found that for the most part, white men are respectful and chivalrous.”
So have I. As that second White male server exemplified at the architect’s party. He may have been a server, but, he was still a man who happened to be White who recognized and respected my humanity.
“In fact, I’ve found them to be much more accepting of me than white women. Then again, I find men of all races to be easier to deal with than women of all races, LOL. ”
And here it was, I thought that I was the only person who noticed that.
Agreed.
I have had more trouble from women than I have from men. White women seem to show more contempt for the happiness of Black women than any other group I know of (well, those White women who are guilty of such behaviour.)
Then again, after the Civil War, many Southern White women DID NOT wish to see White men continuing to be with Black women, ESPECIALLY since some of those White men were starting to MARRY Black women during Reconstruction, instead of just laying up with them.
“Case in point, I went out with a few friends the other night and many nonblack men made eye contact, flirted, and simply let us know that we were noticed. My pics are on my blog…one can see that I am not light skinned with Euro features. One of my friends looks more “African” than I do and nonblack men were checking her out.”
I do not doubt that such respect happens and I know that there are Black women who are admired and respected when out.
Question:
-Where did you and your friends go? Nightclub, museum exhibit party? Friend’s house party? I ask because I am not the nightclub type, so I guess it depends on the type of social function. Not that should have a great overbearing effect on it.
“Again, there are plenty of white men out there who can’t stand black women. But an attitude of not recognizing our humanity is in my opinion few and far between. I.E. I’d bet the numbers of white men who see us as subhuman is much less than those who see us as human beings.”
Yep.
Just like there are plenty of Black women out there who are not loud, uncouth, aggressive, hard, or acerbic, no matter who the people are who wish to believe the worst about us.
Now…………..on a lighter note…………
……..how was the Inauguration?
If you please, leave a comment if you want to leave a response on my “Inauguration: Open Thread” post.
January 21, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jan
I do agree that it is simply not fair to assume that all or most black women are loud and aggressive.
Should I assume that all white men are like George Bush or worse… Adolf Hitler? I’ll check out your other post.
January 21, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jan
“Should I assume that all white men are like George Bush or worse… Adolf Hitler? ”
No.
You should not assume that all White men are like George Dubya Bush (whom I consider worse than Hitler——my opinion.)
Everyone is most definitely their own person.
January 28, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jan
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it but when you stereo type good men and put them in the same category as the bad ones you’ll never find a great black guy and there’s a lot of them waiting believe me…I am one of them
February 7, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Feb
I’m a white man who finds alot of black women very attractive. Unfortunately the few I meet do not appear to have even the slightest bit of interest in me that I can tell.
When white women I come across will go out of their way to clue me in to their interest, that tells me it’s not my looks. I’ve been told many times that I’m a good looking guy. I’m not sure what it is.
To whoever had said that anyone is less of a man because they will not make the first move, it has nothing to do with cowardice for me. For me, I wait for the woman (not all of the time but I would prefer it) because it is outside of the norm. I want a woman to be interested enough in me to make a move instead of waiting for me to do it.
That is a step to making her stand out to me as something “special” and not “just another typical woman”.
February 15, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Feb
well, I have to say, as a black woman I don’t really have a hard time being approached by white men. I am very attracted to white men and it has nothing to do with hating the fact that i am black. That is one problem I think black women have. If they are just into white men people think that they hate being black. Which is definitely not true for me. But I do feel as though I am treated like a sexual plaything when I am around white men. That partially discourages me from talking to them. It is like a love hate relationship that I have with them. I will never quite understand it. It’s not that I hate black men, I am just more attracted to white men.
February 25, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Feb
The truth of the matter that has been ignored by most of this blog ,is that as a white man, i want my children to resemble me.To call someone bi racial when they are 90% black is to lie ,not only to others but to yourself. bm+ww= bc,bw+bm= bc,bw+am=bc,bm+aw=bc,bw+wm=bc,bi+all of above =bc,
ww+wm=wc, wm+ww=wc=truth
sad is it not that we dont have genetic engineering so that the resessive genes are not made visible,i look forward to the day when black women and white men can produce children= that have blue eyes + 40 eye colours 50 colours hair+brown skin,would it not be an odd world in the 23 centry,if i ruled over us.Theres to the next 10, 000 years.
IF YOU HAVE THE BALLS?
February 26, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Feb
“IF YOU HAVE THE BALLS?”
Well, seeing as how I am a woman, I don’t have the balls…but, I do have the tits to respond.
“To call someone bi racial when they are 90% black is to lie ,not only to others but to yourself”
Where did you read that I consider “90% black” people “biracial”? I do not even believe in the ODR so I do not consider Black Americans who look whiter than some White people, as Black. Then again, that’s just me being persnickety.
Besides, millions of Black Americans are not Black…millions of Black Americans (those born pre-1967), have much rapist white blood in their veins, so they would be more multiracial (genetically, than say, White people.) Ninety-per cent black in Black Americans? No such Black Americans exist in this country (you do have a knowledge of the racist sexual exploitation of Black women by White men during slavery, Reconstruction and segregation?)plus, there would be a tiny minority of Black Americans who could claim being “90% black”, anyway (and I assure you,they would not consider themselves “biracial”; why lay claim to that part of you (White) which for centuries has shitcanned you before the world?….now, African immigrants, well….they would be more 90% black than Black Americans can lay claim to.
I would not say that “The truth of the matter that has been ignored by most of this blog ,is that as a white man, i want my children to resemble me.” is being ignored, but, yes, I will agree that it is an important aspect of the discussion. That it was not stated does not negate its truth.
Yes, White men do want their children to look like them. Yes, White men do want their children’s eyes to remain forever blue/hazel; their children’s hair color to remain forever blond/blonde/red/auburn; yes, White men do want their children’s skin to remain forever white.
Add that to that fact that millions of White men do not look upon Black women as humans the way they do women of other races, so yes, you have a combination of facts that have to be reckoned with.
As for this “sad is it not that we dont have genetic engineering so that the resessive genes are not made visible”….give it time.”
If I am understanding you, then you are stating that with recessive genes made visible then people will truly see what a person’s racial and genetic composition will be? Hmm….well, then we will have patch-work looking human types. Just the same, seeing the recessive genes (or not seeing them) still does not negate centuries of White male hatred against Black women. Not to mention, that there are DNA tests that pick up genetic markers on ancestry types that millions of people carry in their genetic makeup.
Only a few decades ago, people started “changing” their gender they were born with (well, at least the outer, and somewhat, with the inner [transexual operations as they were called then].
In the future, race-changing will come.
Now, don’t scoff.
People are able to determine the sex/gender of their babies, so, race-changing is not so farfetched.
The brave new world of Aldous Huxley and H.G. wells is already opened, no shutting that door now.
So, it would not be an odd world in the 23RD Century. Add to the fact that many non-Whites worship whiteness well it would not surprise me if many non-whites opt for looking like the race that has attacked, raped, and slaughtered them for centuries. Centuries of racist brainwashing will do that to many non-whites, and has.
As the young lady at the end of the Twilight Zone said to her sister, “No. 8 looks just like me” the reality of race-changing is only a matter of time.
We already have sex-changes, plastic sx, gender-detremination of babies while still in utero, so what’s to stop race-changing?
But, I still stand by what I stated in my post (in addition to your comment on White men wanting their children to look like themselves):
Millions of White men have been indoctrinated against Black women, more than any other race of women on this earth.
And millions of White men do not care about the humanity of Black women.
Black women are invisible to White men.
Always have been.
And still are.
March 1, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
I am extremely attracted to black women as a white male. I think they are passionate, sassy and all are unique as humans. I just haven’t met enough white women to compare. I think it’s there passion for a man and will make their stand for him that makes them appealling.
March 2, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
The law of genetics is this BW +BM=BC ,BW+WM =BC,BM+WW=BC, AM+BW=BC,BI+WM=BC ,
HM+BW=BC
WM+WW=WC
is the white man and this race the true racist,were is the balance.It is natural that a man desires this child to resemble his self.
I DONT KNOW IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO UNDERSTAND TRUTH.
March 3, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
@ James Carlisle.
“The law of genetics is this BW +BM=BC ,BW+WM =BC,BM+WW=BC, AM+BW=BC,BI+WM=BC ,
HM+BW=BC.”
Law of Genetics (Gregor Mendel), spoke of dominant and recessive genes.
If, say, by what you state: HM + BW= BC (Hispanic male/Black female), then it must be asked the following:
What constitutes an “Hispanic”? And how is this Hispanic supposed to look?
-Black-skinned Puerto Rican?
-Light-skinned Cuban? Black-skinned Cuban?
-Brown-skinned Trinidadian? Medium-brown-skinned Panamanian?
From what I have read “Hispanic” is not a race, but a United States Census classification.
Therefore, an Hispanic can be any race and any color.
But, back to Gregor Mendel’s Law of Genetics.
Recessive genes can be any gene. Blue eyes/blonde hair/fair skin. But, recessive genes, genes which are not dominant to prevail against a massive infusion of one gene (Millions of Whites, with only a small percentage of Blacks in the population), can be Black as well. Just because Black is a dominant color, does not mean that it too cannot be washed away in a sea of a dominant group’s blood. (Small group of Black Americans (1.00% of the population) living in China is another example.)
Even though many people ignorantly consider black as the only dominant gene.
Not so.
Say, you have a population of Whites numbering 10,000.
In that population are three Black women; three Black men.
BW/BM marry Whites; have children. The children are so-called biracial (correct term is hybrid).
Those children marry Whites; they have children. Then those children (grandchildren) marry Whites; they have children. Those great-grandchildren marry Whites; they have children….and ad infinitum.
The only recessive genes that would have occured would have been the black genes…..which have now been washed away in a sea of whiteness (European blood covering the African blood).
So, your argument that just because there is a Black parent, automatically means Black child is incorrect and illogical.
Unless you believe in the lie of the ODR.
Which is the biggest most sickest lie ever told in this country.
As for this comment:
“It is natural that a man desires this child to resemble his self.”
Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with wanting your children to resemble you.
But, facts have to be faced: White male denigration of Black women has created a scale of devaluation of Black women in America. And that devaluation is not going anywhere anytime soon.
Even with the marriage of WM/BW producing children, there is still the white blood that remains; it simply gets reshuffled around just like all genes whene people of different races marry. Just like black blood (genes) can be covered in a sea of other race’s blood/genes when Blacks are a tiny minority in a country.
“I DONT KNOW IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO UNDERSTAND TRUTH.”
Oh, I accept the truth; truth is all that a person can face up to in this world.
No matter how painful the truth may be.
March 2, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
Interesting points made ann,the concept that equality,(doc of good intensions ) is the same as equity,is fake.As for history is it not true ,that since the 1960,that black males in order to prove how liberated they are, all have white women,
Who is the man ,and who is the boy.
who is the child, with the barbie toy.
Where dos your black president loyalty lIE with, his white mother, or this father(did he not write a book, dreams of my father) ,wheres the other book.As for being shit canned before the world,what makes you think that we care,western civilisation has existed since the Greeks,we are inheritors of there world,MAN =MIND = MATHS,
The nature of man is that he is a self contained being unto ME/.You state that white men do not judge you as human,this is 100% RIGHT.No human in a- sense cares for this fellows,you have made the error,in assuming that humanity must aways be in the+,the truth of the matter is that we are a mixure of each.In mark twains novel,Tom
and Huck are on a raft,USA IS THE RAFT,its truth dos not belong to a fixed point, instead it is the movement between the two points that matter,this is the nature of the GREEK democratic state.change is the only constant PLATO.the republic.Second you make the emotional statement,white men rape black women ,his is true,since white men are men, and men rape women, and some women are black.LOGIC OF THE GREEKS, MUST BE THAT SOME, WHITE MEN RAPE BLACK WOMEN.NOT ALL.
As for having balls,his has nothing to do with gender,if you want to walk up right, either on the plains of africa or the moon, you must believe in you self.
The future belongs to them that have the will to change it for the better. Thanks for the chat.
and
Huck,are on a raft,the truth is not a fixed point ,but instead it is the movement between the two points
March 3, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
Clearly, there is mistrust and misunderstanding on both sides of the black woman/white man divide. As a white man, I can say that I’ve never felt like any black women were overly eager to engage with me socially. I’m an attractive guy, and get plenty of interest from white, latina and Asian women. Black women, however, tend to treat me with a level of mocking derision that makes me feel like a second-class citizen in their eyes.
I’ve noticed that many black women seem to view me with a level of mistrust that borders on dislike. The two times in my life when I asked a black woman out I was greeted with a sneer and a rebuke along the lines of, “Yeah right, I don’t date white boys.” I’m 28 years old, asking this woman out, but to her I’m just a “white boy.” Why would a guy pursue women from any group that did not seem to value him as a man?
I’m not a “black fetishist,” I’m just a man who is attracted to women. As far as black women being invisible to white men, I don’t think that’s true even most of the time. Many white men find black women quite attractive. I’ve seen several black women in social settings who were just AMAZING, but they also seemed as distant from me as the far side of the moon. I felt invisible to them, proof that this phenomenon works both ways.
In the end, I suppose we all need to set aside our past interpersonal injuries if we ever want things to change for the better.
March 3, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
@ Mike.
I agree.
There is much distrust and misunderstanding on both sides.
“The two times in my life when I asked a black woman out I was greeted with a sneer and a rebuke along the lines of, “Yeah right, I don’t date white boys.” I’m 28 years old, asking this woman out, but to her I’m just a “white boy.” Why would a guy pursue women from any group that did not seem to value him as a man?”
That is wrong of them to respond to you like that. They should at least be respectful about it. A simple, “No, but, thanks for asking,” would suffice, not cutting someone down in a way they would not want to be treated.
As I asked in my post, if a White man was to respond in a like-manner to a Black woman with a condescending retort like that, he would be called every name but a Child of God.
” I felt invisible to them, proof that this phenomenon works both ways.”
Proof, yes, that both groups have a lot to work their way through.
Past histories, and present histories.
March 3, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
This James Carlisle person is pretty much saying whatever he can to prove his racist point. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to marry within your own groups. The problem is, there’s no need to ignore facts. The children of IR couples are NOT black. WM and WW cannot and never will be able to produce black children. Are there plenty of mixed race offspring who look black? Sure. But, there are plenty of those offspring who look very white.
Again, marry who you want, produce as many white children you want. But don’t spread lies calling it scientific truth.
Ann, I tried to post links of mixed people who look white but they didn’t go through.
March 3, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
@ LorMarie.
“The children of IR couples are NOT black. WM and WW cannot and never will be able to produce black children.”
Correct.
All humans descend from Lucy, no getting around that.
“Ann, I tried to post links of mixed people who look white but they didn’t go through.”
Sometimes, trying to send more than one link through will cause your comment to be eaten by the Askimet/Spambot.
Try sending one link through at a time. That may work.
I too, have seen photos of mixed children where one parent is Black—and the children do definitely look “White”/white enough to pass for White.
March 3, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
Sorry, I need to vent, LOL.
Mike,
It angers me how some black women act toward men of other races. Their actions have tainted the image of black women especially in America. You don’t know how many times I’ve heard white men (and other nonblack men) say that black women appear racially biased. That is why I’ve come to believe that most of the resistance to IR dating and marriage comes from black women. That is NOT to say that racist white men do not exist.
Overall, I hope to see black women in general become more “globally minded.” Not just in dating, but in all areas of our lives. I am happy to say that slowly but surely, I’m beginning to see a change.
March 7, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
Just one thing;I’m black,but as a handsome,Wranglers-and-
leather-jacket-clad-Country music and bopping fan who’s
attempting a Country singing/songwriting career,I con-
sider myself a black cowboy,dude or lad,not a brother.
Also,I prefer buxom blonde farmer’s daughters(though
equally rural,just-as-voluptuous black babes who share my
love of Country music and dancing,rodeo,NASCAR,etc. are just as welcome.)
Finally,instead of a “churchy’ accent or bass/baritone voice,mine is a braying tenor which a Dramatic Arts
Professor at my alma mater,the University Of Windsor
(Ont.,Can.)deemed unusual for a black man,let alone one built like a steer-wrestler such as myself(I’m 5′9”,
214 lb. and sport a 48” Chest Normal,50” Chest Expan-
ded,42” Waist and 18.5” Biceps among my vitals.)
How’ bout it,black babes????
Oh,and one other little thing;I CAN’T STAND FAT,MOUTHY BLACK WOMEN!!!!
March 11, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
My current experience now working in a company near LAX airport is we have many different races I deal with on a daily basis. I have met some nice black women but one in particular I never got along with since I started. She has a big chip on her shoulder and had attitude from the day I started. She can speak better but when another black person (black women mostly) is talking to her in person or on the phone….it drives me up the wall the stupid laughing, moaning, vocal expressions heard from the other side of the room. We had a black woman that was well educated and has moved on but she spoke much better and had good manners. One thing I noticed though is when she and some of the other black women in the offices got together, all language skills and speaking correctly went down the hill. As a white man whether I am working or not being around a group of black women talking or even some individual black women can be a big turnoff. Im sure some will consider me racist but I am just trying to give my observations here as a white person.
March 13, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
You are killing MLK’s dream. His dream will be unfulfilled dream as long as my daughter grows up in a world where outside of my guidance reads things and hears people like all of you refering to everyone by what color they are. For your terms my daughter is mixed. What will I teach her about race is nothing. I was raised by parents that never talked about it. I have a dream that ALL of us humans view people as people. Not black not white. Who cares. By looking at these comments all of you really are judging on color. Black this white that. I am not trying to make anyone upset. I would like to somehow start a trend. Anyone who reads this try actually losing the racist attitudes of the comments here. Stop supporting a president or anyone because what color they are. Stop having a month just for your races history. To ALL people look at obama as a man not a black man. To answer the original question. The answer is a question can be anwered with a question. Wouldn’t your question be irelevant if you and others saw women as women not black womem, and men as men not white men. To the people who wrote these comments start today. Read your comment and ask yourself, if I view people as black or white instead of just people how will my children view people. Remember the “dream” was that people be judged by the content of there character not the color of there skin. My human brothers and sisters I love you all. Last but not least how many wonder what color I am. Hope at least I provoked serious thought about a bad problem!
March 14, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
When I look at these comments I see the problem. If ALL of you that are thinking in terms of they are this and we are that would think of all of us as we then racism would eventually die. It is so sad that that a lot of the people here don’t even realize that thinking like your comments black people are this or white men do this or I’m happy a black man is president is racist. The thoughts here are put in us by our elders who view color first and people second. What torch will you pass to your children when you stereotype groups based on something you can’t control. Stop thinking of what color someone is and think that humans are different. If you like sports then be around PEOPLE who like sports. IF you like Shopping then hang with PEOPLE who like shopping. Would you rather have a president the same color as you. Why? Because of color. That is my definition of racism, making decisions based on race.
March 19, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
Hey everybody! Whoo! Have I had a TIME reading all of your commets on this situation! I’ve read some pretty good points that have made me think on what to say. And heres what I think.
Okay, just to start I am a black women. I do love white men. Latino men. Asian men. Black men. Just MEN! I mean omfg man! Does it really even matter? See, I am naturally color blind. I was born in Tacoma, Washington,and I grew up around white people. And apparently they were color blind as well b/c I’ve never felt any “racia
March 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
(cont’d) l” preasures. I mean when i was in kindergarden i hada white boyfriend and had more white friends than black. My family closist (total spelling error! :/ typing on my psp here) friends were white and other races as well, so we were just totally integrated. Only when i moved to the south did I really feel such a weight of “colors”. Now the whole acting “white” thing really made me just disgusted. Just because i pronounce my r’s and my e’s and whatever other continates (spelling! :/) and verbs so ca
March 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
(cont’d) lled “black” acting {as cosisdered} miss that I’m acting white and I’m a sellout. That is f(bleep) bs. And whoever that dude was that said that loud talking and just being country with their speech, is a turn off, I very much imagine it is. That just poses yourself for looking very dumb and uneducated. And another thing that just irritates me so is they also call you “white” by the type of music you listen to. That is so dumb that it makes me laugh at times. I listen to all sorts of music. Rap,
March 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
(cont’d) rock, jazz, classical, whatever I feel like listening to. Why do we have soooo many classifications? (spellcheck) Sure okay i do prefer males of the white persuation, (omg another spellcheck) but I mean its all on how you were raised and how you take that and other influences from the other world and apply it to your everyday life. White men, men in general dont be scared to approach us black women. How are you gonna ever know how chocolate taste if you dont take a big bite out of the hershy bar
March 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
yourself? As same with black women who want white men. How are you gonna know how vanilla taste if you stay safe with chocolate only b/c your scared of what ppl are gonna think? This is with any race and any other color in the rainbow. Dnt let ppl control your love. Take new chances. Go new places that you never thought you’d go. Love has no color.
March 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
Fascinating Blog. It is always interesting to hear the perspective of others. I am currently in love with a woman who is black and I feel blessed to be involved with her. It is my hope and intention to be married to this woman. Why am I attracted to her? She is the mother to five children (none are mine), she is a terrific loving mother. I am constantly amazed at how she manages to meet each of children’s needs. She is a strong, intelligent and capable woman. It has been my experience that black women HAVE to be stronger than their white counterparts and I admire that strength. It may be that some men are intimidated by that strength. I happen to be enthralled with it. As an added bonus, she is very lovely and I would consider myself blessed and honored to call her my wife. And hope to do so.
Kirk
March 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
To “listen” to you all it seems so complicated when, really, it does not need to be any more complicated then we wish it to be for ourselves. A man loves a woman, a woman loves a man. What could be more natural? I, of course, have only my own perspective. I have a daughter and could not care less if she resembles me. The notion that it matters whether she resembles me is patently ridiculous. I do not love her because of a resemblance. Again, perspective. She is a child, she is my daughter I love her. Some may say she is a physical manifestation of the love that existed between her mother and I.
March 21, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
I am an BW who has deep feeling s for a long time friend who is a WM. We share are stories of family, ambition and desire. I care for him very deeply and I find it very difficult to go beyond just friends. That is because my history is one mistrust, anger, and the idea that he cannot see me as my black brothers see me sexually. I beleive I have bond with him however that is deeper than I ever had with any man in my life. I want more from our relationship. I just need to know how to get there.
March 22, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
Hey kirk, I just wanna know what attracted you to black women and how did you approach one you were intrested in?
If you dnt mind… =)
March 23, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
your friendship with your WM sounds very sincere and genuine.pls be sure that your WM wants the same future u invision, hurt and or dissappointment in how he views u may forever change what you have now and it will take a very
mature and realistic person to handle and keep
the friendship if one of u is not seeing the other in
the same intended fashion.
March 24, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
Im a 17 year old white male.As long as i have an emotional connection with the girl,regardless of race, shes capable of becoming a girlfriend or possilble wife.color doesnt mean shit to most guys.unless their just ignorant fools.
March 26, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
Wow single white male. That was like sooo awsome what you said dude! That rocked. Anyway the person who told me to watch out, I totally understand. People dnt look at it the same way as some ppl. The thing that really attracks (spellcheck. On my psp…. again =} ) me to other races (particulary white) men is that I like to try different things ya know? One day I like the tall, sexy, long haired type, then another looking into the deep blue eyes of a blond haired white guy named…….. idk……. Bob? Lol
March 26, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
jk! Maybe a Stephen or a Kyle or whatever, but the point is it just doesnt make a differece all around. And yes, I know ppl have their prefrences, but that still doesnt mean be closed mind and pig headed to where your heart will take you. Yea, you may prefer chocolate, but what if your tummy wants to try vanilla? Will you tell your tummy to shut the hell up? Same thing if you turn it around. If you always go for vanilla, but your taste buds yearn for a chocolate fix. Would you try to cut your taste buds
March 26, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
off? NO! At least I hope not…… Lol the point is that, you can still have your prefrences (spellcheck) but dnt let it get in the way. The love of your life could be of another race but you settle with your “prefrence”. Let love b love. =) thnk yall 4 stoppin by. Come back now! Lol
March 29, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
I believe God tried to spice things up here on the Planet Earth, with people NOT all looking the same, but what happened here on Earth is terrible. God values us all the same, and expects the same from us. I am NOT perfect, but sure am gald, that I can appreciate all of the Beauty of the Women found around this entire world.
March 29, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
Lol rich p. That was awsome what you said, and I agree! God all made us different and I think we should all cherish that. Thnx for stoppen by! =)
March 30, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
The only difference is color. If O J simpson was raised by obamas family wouldn’t he be similar to obama. We are all products of our enviroment. All this us them is learned behavior. Look at babys. Do they care what color people are. No. We teach it to them. We meaning not just white people or black people or any race. All of US teach it to our babys. Thoughts like in this forum teach our CHILDREN that we are different based solely on race. Does the color of our skin make us different? Ask yourself when I was 1 year old would I have thought a white person was different as a person. Why then now do I see stereotypes. Is it because my own family TAUGHT me that people are different from me. My childs mother is black and tells me Her people teach their children that other black people are her people. She doesn’t see this as racism. She says white people aren’t as nice to her as other black people are. I wonder if the problem is that she has been RAISED to think that she should think that white people don’t like her so she. What if she thought of all people as her people. What if the black man at the basketball court that hugs only the black guys and says whasup my brother realized I want him to think of me as his brother too. I am a human and he is too. I like sports he likes sports. I am not saying black people are more racist. I try my best to judge any person I meet on an individual basis. I grew up in small town indiana and thought only white people were racist. I now realize there is racism in all of us. If you ever thought they didn’t hire me because I am black you just made an assumption about the person who interviewed you because they were white. It may be true but how do you know for sure. If you think you didn’t get picked up in the basketball game because you were white how do you know. Maybe the other guy was an x college player. I wish we all were color blind. You don’t even see dogs feeling allegiance to there breed but every breed of humans do it. I feel closer to MY people. Blah blah blah. If you think like this ask your self what do I mean by my people and when I was a one year old would my definition of MY people have been the same. My point is that in this day and age all races our responsible for racism. Will it ever stop if we continue to see humans as different based on color? Every time you don’t take responsibility for thinking any judgement based on color then you keep racism alive. If you pass to your children that other races our different then you passed the racist torch.
March 31, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Mar
American Men (any race) value “chemistry”, which is code for “outer beauty”. That is an all important “first” on their list of priorities. Yes, they search all available females (any race) for what they regard as the height of feminine beauty. In this country, women, (any race) who are overweight and/or unattractive don’t qualify even if the man is unattractive and obese himself. Men value anything of beauty (any race) and will pursue beautiful women first. Brains, sadly, come in second but if they can have both, all the better… and on and on down their laundry list of requirements. The honest truth is that most Americans (any race) do not possess classical beauty and thus both men and women (any race) end up ignoring those around them that would be a damn good match. White men and women age badly. If they are beautiful/slim, it doesn’t last long. I think if we had a slimmer population, there would be plenty of attractive Americans from which to choose a mate. In the meantime, don’t disregard those around you… consider them seriously before judging them as beneath you as the odds of you being “ideal” are slim as well.
I have spoken to many white men, most being professional. For the record I’m a Latina who is slim and “attractive” (only because I have been told I am by men, as I and my girlfriends don’t think I’m beautiful, or at least anything special, on the outside, at least). Some have told me that they were attracted initially at least once in their lifetime to a black woman, but as they became intimate, there was something incompatible regarding her outwardly beautiful skin. I’m just the messenger.
April 2, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Apr
Cool Sprit Dove. I totally understand, BUT you just cnt classify it all like that. There are very much attractive women (any race) that men (any race) tend to over look b/c of their race and/or how they were raised. That brings me to Bens point. I understand that one too. But just from me personaly, the only real time I REALLY got hit by the color card, was when I had to move to the south with my Mother and brother. Now, I was TRULY color blind in the North in which I was born and raised till I was 9. Now
April 2, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Apr
that time was awsome. Now, not saying that I wasnt taught of my heritage. Oh yea, I knew all about the slaves and what white ppl did etc and the whole 9. But its all the point of moving on 4rm that. No, dnt forget it. Just dnt still hold it to the white people of today. Unless a white person litterally walked up to you and tried to put you in shackels and chains and work you to death just like our ancesters, then dnt attomaticly go to the past and look at them Mr. Slave holder or Ms. I dnt like black peopl
April 2, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Apr
e unless you know it yourself. We should just forgive and let go like God did and does for us everyday. Thnx 4 stoppen bye! Come back now! Lol =)
April 30, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Apr
I dated a a pretty black woman. We were both in our early 30’s. I think most would onsoder us each attractive and many saw us attractive s a couple. WE enjoyed each other in every way. But in the end the hassles just werent worth the relatonship.far too often when we ent out some big angry blck man wanted to fight…….
Why I WILL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE MOST WERE WITH WHITE WOMEN!
I never got hurt , but that wasnt the point. It was always there………….the bs. I think about her every so often . I miss her and I wonder how she’s doing? Is she happy?
May 17, 2009 at 10:00+00:00May
I am White, and a college graduate from a prestigous private university; and additionally, I have some standing as a sports celebrety from a few decades ago. I married a Black woman about 20 years ago.
She grew up in New Orleans during the 50s and 60s, but her parents moved their family to South Central Los Angeles just before her high school years.
As far as I can ascertain, little in my background interfered with our relationship. Oh, to be sure, right after I met her, my mother was a potential obstacle in that my mother had relatively little contact in her life with Black people, but my wife handled her masterfully, winning her over almost immediately.
She is not longer my wife, but that is another story, and that story is relavant, but so unusual that it would take me practically a whole book to explain.
My Black second-wife was not a college graduate like my White first-wife was, but in her work she was considered a consummate professional for many years. In her profession she conducted herself in a way that connected with people of all backgrounds in a positive way. Often, when her company was downsizing, she was called upon to break the news to a long-term employee, because everyone knew that she could somehow tender a human touch to that always stressful situation..
Nowdays, I still notice that when she comes over to discuss something that has to do with our son, who lives with me, most of the time she still has that special touch.
After we married, we talked for hours about what she and her family went through living in the South, during the time of segregation and the civil rights movement. To be sure, her ‘touch’ in communication comes from a mix of those experiences and her own experiences, but also, I think, it might come from the fact that her father was White, and her mother was Black.
Everyone in her family knew their father was White, and he looked like he was White, but he could not say that he was White because he would then be arrested. So, he had papers saying that he was ‘Negro Albino’, and almost everyday, everyone in her family had to contend with this fact in some way, if not from White authorities, then from Black neighbors, or even strangers.
One day, my ex-wife and I were relaxing at our beach front home in the South Bay of Southern California, chatting about family matters and past events. Something came up related to my athletic past…in particular, my having traveled to Shreveport, Louisiana when I was a coach. I remembered how much I liked Shreveport when I visited there. And I said, ‘have you ever been to Shreveport?’. She seemed to want to change the subject, and I wondered why. So, I queried her again, ‘you lived in New Orleans…that’s not far from Shreveport, huh. Did you guys ever visit there?’ And she said, in an unusually stronger tone than her normally ‘healing way’ of communicating, “we could not just pack-up and decide to go to Shreveport. First, getting out of New Orleans without being detained was an issue, and then, even if we had gotten out of New Orleans, we could have been arrested at any time along the way.” I was stunned, to be sure. And, later, thinking about this exchange of opinions, I realized that, ‘THIS WAS THE GREAT DEVIDE’.
Was this devide too great for all of the love and respect we had for each other to overcome? Sadly, I don’t have the answer to that question. I can only say that I sincerely believe that it is possible for Black and White to overcome. I don’t know the best way, but working to overcome in a non-prejudicual way promises a better life for all of us.
May 24, 2009 at 10:00+00:00May
Boy o’boy…where do I begin?! This article is pure fantasy. Theres not a shred of reality to it. None of the real reasons were given for why white men are not marrying black women in larger numbers. Please allow me to elaborate:
If I’m going to give up the safety and security of having my family’s support, financial or otherwise, it damn sure better be worth the sacrifice. Many black women have an over-inflated value of themselves! They claim they are ‘divas’ and whatnot; they claim to be ’strong’. But from my experience with black women, a diva is an overweight black women who refuses to excersize the self-discipline to lose weight.
A ’strong’ black woman is someone who shacked up with a man, realized after the baby ( or babies)came that she didn’t want to be with the kid’s father anymore, and has therefore erected a false wall of defense around her self, supposedly to keep deadbeat black men out of her life. She will blame everyone else for the bad choices she has made with her life: the White man, black men, the Republicans…everything and everyone but herself. In her self-delusion, she calls herself strong by saying such things as: ‘ I don’t need a man to complete me…I don’t need a man to raise our children…I can do bad all by myself…’ You get the point.
Black women come off as loud, rude, belligerent, disrespectful, show-boatish, and confuse such childish behavior with actual strength.
In my opinion, the problem goes beyond just white men marrying black women. Its really men marrying any type of women! I mean, come on: marriage these days is set up strictly to benefit the woman anyway. Theres nothing in it for the man at all! ALL the benefits of matrimony go to the bride. Ever hear of a show called Bridezilla? What man in his right mind would sign up for that sh!t?!
That show aptly illustrates the prevailing attitude of women today who have this over-inflated sense of self worth. And many black women are bridezilla-ish all during the courtship process. Then when some unfortunate guy makes the mistake of marrying one of these selfish brats, and decides to jump ship when he finally comes to his senses, he gets hit with child support and alimony, probably loses the house that he worked so hard for, along with most of the furniture, gets stuck with the car payments, and gets child visitation doled out to him in tiny increments at the courts’ discretion.
Besides this, white men tend to marry someone who’s on their level economically. This idea about marrying somebody only for love: forget about it! That stuff is only good for Disney movies. And most black women just aren’t on a solid financial footing. Sorry to say.
So allow me to recap: Why aren’t white men going out of their way to marry: overweight, angry, loud-talking, combative, underpaid black women AND their kids? why aren’t white men rushing to take someone like this to the altar? Well, why in the hell should they?!
May 26, 2009 at 10:00+00:00May
“If I’m going to give up the safety and security of having my family’s support, financial or otherwise, it damn sure better be worth the sacrifice.”
So too are many Black women hesitant about giving up their family’s support for a man who may not go the distance with them because of his fear of disapproval from White family or White people. It had better be worth it for them as well.
As for marrying for love, only a fool would do such a thing. There are Black women who are pragmatic and realistic, and do not have sex outside of marriage, nor children outside of marriage. These Black women know they are not everyone’s cup of tea (since they do not put out), but, many of them do hold on to their principles and convictions. Marriage is not for the foolhardy, but for the people most prepared for the good and the bad, the ups and downs that marriage brings.
Oh, and there are White men who are “Bridezillas” in their behaviour towards Black women.
“Its really men marrying any type of women! I mean, come on: marriage these days is set up strictly to benefit the woman anyway. Theres nothing in it for the man at all! ALL the benefits of matrimony go to the bride.”
Not true.
If any group of people benefit from marriage it is men, and always has been men.
Often makes me wonder why any woman would marry a man, do housework, cooking, and working to make ends meet, when men would be the biggest beneficiary of marriage?
“So allow me to recap: Why aren’t white men going out of their way to marry: overweight, angry, loud-talking, combative, underpaid black women AND their kids? why aren’t white men rushing to take someone like this to the altar? Well, why in the hell should they?!
So, why are there also not many Back women rushing to marry men who treat them as if they are something on someone’s shoe? As if they are less than human.
Why the hell should Black women plead with a race of men who have behaved as cowards and haters towards Black women for centuries, even well into the 21ST Century?
May 27, 2009 at 10:00+00:00May
Hi,
Just want to give my opinion. I am a BW in the UK and my experience is that many middle class white men are reluctant to give up their “status” in order to marry a BW.
Many times the family is opposed to BW/WM unions (rightly or wrongly). Pursuing such a relationship could have serious social implications for a WM, hence they don’t pursue it. It takes a very strong man to overcome the social pressures and walk down the aisle with a BW.
On a side note BW and BM should not be bashing one another. This is just pure rudeness. If you aren’t into BW or BM, leave it alone and carry on doing your thing with race of person you do like.
May 27, 2009 at 10:00+00:00May
Good God, do you have an axe to grind or what? or are you just trying to be caustic to keep the replies coming in, which maybe works. It caught my eye. Anyway, I’m a white, professional family guy, 6 kids, from Massachusetts. 56 years old. My best buddy since 2nd grade is a black guy. We were always in touch until he died a couple of years ago. I was always really close with his family, 12 kids, so there was real immersion there. and the cousins, extended fainly etc. Maybe it was that or the 60s influence or the northeast but I’ve always just considered people as the same. And this isn’t pandering, liberal stuff, I’m a republican, conservative, type in most ways. I knew they were all black and we had differences but so what. I agree with an earlier responder that differences are what make the world a cool place. We should all be proud of our hertitages and colors and foods and what not and still enjoy each other. I’m Italian, I love it. You’re African. She’s Chinese. great! Why is my wife white and not black? Just worked out that way. If I met a black or oriental babe it could have been different. And shoot me, I’m a guy and like my girls to be good looking but race doesn’t enter into it. My fondest desire is not trapped with Jessica Biel, Rihanna and Lucy Liu and see if I can actually die from exhaustion. As for the slavery stuff, sure it happened. It happens today all over the world and all races do it to each other. It is economic and does the upper hand group crap on the lower groups? Sure, lots of people would take advantage given the opportunity. If I owned Halle Barry would I be rapist? Probably. If My old buddy owned Jessica Alba would he be? Probably. When my Grandparents came from Italy WOPs and guineas were the but of all jokes. Before them it was “no Irish need apply” for decades. You have to let that old crap go. It happened to others a long time ago. Were you ever a slave? Hell no, your people have actually been here a lot longer than mine and we weren’t even here when there was any slavery so don’t blame me. Anyway, nice people are nice people, jerks are jerks and babes are babes, which most guys will marry. You have yourself a nice day and lighten up a little. And if you run into Destinies Child, any or all of them, you send them my way and I’ll have a ball, no color, no bullshit.
June 6, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
@Tom:
“or are you just trying to be caustic to keep the replies coming in.”
I do not have to write “caustic comments”—-people who come to my blog who submit the caustic comments, I merely respond to them. No one wishes to be chastised, then do not come on my blog and ranting against the truth of America’s sordid racial history.
“If I owned Halley Barry would I be rapist?”
Yes.
Any man who enslaves a woman is a rapist. Enslaving another human being is the lowest form of human depravity that ever existed—–and still is. Any woman who is held in bondage against her will (no matter her race), and has no say so in what, when, where, and how she will have sex is in essence a woman who has been raped.
If there is no mutual consent on both sides, then rape is what it will be.
“When my Grandparents came from Italy WOPs and guineas were the but of all jokes. Before them it was “no Irish need apply” for decades.”
Yes. The proverbial *without papers.*
And, your point is what?
And Italians, Irish, etc., eventually became “White” after so many blood-thirsty race massacres against their fellow Black citizens.
“You have to let that old crap go”
I am very capable of letting much go, but, one thing I will not cease to do is speak the truth of America’s hypocrisy.
“And if you run into Destinies Child, any or all of them, you send them my way and I’ll have a ball, no color, no bullshit.”
Oh, really?
And just a few sentences earlier in your comments, you stated you were married:
“Why is my wife white and not black? Just worked out that way.”
Well, I won’t be sending anyone your way.
‘Kay.
I do not believe in adultery.
Now, I have “lightened up” considerably, after responding to your comments
June 5, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
As a white guy from London, where white man/ black woman couples are reasonably common and black man/ white woman couples very common (incidentally, in Paris it’s the other way round), I think this is all slightly strange and pointless. I don’t see why women of any colour should be bothered about some other type of guy not being into them: just be interested in the ones who’re interested in you. If your tastes are so particular that you’re only interested in men of another race and so insecure that you’re desperate for them to notice you, just keep trying: there’ll always be some you dig who fancy you like crazy. For me personally, I’m only slightly attracted to very few black women – it’s not because I think they’re worth any less as human beings, whatever that means, simply because they’re not my type. That’s my taste, but I know a couple white guys who worship black girls: and none of it matters. It’s all just taste, like preferring redheads to brunettes. While people shouldn’t be rude to one another, nobody should place any weight on whether or not they’re somebody else’s type, either.
June 6, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
After reading the viciousness and hatred and meanness of Ann’s #1, why make the effort. I find it funny though when I travel to Brasil, the dominican republic and especially in colombia, I am swarmed on by black and mulatto women. while many of these beautiful women have suffered in most cases racism also, they sure do not seem to have the anger and hatred like ann #1 has. I adore and like women of color as long as they are not african-american, sorry but people like ann #1- seal the deal for me. My family came from polynesia, germany, australia and portugal, never owned slaves, and who the fuck know my portugese ancestors for a while lived on the azores, which is off the west african coast, but yes I am sure Ann #1- would see my blue eyes and consider me the devil, again why make the effort.?? if your already hated because of things you did not participate in, and yes ann #1, i do carry a gun when traveling through south central los angeles, you never know when you will be in the wrong place at the wrong time, remember reginald denny the truck driver? I guess he deserved to be hauled out of his truck, have a brick thrown at his head from point blank range, have alcohol poured on him and shot with a shotgun, maybe that is what you want for me too? Thats why I pack
June 6, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
@White Man:
“After reading the viciousness and hatred and meanness of Ann’s #1, why make the effort.”
I would categorize my comments as a tad harsh, very visceral, and mucho honest. If I were a White person, I would rather hear the truth, rather than prettied-up lies which destroy both sides.
Hmm, there has been a bonanza of trolls. Well, might as well have myself some fun.
“I find it funny though when I travel to Brasil, the dominican republic and especially in colombia, I am swarmed on by black and mulatto women.”
Okay…are those women hard up, or on drugs? Just asking. When you speak to them, do you put on a facade of an enlightened human being (while desperately trying to hide your racism/sexism)? Or do you present yourself in all honesty? Possibly if you did, you would probably frighten off many of those non-white women. Then again, there is no accounting for some people’s tastes (their tastes in you, that is.)
“while many of these beautiful women have suffered in most cases racism also, they sure do not seem to have the anger and hatred like ann #1 has.”
Don’t kid yourself, ‘kay.
Just because a person does not let on how they really feel about White Americans does not mean that the legacy of the Ugly American has not died out in this hemisphere.
” I adore and like women of color as long as they are not african-american, sorry but people like ann #1- seal the deal for me.
Have you ever actually sat down and conversed with a Black American woman, or have you rushed to a stereotypical outlook on them?
“My family came from polynesia, germany, australia and portugal, never owned slaves, and who the fuck know my portugese ancestors for a while lived on the azores, which is off the west african coast.”
Wow, and a geography course to boot.
So…your family is a poly-blend of races—–just like Black Americans are a poly-blend of races, and your point is what?
Big deal.
“, but yes I am sure Ann #1- would see my blue eyes and consider me the devil, again why make the effort.??”
No, I would see a blue-eyed human being before me who happens to carry the Y-chromosome, some African blood (you did say Portugal, did you not?), pale skin.
Nothing more, nothing less.
” if your already hated because of things you did not participate in,”
My, my, my. Who said anything about participating in anything? If you disregard your fellow Black human beings on this planet as invisible, as less than human, then you are guilty of that. As for slavery, etc., Whites of today did not have to live during nor own slaves in order to benefit today from the long legacy of slavery, destruction of Reconstruction, and Jane Crow segregation. Your white-skin privilege is something that YOU will have to one day cast off. No one can do it for you but yourself.
“and yes ann #1, i do carry a gun when traveling through south central los angeles, you never know when you will be in the wrong place at the wrong time, remember reginald denny the truck driver?”
Hmm, how quaint.
A gun.
I guess as a man all you need is *a* gun.
WOMEN need a hell of a lot more than that to protect themselves from some of the men of the world who seek out and attack women. And WOC have more to fear from bodily harm than so many White people.
“I guess he deserved to be hauled out of his truck, have a brick thrown at his head from point blank range, have alcohol poured on him and shot with a shotgun…”
Now who is being vicious, and mean? Your hate is really showing. Why would you wish such cruelty on that poor man who never harmed anyone that day? Maybe it is White people like you whom everyone should run from and seek protection against.
“That’s why I pack”
Pack what?
A denial of the truth? A disavowal of America’s history?
“maybe that is what you want for me too?”
Naw, I don’t want anything for you.
Well, there is one eensy, teeny, thing I do want from you………….
…….about this meandering of the “ann #1’s”
Let me count:
-1
-2
-3
-4
That’s right-to. I count 4 Ann/ann #1s.
Hey, what’s up with you? Can you read or not?
There is only one Ann on this sight.
Now, pay careful attention:
-I am holding up one finger. Follow it closely, don’t lose track of it, keep it in your eyesight.
Good.
1
1 Ann, not many.
Have a nice day.
June 15, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
I find it funny that you find it hard to believe when white men go to the Caribean and to other countries, women of color swarm all over them. It’s the same reason successful black men in America marry white women. It’s called social climbing. I’m not saying that there arent very successful, socially acceptable black marriage candidates, but the pool of candidates is fewer. because they lacked the economic advantage many European Americans had.
However yourbringing up of slavery is very strange. Why do blacks blame slavery on white people? Slavery existed thousands of years before the Transatlantic slave trade began. Hell, the trans Saharan slave trade lasted for 1400 years, and the Muslims brought slaves, 2 out of 3 of whom were women, back as sexual slaves. You should read The Legacy of Arab Islam in Africa, by John Alimbillah Azumah.
June 7, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
I am an 18 year old black female living in london and I must admit most White guys I see only go for white girls or Asian girls because black girls are apparently too agressive or not ladylike enough. It’s almost like we are invisible personally I don’t think it matterS what race you are and I would never lose sleep over any man not being attracted to me and it might sound cliché but I think it should truly onlymatter about wat kind of person you are and although your race contributes to this it is not the only deciding factor. Get to know each other without prejudices you will pleasantly surprised at what you find
June 20, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
Hi Ann.
I encountered your blog looking for the title of a book I encountered on the subway, “Why Black Men Love White Women”. The title made me chuckle out loud and therefore I had to look it up and in my search this blog was number 3 on the list.
Anyway, I must say that as a bw it has been a long time since I dated a bm (like years). And I really can not complain about my dating experiences. I had a friend ask me if I would ever consider dating within my race. I would if I were approached by a bm. I have the opposite experience b/c I am always approached by white men (on dating sites, cocktail mixers, etc). I am not going to limit myself to only bm, especially if they do not approach me.
June 24, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
The answer is simple: natural law is what keeps these two apart.
Feminists, deconstructionists and aggrieved minority scholars have been colluding for decades to overturn natural law in our society. Everyone knows the answer once they peel away the onion of present cultural marxism.
Good day.
June 25, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
“The answer is simple: natural law is what keeps these two apart.”
And just what *natural law* would that be?
Prove to me where a man and a woman are born having antipathy for the other’s race or color. Race hatred is taught, not innate, nor inherent.
Give me your evidence where people are *born* hating and attacking other people’s racial/ethnic groups.
“Feminists, deconstructionists and aggrieved minority scholars have been colluding for decades to overturn natural law in our society.”
From the historical documentation, racists have fought against God’s Law.
“Everyone knows the answer once they peel away the onion of present cultural marxism.”
Since America is a capiltalist country, how do you come to with the half-cocked idea that there is Marxism in this country’s society/culture?
As for the “answer that everyone knows”, why don’t you tell me just what it is that everyone is supposed to know that has been onion-peeled away?
June 24, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
You moderators are pussies for only heavily filtering your comments. Your filter parallels what you want to do to free speech. You can;t handle the truth about yourselves.
June 25, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
“Moderators.”
And whom might those “moderators” be?
There is only one owner of this blog, so I would suggest that you learn how to count.
As for “filtering” I am not adverse to allowing comments on my sight to let the world see that ignorant people such as your self exist. As to comments being filtered, explain that lie. Where have you seen comments filtered on this blog site?
August 4, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Aug
Although I didnt come here specifically to leave a comment, I came across this page searching for information and opinions relevant to a similar topic I’ve written on my site. I just wanted to invite the author (and anyone else) to join and discuss on my site, if it ever takes off and gets popular. I’ve got a whole zero followers, so consider yourself to be breaking ground
http://topicsofcontroversy.blogspot.com
You seem to be a smart and sensible person, so your invitation remains as long as my site exists.
August 5, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Aug
Why do black men hate black women? Watch this short video.
August 8, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Aug
I love all men who love me. We are all human. I married a brown American, because I am attracted
culturally and sexually to brown Americans. I was turned off by African men from the continent, because most of them, that I met were so arrogant, dishonest and very cocky. They normally went after the white women, like the President’s father, for they found them easier to bed down, and believe their crap. Sisters from here were not buying their lies, we had enough to deal with our own liars. lol I am surprised the President married Michelle, because most mixed people go for the white spouse, just like the brown men, who hate themselves. The President had better taste in women, then his father. lol
August 11, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Aug
[...] BEAUTIFUL, ALSO, ARE THE SOULS OF MY BLACK SISTERS [...]
August 17, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Aug
I was never attracted to any men, but brown-skinned American males. I could care less, if white men do not want me, for the feeling is mutual. Who wants a gerkin, when you can have a dill? lol
I am friends with men of all nationalities, but I married one of my own culture. I do not care for native African men, and they want white women anyway, for they know black women are not that gullible. I will never apologize for loving my men.
As West Side Story said, “Stick with your own kind.”
August 21, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Aug
This is an interesting topic! I’m going to keep my reply short and just say that I didn’t realize that my marriage was so uncommon lol. Maybe I live a sheltered life, I don’t know lol. I am a black woman, I’m married to a white man, a very white man, blond hair, blue eyes, very fair skin. His family treats me with love and respect there are no issues and we have been together for about nine years. One of my sisters is married to a white man, one of my brothers is married to a white woman. I have like 32 nieces and nephews and about half that number are mixed black/white, one of them is black/mexican, the remaining are either black, or white. Reading this blog and the responses really makes me appreciate my family! We must be some of the most color blind people in America lol. I never have had an issue with white men approaching me, as a matter of fact more white men approach me now and when I was single than black men. I’ve never dated a black man. I don’t know, what does that mean? Maybe black women put off some kind of vibe or air that makes white men feel intimidated. My husband say’s that he loved my humility and kindness, he likes the fact that I’m not loud and bossy. He say’s that he always found black women physically attractive but never met one he got along with or could really relate to him until me. Maybe it’s a personality thing that causes the problem. Maybe the majority of black women just have personalities that don’t match white men or what they want??? I don’t know why I am an exception, I am attractive but I see beautiful black women everywhere all the time. Well, hopefully my comment helped in some way lol. Thanks for reading!
August 22, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Aug
i desire to marry,but not easy to see.actually,how desperate i am now,what ever that is a lady i will price her and marry her.
August 31, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Aug
I LOVE MEN: BLACK, WHITE, ASIAN, NATIVE AMERICAN, LATINO, and whoever else is out there. To a certain extent, I do prefer white men because of how I have been treated by them opposed to black men. It is not my intent to disrespect or put down the good, strong black men out there but through my personal experience- white men are much more gentlemen like. White men not only make an effort, but they also make it their business to make a woman feel special and loved. How can I not fall for a man who makes me feel like a QUEEN. My anger is more directed toward the black men (not all black men) who ignore us and treat us like we are invisible. In my honest opinion, the way black men have been disrespecting and mistreating us is far worse than anything the white man did in slavery to us. To be constantly hurt by your own is more detrimental than being hurt by a stranger.
September 13, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Sep
The problem with MLKs I have a dream is just that, it in the end, is just a dream,F D the black guy in the northern cabnet at the time of the american civil war, put it well.The analysis of words are not enough, in other words ,words are not works,dreams are not plans.its not based on, constructs,in a way ist like the dream of going to the moon,the dream ,is not a 300 foot long, saturn 5 rocket.thus genetic engineering=comstruct
anna you are right ,i am racist as are all humans this really has no affect on us white men ,since all men fart ,therefore all men and women are race based,this dont make me ,good or evil, just human ,the only humans that are not race -ic are, dead or liers,in the english IC, means the law of numbers ci-v-ic means what it is maths x=,(xy)+2=(yx)-2 balance in all ,things=thoughts ,V in maths, means contant change,compression or expansion.
THUS WE ARE REQUIRED TO BE EX- CELL- ANT TO ONE ANOTHER ,maths sense ,X unKnow numbers CELLS as in Greek algbrabratic cells, ANT as in to go out ward, to real truth, like space V LYING ON ITS SIDE, the USA of today, is not of tomorrow, thus mark twains raft ,it is not enough,THE CONSTRUCT wont WORK. anyway anne have a nice day ,mate.
September 13, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Sep
The problem with MLKs I have a dream is just that, it in the end, is just a dream,F D the black guy in the northern cabnet at the time of the american civil war, put it well.The analysis of words are not enough, in other words ,words are not works,dreams are not plans.its not based on, constructs,in a way ist like the dream of going to the moon,the dream ,is not a 300 foot long, saturn 5 rocket.thus genetic engineering=comstruct
Ann you are right ,i am racist as are all humans this really has no affect on white men ,since all men fart ,therefore all men and women are race based,this dont make me ,good or evil, just human ,the only humans that are not race -ic are, dead or liers,in english IC, means the law of numbers ci-v-ic means what it is maths x=,(xy)+2=(yx)-2 balance in all ,things=thoughts ,V in maths, means contant change,compression or expansion.
THUS WE ARE REQUIRED TO BE, EX- CELL- ANT ,TO ONE ANOTHER ,maths sense ,X unKnow numbers CELLS as in Greek algbrabratic cells, ANT as in to go out ward, to real truth, like space V LYING ON ITS SIDE, the USA of today, is not of tomorrow, thus mark twains raft ,it is not enough,THE PRESENT CONSTRUCT wont WORK. anyway ann ,have a nice day ,mate.from a friend in aussie land.
September 14, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Sep
I’m going to be 100% honest. I was raised not to date white men. I remember my dad telling my older brother that they used to hang black men in trees for LOOKING at white women, so my brother should acknowledge their newfound freedom and date a WW! Then I was told in the same breath that WM have always had their way with BW, whether the woman wanted it or not. At the time I actually didn’t think much of it, but when I got older I remember realizing there was some truth to it. I’ve met a lot of white guys who seemed to only see black women as sex toys and shameful ones at that. So I can see why a lot of black women are weary about dating white men or even admitting an attraction.
PLUS there is the double standard. Like I mentioned abt my brother and WW, the BC is much more approving of black men and white women than black women and white men. I think black women don’t want to upset black men by dating a WHITE guy! (I’ve known a lot of bm who have given me hell for liking any wm) There are STILL a lot of racists around, and I’ve heard white men say some terrible things, and not always about black women but black MEN. I respect my race and culture too much to date a guy who thinks like that.
I was raised in an upper class, white neighborhood at the beach. I remember in Middle School one of my white classmates liked me–a lot. I guess he had a “thing” for black women, and being in such a white place he satisfied his lust with RAP videos and hip hop “eye candy of the month” magazines that were all black women with big butts. I remembered being bothered by it. I remember him and ALL of his friends gathering around one day to look at how big the girl in the magazine’s butt was! I didn’t like seeing white guys looking at all these BW half naked and so sexual, especially not when I was the ONLY person around who looked like that! I think I convinced myself that the only way a white guy would want a BW was for sex, because thats what I had always been told and it seemed to be true by the people on t.v and society’s views of BW. BW aren’t presented as “desirable” or anything, so I figured if ANY guy was attracted to me it was purely sexual… and I still kind of feel the same way…
So I’ve always turned them down… always… I don’t really give white men ANY thought or recognition. I had a WM in my philosophy class a while back who was a “typical Socal surfer boy” and I admit he was cute, by any standards, but at the time, I remember thinking I only wanted a black guy! I have a dream of proving people wrong by meeting a nice, smart BM on my level… but a lot of BM also see BW as sex objects no more than the white guys!
The bm I meet are nothing like me. I grew up in Newport Beach Cali…. I KNOW I have a lot more in common with white guys, but I’m kind of hard headed I guess, lol…
October 5, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Oct
Although I find more and more black women and white men dating, I am forced to agree that the numbers of white men and black women marrying are low in proportion to the numbers of black women in the marriage market. The main reason is because that a white guy’s job, social status, and career advancement is very much affected by who he dates or marries. If he is dating a black woman, she is usually a black woman with a masters degree or a job making a great salary. Typically he has a woman who will bring something substantial into the marriage. Typically, white guys dont fool with black women on welfare, or black women who dropped out of high school, or black women with too many kids, or black women who get thrown in jail very other week. He does not want all that much drama in his life.
Just an observation, on my part.
October 6, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Oct
could have married many white men. My grandfather was from Scotland and my grandmother was 50%Scot, and a mixture of all the groups, including Africa. My grandmother looked like Jessica Tandy of Driving Ms. Daisy. My dad looked like President Obama, and my Mom looked like Michelle. I look like Dionne Warwick and Cicily Tyson combo. I am attracted to men, who look like me, and have the same cultural background. The white men said I was racist because I would go on dates with the, but told them I loved my me. I do not fit any of the negative characteristics here for women like me, but I was not spared from insults. I took care of them as they came, and I am not apologizing for loving my men. I am friends with everyone. A scary aspect of some white men is they tend to be serial killers and short eyes. I know there are men and women who can be the latter in all ethnic groups, but those stereotypes are out there for all of us. Love and marry who you want, for GOD KNOWS I did.
October 24, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Oct
I have noticed in London in the last few years lots more black women dating white men. I am engaged to a black women (i’m white English), and two of my friends are married to black girls.
And I was in the USA earlier this year (in Seattle), and I saw quite a few white guys with black women, so as an outsider it looked to be changing.
As far as I am concerned, if you don’t want to date someone of another race then don’t. That is your choice.
But people should be free to date and marry who they want to shouldn’t have to explain thir choices to other people.
October 24, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Oct
In London I have noticed in the last few years a lot more white men/black women relationships. It is not uncommon.
And on a recent tip to the USA (Seattle), I also noticed quite a few WM/BW relationships so as an outsider it looks like things are changing in the USA.
I’m white and English, and I am engaged to a black lady. Also, two of my friends are married to black women.
I can’t see why people care so much about who other people date.
October 28, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Oct
Hello Ann. As a Black and Latina female triple majoring in Latin American and Caribbean Studies, International Studies, and Spanish, as well as attending UWisconsin Madison, these topics are issues I see everyday. I love your comments. I attend school with over-privileged people of all colors but mainly whites. You would not BELIEVE the lengths these student AND faculty members go through to deny the fact that race is an issue and that yes! slavery is very much the cause of that issue still to this day. I love your blog and responses to the idiots that feel as though they actually have a valid opinion when they don’t understand that their bubbled world is NOT conducive to them accurately processing or understanding the subtle and overt racial/social iniquities pervasive in our “great” society.
–But what do we as minority women know about racism and sexism??
November 2, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Nov
“-But what do we as minority women know about racism and sexism?”
Yes, very well put. I mean, we have only been subjugated, attacked, raped, forcibly impregnated, burned, tortured, humiliated and nearly annihilated because we have stood up for (still do), speak the truth. I mean, what can we possibly know about race and sex
Race, slavery, and segregation still reside amongst us, which is why Black women are still vilified by a country which has sought for centuries to erase us from the conscious of this nation.
November 7, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Nov
ANA
nice blog.
I have a few things to say….
I am an attractive Black female, college degree, w/ NO kids or attitude who is constantly being pursued by men of all races.
To all of my fellow black women…
Even though a few of the post by some of the white men on this blog are a bit hurtful, some of them do have a merit of truth to them…
-You can’t blame everything on slavery….GET OVER IT! Other races have been victimized too. It gets a bit nauseating when I hear ppl whine about slavery every minute as if they were there when it happened. This is one of the reasons why we can be seen as bitter…because we can’t let things go! If I was a white guy and my gf constantly talked about slavery it would be an instant turnoff. Yes it was a horrible thing that happened, but it’s over Thank God, now let’s move on! Please!
(on a side note: even the title of this blog sounds like whining and complaining…no one owes us (or any other race) anything. If you want something, go out and get it!)
-Lose weight! Don’t be 200lbs and say guys don’t like you because you’re a strong black women…seriously. Take care of yourself. Go to the gym and work it out!
-don’t assume that just because a black guy is with a white girl she is easy. Don’t be so quick to judge other peoples relationships because from the sound of this blog no one wants to be stereotyped….
-I think we need to be more open about dating guys of different races….& if you are not open to dating someone of a different race don’t tell them that is why you are not giving them a chance….That is just plain hurtful and you wouldn’t like it if someone did that to you!
-yes some WM are not open to dating/marrying BW for social reasons. So obviously those men aren’t for you.
-I am a bit on the shy side…but it really is okay to approach a guy! Seriously! Some of the women on here need to get over themselves. Even if you think you are God’s gift to men. I have only approached one guy and even though he did not turn out to be my soul mate he is truly an amazing friend. Be open-minded.
-It is important to know yourself worth…never let a guy use you & don’t carry your baggage from one relationship to the next. Everyone gets their heart broken at least once. Its life, it happens & it’s okay!
-IR dating can be tough. Even though it is important to talk about your differences it is important to focus on what you have in common.
**Random fact but I have been pulled over about 6 times by police for speeding and I have never gotten a ticket…It’s all about grace!**
I will leave saying that I have had great boyfriends both black and white and every single boyfriend I have had has asked me to marry him. Treat others with love and respect and you will get the same in return.
Hopefully no one took offensive to what I wrote….It was just meant as constructive criticism to all of my fellow sisters who I sincerely wish the best for <3.
November 12, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Nov
I personally woul dnever date White Men
they still are evil hearted, bitter, thieving azzh0les. they have fuked up propagandas, they always labeling African american women and the list goes on. why should anyone care whether a white man marries a Black woman or other races. the last encounter i had with a white guy he was cool until i started talking about my career, it’s like he got a attitude because i had something good in ym life but i dont care of any other race of Men, especially white men and they make me itch from that body lice
November 12, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Nov
when it comes to white and non black men
i stay the hell away from them
November 14, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Nov
Slavery is still being mentioned because of the many repercussions all blacks (men and women) are facing today. Many races are still affected by the many forms of racism that persists today.
But I have to agree with some of the above posts. Although I still believe racial differences are the main motive for segregation, I also believe that SES (social economic status) plays an important role. Unfortunately, we live in a society where money talks. The societal norm is for people to marry people within their ses.
Personally, I don’t care what race people claim to belong to, seeing as though there are no pure races. We, as a society give meaning to the word ‘race.’ This means that you can be black in America and white in Brazil. What I don’t understand is if we know that the term ‘race’ has been so freely defined, why do we put so much emphasis on it?
And if you want to marry someone from a different background as yourself, go for it. People are going to talk about you until the day you die (and sometimes death doesn’t keep people from talking). So if they’re going to talk about you and the one you love when you’re separate, you might as well be happily together and face their gossip as a pair. Kill their cruelty with kindness and go on with your lives.
November 19, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Nov
I want race not to matter but it does. One thing to consider that race is strongly tied up in culture. As a black woman with friends all the color of the rainbow sometimes I feel misunderstood by some of my friends who may have grown up in an all white suburban neighborhood. Also, a lot of what we learn about attractiveness comes from our childhood, a parent or older relative comments on celebrities, people we meet , etc and we gradually begin to shape our definitions of attractiveness (but of course this is not set in stone).
Race is usually NOT a factor for me when choosing mates, but then again I did grow up in NYC. I think people should stop indoctrinating their children with “they may not want to be friends with you b/c you’re a different color” or “be careful b/c this person may be dangerous”
Black woman should stop being afraid of not fitting in with their peers and stand up for themselves and marry ANY man who will treat them with love and respect. If you get hurt, so what move on and hold out for what you want.
November 24, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Nov
i am not really interested in those who are not interested in me so to speak, everyone has their own preferences, and are alot of these preferences tainted by what society dictates, yes? are alot of white men still racist, and fear “Black” yes? are alot of Black people equally ignorant and stereotype Whites/other ethnicities in turn, yes. theres just alot of ignorance to go around folks.
in this day of a collapsing world economy, poverty,
disease, abuse and trafficking of human beings , corrupt govts, genocides and natural disasters, this just isnt high on the list. some people of different races find hapiness together, some don’t. it does not mean you can paint them all with one brush, there are 2 many exceptions. even dating outside of your race doesnt make you non racist or that you see one’s humanity more.
start by making the right decisions in YOUR life and being a good person, have a foundation to build on, try to see people as people, y es they may dissapoint you and may find yourself saying ” i was right about ( insert race) “but you will also find plenty of exceptions.
June 16, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
“I find it funny that you find it hard to believe when white men go to the Caribean and to other countries, women of color swarm all over them.”
I do not find it hard to believe that Caribbean women can go for White men. Just as I do not find it hard to believe that white European men can go gaga over Black American women.
My comment was directed to White Man.
Just as a Black man can be perceived of as social climbing, so too, can a white European man be perceived of as social climbing when he takes a Black woman into his life.
“However yourbringing up of slavery is very strange. Why do blacks blame slavery on white people? Slavery existed thousands of years before the Transatlantic slave trade began. Hell, the trans Saharan slave trade lasted for 1400 years, and the Muslims brought slaves, 2 out of 3 of whom were women, back as sexual slaves. You should read The Legacy of Arab Islam in Africa, by John Alimbillah Azumah.”
Preaching to the choir.
Because of the legacy of American race-based slavery, the denigration of Black women is still pervasive in this country. As for Arab slavery, I am very well aware of the history of Arab, African, Native American, Greek, and Roman slavery.
Especially in the case of Arab slavery. Black African men were castrated and put into service of Arab slave masters, as eunuchs. Black African women were raped and impregnated as so-called kept concubines. Which is why so many Arabs are dark-skinned. If a DNA test was done on many Arabs in the present-day, those racist Arabs who castigate blacks, would faint dead away at having to acknowledge the black blood that flows in them.
Therefore, what you are telling me is nothing new.
American slavery is what America will have to come to terms with. When this country starts doing that, as well as acknowledge the vicious subjugation of Black American women, then this country will finally start to really become a country that is truly for all.
June 24, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
>>American slavery is what America will have to come to terms with. When this country starts doing that, as well as acknowledge the vicious subjugation of Black American women, then this country will finally start to really become a country that is truly for all.
America has dealt with it, and it is for all. Its just seemly minorities who continue to resuciatate the victimhood stereotype for matters of pride, malice and litagation. I for one am tired of it. I know many white Americans are as well. Its attitudes exoressed in this comment that the Obama election was a scam. Whites thought they were getting a pass, blacks ho-de-doed it on, but never really gave it to them. This is bargaining. Most conservative whites understand its a never ending con job, and call it out, and won’t play it up.
November 12, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Nov
you sound dumb as hell
white slavery was about belittling a person
abusing them and harming them
black folk slaving was that of
if you commit a crime you do the time
you dumb as ppl always tryna
make up an excuse for the evil
you’ve done and continue to do
June 25, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Jun
“America has dealt with it….”
Lie.
America has not dealt with racist atrocities against her Black citizens. Give me the proof that America has dealt with her history of racial pogroms and racial profiling campaigns against her Black citizens. Racial campaigns that still continue in 21ST Century America.
“…and it is for all.”
Prove it.
“I for one am tired of it.”
And I for one am tired of racist white-privilege people who will never ever acknowledge the humanity of Black Americans.
“Whites thought they were getting a pass, blacks ho-de-doed it on, but never really gave it to them. ”
Just where did Blacks give Whites a pass? Whites still hold the race card in America (and always have), so just where have Blacks been in a position to lord it over Whites?
“This is bargaining.”
Where has there been any bargaining?
“Most conservative whites understand its a never ending con job, and call it out, and won’t play it up.”
White privilege is the never-ending con job.
Now….get rid of white privilege, and the biggest con job this country has ever known will be something that will never be missed.
August 17, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Aug
The question seems relatively simple, yet the answers here seem somewhat complex. All this talk about how white men ignore the black female ect. Perhaps the “average” Caucasian male does not find the Africian American woman marriage material for many reasons. To become intimate with any woman requires a relationship. A desire to get to know eachother at a deeper level also involves trust. It is very possible that just the idea of becomming intimate with a woman of color is not appealing. Caucasian males rarely ever talk about having the desire to marry anyone outside their race. The idea of even dating a black female by a white man is considered taboo by the majority of Caucasian American individuals. Respectfully submitted.
August 21, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Aug
People like Aubrey are the main reason why racism still exist in America. He thinks he knows the tastes of white American men by saying asinine comments about Black women, that they’re not worthy of a long-term relationship, that we’re not to be trusted, valued members of humanity.
These attitudes are the reasons why Black women don’t seek out nonblack men in greater numbers. Just look at the haterade at Abagond regarding this sensitive topic. Plenty of haterade and defensiveness by nonblack males there.
It’s sad that we’re in the 21st century that Black women aren’t worthy of common courtesy whatsoever.
La Reyna
November 15, 2009 at 10:00+00:00Nov
hmmm I must of offended you personally in my post. Was it the over weight comment?? Or maybe it was the too many kids?? or maybe you are just unattractive and single. Either way you are CLEARLY BITTER.